Work— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details. Avoid filler words (uh, um) and incorrect phrasing like "a makeup services" and "already accommodate."

Example: I am currently working as a makeup artist and beauty advisor at Sephora. I provide personalised makeup applications and advise clients on skincare routines and suitable products.

Suggestion: Give a direct answer, correct factual phrasing and one clear detail. Avoid awkward expressions like "retail industry about" and inaccurate or unclear company reference. Use linking words if adding extra information.

Example: I work at Sephora, a well-known global cosmetics retailer. It is part of the LVMH group and sells skincare and makeup from many brands.

Suggestion: Give a balanced, clearly phrased opinion. Remove fillers and fix collocations ("climbing the career ladder" not "carburetor ladder"). Explain one reason briefly using a linking word like "but" or "because."

Example: Yes, it is a good place to work because the environment is friendly and I learn new skills. However, it can be hard to climb the career ladder in retail because promotion opportunities are limited.

Suggestion: State your main opinion clearly, then give one or two specific reasons. Remove fillers and improve phrasing ("convenient for students and part-time workers"). Keep to two or three short sentences.

Example: I like working there, but I don't love it. It is convenient for students because of flexible hours, and it's a good fit for people who want retail or sales experience.

Suggestion: Start with a clear topic sentence about your plan, then give specific details and correct awkward wording ("have my own work by the bottom" is unclear). Mention how your engineering background helps and one concrete goal or timeline if possible.

Example: I studied chemical engineering and plan to start my own beauty brand. I want to develop scientifically-backed skincare products using my chemistry knowledge and hope to launch within the next three to five years.

× My main role at Sephora is to provide a makeup services for the client and already accommodate all their needs about makeup and skin care products.

✓ My main role at Sephora is to provide makeup services for clients and to accommodate all their needs regarding makeup and skin care products.

'Provide' followed by noun does not need 'a' before plural 'services' and 'client' should be plural 'clients' to match 'services'. The structure 'is to provide X and to accommodate Y' keeps parallelism. 'Already' is awkward here and was removed; use 'regarding' for correct preposition use.

× Sephora is one of the famous retail industry about a skin care and makeup artist, and already it's a retail branch store of NVLVMH.

✓ Sephora is one of the famous companies in the retail industry for skin care and makeup, and it is a retail branch of LVMH.

Use 'one of the famous companies in the retail industry' instead of 'one of the famous retail industry about'. 'For' is the correct preposition for purpose/field. 'Already' is unnecessary. 'Retail branch store' is redundant; 'retail branch' or 'branch' suffices. The brand name corrected to 'LVMH'.

× Uh yeah, it is a good, uh, place to work, but uh, in this place it is very difficult to climbing the carburetor ladder because working at umm retails, uh, it doesn't have any job prospects.

✓ Yes, it is a good place to work, but it is very difficult to climb the career ladder because working in retail does not offer many job prospects.

Use infinitive 'to climb' not 'to climbing'. 'Carburetor ladder' is incorrect; correct idiom is 'career ladder'. Use 'in retail' rather than 'at retails'. Use 'does not offer many job prospects' for clarity and correct agreement.

× Yes, uh, I like it, but I cannot say I love it. Uh, it is a very convenient place for the students, uh, for the part time students and already who really wants to work in the retail and sales, uh, industry.

✓ Yes, I like it, but I cannot say I love it. It is a very convenient place for students, especially part-time students and those who really want to work in the retail and sales industry.

Remove filler words and make noun phrases plural: 'students' and 'part-time students'. Replace 'who really wants' with 'those who really want' to match plural antecedent and correct verb agreement.

× I have studied chemical engineering, I have a university degree and my future plan is to have my own work in the beauty industry by the bottom with the strong background of science and chemistry.

✓ I studied chemical engineering and I have a university degree. My future plan is to own a business in the beauty industry, using my strong background in science and chemistry.

Use simple past 'I studied' to describe completed education or present perfect can be used but clear split into two sentences improves clarity. 'Have my own work' is unnatural; use 'own a business'. 'By the bottom' is incorrect and removed; likely intended 'from the bottom' but 'using my strong background' is clearer. Use 'background in' rather than 'of'.