Internet— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kalimat yang lebih alami. Hindari pengulangan kata seperti 'start' dan gunakan tahun tanpa artikel 'the'.

Example: I started using the Internet in junior high school in 2008. My first experience was playing games on Facebook.

Suggestion: Gunakan kalimat yang lebih jelas dan tata bahasa yang benar. Hindari pengulangan kata dan gunakan linking words untuk menjelaskan lebih baik.

Example: I go online very often nowadays. In fact, when I check my phone's screen time, I average about 8 hours per day.

Suggestion: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan struktur kalimat. Lengkapi kalimat yang tidak selesai dan gunakan linking words untuk membuat jawaban lebih koheren.

Example: I remember in 2015, I was not allowed to use the Internet because I was attending military training where phones were prohibited. As a result, I felt very bored during that time.

Suggestion: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kosakata yang tepat seperti 'fear of missing out'. Gunakan kalimat yang lebih alami dan jelas.

Example: Yes, I think I spend too much time online because social media creates a fear of missing out, and its algorithms encourage me to keep browsing repeatedly.

Suggestion: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kalimat yang lebih alami. Hindari kata pengisi seperti 'umm' dan gunakan kata sifat yang tepat.

Example: Without the Internet, I would spend more time talking to my family, especially my wife, who is very sociable. It's always enjoyable to have conversations with her.

× I started using the Internet at junior high school in the 2008.

✓ I started using the Internet at junior high school in 2008.

The article 'the' before '2008' is incorrect because years do not require an article. Remove 'the' before '2008'.

× I began to start my Internet journey with playing Facebook.

✓ I began my Internet journey by playing Facebook.

The phrase 'began to start' is redundant; 'began' alone is sufficient. Also, 'with playing Facebook' is awkward; use 'by playing Facebook' to indicate the activity.

× Right now I go online often too often, sometimes when I check my screen time on my phone with averaging to 8 hours per day.

✓ Right now I go online too often, sometimes when I check my screen time on my phone, averaging about 8 hours per day.

The adverb 'too often' should come together. 'Averaging to' is incorrect; use 'averaging about' or 'averaging around'. Also, commas improve clarity.

× I remember back in the 2015, I didn't a lot to use Internet because I had this training and in it's kind of military training, so you could not use your phone.

✓ I remember back in 2015, I didn't have a lot of time to use the Internet because I had this training, and it was kind of military training, so you could not use your phone.

Remove 'the' before '2015' as years do not take articles. 'Didn't a lot to use Internet' is incorrect; it should be 'didn't have a lot of time to use the Internet'. Also, 'Internet' needs 'the'. 'In it's kind of military training' is incorrect; correct to 'it was kind of military training'.

× And I felt so bored at that time because.

✓ And I felt so bored at that time.

The sentence ends abruptly with 'because' without completing the thought. Remove 'because' to complete the sentence properly.

× Of course, with the development of social media, I spend too much time on the Internet because of the feel of missing out feeling and the algorithm kind of make us want to spend our time again and again on the Internet.

✓ Of course, with the development of social media, I spend too much time on the Internet because of the feeling of missing out and the algorithm kind of makes us want to spend our time again and again on the Internet.

'Feel of missing out feeling' is redundant; use 'feeling of missing out'. 'Algorithm kind of make' should be 'algorithm kind of makes' to agree with singular subject.

× Without the Internet, I would spend more time talking to my family, especially my wife because she is umm interactive person and it was always fun to have conversation with her.

✓ Without the Internet, I would spend more time talking to my family, especially my wife, because she is an interactive person and it is always fun to have conversations with her.

Add 'an' before 'interactive person' as it is a singular countable noun. Change 'was' to 'is' to maintain present tense consistency. 'Conversation' should be plural 'conversations' to indicate multiple talks.