Work— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Try to start your answer directly and clearly. Avoid unclear phrases like 'When I'm walking.' Also, use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, you can say, 'I have been working as a registered nurse since 2021, specializing in critical and intensive care. Specifically, I have two years of experience in adult intensive care and one and a half years in pediatric intensive care.'

Example: I have been working as a registered nurse since 2021, specializing in critical and intensive care. Specifically, I have two years of experience in adult intensive care and one and a half years in pediatric intensive care.

Suggestion: Your answer is a bit unclear and lacks proper linking. Try to organize your answer with clear sentences and linking words. For example, say, 'I currently work at Cinema Bantam Ranker Specialized Children's Hospital, the second largest children's hospital in the country. I worked in surgical intensive care for about nine months before shifting to medical intensive care to gain more experience.'

Example: I currently work at Cinema Bantam Ranker Specialized Children's Hospital, the second largest children's hospital in the country. I worked in surgical intensive care for about nine months before shifting to medical intensive care to gain more experience.

Suggestion: Avoid starting with 'But' and use more natural expressions. Also, use linking words to connect your ideas clearly. For example, 'I believe the medical intensive care unit at my hospital is a great place to work for several reasons. Firstly, we gain a lot of experience because we treat patients with various conditions, and the procedures we perform vary significantly.'

Example: I believe the medical intensive care unit at my hospital is a great place to work for several reasons. Firstly, we gain a lot of experience because we treat patients with various conditions, and the procedures we perform vary significantly.

Suggestion: Try to avoid unclear phrases like 'You say' and incomplete sentences. Use linking words to connect your points. For example, 'I really love my workplace for several reasons. Firstly, the staff are very lovely and have been supportive since day one. Secondly, the educational resources at my workplace are excellent, allowing us to learn about different patients and ask questions.'

Example: I really love my workplace for several reasons. Firstly, the staff are very lovely and have been supportive since day one. Secondly, the educational resources at my workplace are excellent, allowing us to learn about different patients and ask questions.

Suggestion: Your answer is clear but can be improved by using more natural expressions and linking words. For example, 'I have just completed my bachelor's degree, so I plan to move to a European country to pursue my master's degree and obtain nursing registration. My main goal is to gain international nursing experience and enhance my knowledge and skills.'

Example: I have just completed my bachelor's degree, so I plan to move to a European country to pursue my master's degree and obtain nursing registration. My main goal is to gain international nursing experience and enhance my knowledge and skills.

× When I'm walking.

✓ When I am working.

The phrase 'When I'm walking' is incorrect in this context as the student is talking about their job, not walking. It should be 'When I am working' or simply omitted. This is a sentence structure error because the sentence fragment does not convey the intended meaning.

× My major specification is critical care and intensive care.

✓ My major specialization is critical care and intensive care.

The word 'specification' is incorrect here; the correct term is 'specialization' when referring to a field of study or focus area. This is a vocabulary choice issue related to singular/plural and word meaning.

× I have two years experience in adult intensive care and I have 1 1/2 years experience in pediatric intensive care.

✓ I have two years of experience in adult intensive care and I have 1 1/2 years of experience in pediatric intensive care.

The phrase 'years experience' is missing the preposition 'of' to correctly express duration. This is a singular/plural and preposition usage issue.

× I'm currently working at Cinema Bantam Ranker Specialized Children's Hospital, which is the second largest hospital for children in the country, and I have worked in surgical intensive care for about 9 months and I shifted to medical intensive care together more experienced.

✓ I'm currently working at Cinema Bantam Ranker Specialized Children's Hospital, which is the second largest hospital for children in the country. I worked in surgical intensive care for about 9 months before shifting to medical intensive care to gain more experience.

The original sentence is a run-on and unclear. 'Together more experienced' is incorrect and unclear. The sentence needs to be split and rephrased for clarity and correct tense usage. This is a sentence structure error.

× But I believe the medical intensive care unit at my hospital is one of the greatest places to walk for several reasons.

✓ But I believe the medical intensive care unit at my hospital is one of the greatest places to work for several reasons.

The word 'walk' is incorrect here; it should be 'work' as the student is talking about a workplace. This is an incorrect word choice and preposition usage error.

× Firstly, we can gather so much experience because we get to meet different patients with different conditions and the procedures we have to perform to cure them differs, really differs so.

✓ Firstly, we can gain a lot of experience because we meet different patients with different conditions, and the procedures we have to perform to treat them differ significantly.

The word 'gather' is less appropriate than 'gain' for experience. 'Differs' should be plural 'differ' to agree with plural subject 'procedures'. 'Really differs so' is awkward and redundant. This is an adjective/adverb and subject-verb agreement error.

× You say I really love my working place due to several reasons.

✓ I really love my workplace for several reasons.

'You say' is unnecessary and incorrect here as the student is expressing their own opinion. 'Working place' should be 'workplace' as one word. This is an incorrect pronoun use and word form error.

× The stuff, they're really lovely and they were very supportive since day one.

✓ The staff, they're really lovely and they have been very supportive since day one.

'Stuff' is incorrect; the correct word is 'staff'. Also, 'were' should be 'have been' to indicate ongoing support from past to present. This is an incorrect pronoun and verb tense usage error.

× And still.

✓ And still are supportive.

'And still.' is a sentence fragment and incomplete. It should be connected to the previous sentence or completed to convey meaning. This is a sentence structure error.

× And secondly, the educational background in my working place is enormous.

✓ Secondly, the educational opportunities at my workplace are extensive.

'Educational background' is incorrectly used to describe the environment; 'educational opportunities' or 'resources' is more appropriate. 'Enormous' is not typically used to describe educational background. This is an adjective usage error.

× We can gather information about different patients and we can ask.

✓ We can gather information about different patients and ask questions when needed.

The sentence ends abruptly with 'and we can ask.' It needs completion to clarify what is being asked. This is a sentence structure error.

× I've just completed my bachelor's so I'm planning to move into Europe country to complete my masters there and to get the nursing registration.

✓ I've just completed my bachelor's degree, so I'm planning to move to a European country to complete my master's degree and obtain nursing registration there.

'Move into Europe country' is incorrect; it should be 'move to a European country'. Also, 'bachelor's' and 'masters' need 'degree' for clarity. This is a preposition and article usage error.

× My main focus is to gather the international experience on nursing and to enhance my experience and knowledge.

✓ My main focus is to gain international experience in nursing and to enhance my experience and knowledge.

'Gather the international experience on nursing' is incorrect; 'gain international experience in nursing' is the correct phrase. This is a preposition usage error.