礼物— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Trim redundancy and finish sentences cleanly. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid exaggerations like “incredibly” unless appropriate, and correct small grammar errors (e.g., “I consider myself good at giving gifts” and finish the thought after “so I”).

範例: Yes, I consider myself good at giving gifts. I usually spend time choosing something thoughtful, and because I work as a dietitian I can pick healthy presents based on what I learn from a short conversation. For example, I often give a potted herb or a box of nutritious snacks when I know someone’s preferences.

建議: Be concise and complete your sentences. Use linking words (firstly, secondly, finally) and give specific examples of festivals or national events to make your answer concrete. Avoid leaving a sentence hanging at the end.

範例: I usually give gifts on several occasions. Firstly, I give presents at personal events such as birthdays and anniversaries. Secondly, I exchange gifts during festivals like Diwali or Christmas, and finally I sometimes give small tokens during national celebrations or formal gatherings.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence, follow with two specific considerations using linking words, and complete each idea. Watch grammar: “environment friendly” → “environmentally friendly”; avoid filler words like “uh”. Give concrete examples of biodegradable gifts and explain why you choose them.

範例: When choosing a gift, I consider both the recipient’s tastes and the environmental impact. Firstly, I prefer eco-friendly items, so I often give a potted plant or a handmade paper card that is biodegradable. Secondly, I think about the person’s hobbies or dietary needs so the gift will be useful and appreciated.

建議: Keep sentences direct and reduce repetition. Start with a topic sentence stating you have given handmade gifts, then add a specific example and its emotional impact. Correct phrasing: “During my childhood, I used to give my father handmade cards” and “I passed this habit on to my children.”

範例: Yes, I have. As a child I often made handmade cards for my father, and his smile always made me proud. That experience taught me the value of personal gifts, so I continue making cards for my own children to create a stronger emotional connection.

建議: Clarify your position with a clear topic sentence and support it with logical reasons and a short example. Watch grammar and phrasing: say “I don’t think expensive gifts express feelings better” and avoid contradictory or confusing lines like “we can buy the happiness.” Use linking words such as “because” or “for example.”

範例: I don’t think expensive gifts express feelings better. Because emotional value comes from effort and thought, a simple handmade gift can mean more than a costly item. For example, a homemade photo album often feels more meaningful to a close friend than an expensive gadget.

× I really consider myself incredibly good at giving gifts because I spent a lot of time while choosing the gift.

✓ I really consider myself incredibly good at giving gifts because I spend a lot of time choosing them.

The sentence mixes present ('consider') with past ('spent'). Use present simple 'spend' to match 'I really consider' and general habit. Also 'choosing the gift' is improved to plural 'choosing them' for naturalness.

× Moreover, I really want to keep my gift natural as much as possible and being a dietitian, I understand people more closely even with the one or two talk session with them so I.

✓ Moreover, I try to keep my gifts as natural as possible, and, being a dietitian, I understand people better even after one or two conversations with them.

Original has sentence fragment and awkward conjunctions. 'I really want to keep' is better as 'I try to keep'; 'gift' should be plural 'gifts'; 'as much as possible' reordered to 'as natural as possible'; 'more closely' should be 'better'; 'talk session' should be 'conversations'; remove trailing incomplete 'so I' by completing idea.

× There are several occasions when we are exchanging our gift with each other.

✓ There are several occasions when we exchange gifts with each other.

Use plural 'gifts' for general occasions and present simple 'exchange' fits habitual action better than present continuous 'are exchanging'.

× Firstly on personal occasion like birthday parties, gathering anniversaries and secondly we celebrate lots of festival so we are giving gift on these particular occasion and thirdly when we have some national events or.

✓ Firstly, on personal occasions like birthdays and anniversaries; secondly, during many festivals we give gifts on these occasions; and thirdly, when we have national events.

Multiple issues: 'occasion' should be plural 'occasions'; 'birthday parties' simplified to 'birthdays'; 'gathering anniversaries' unclear—use 'anniversaries'; 'lots of festival' -> 'many festivals'; verb tense simplified to present simple 'we give'; sentence was incomplete, completed with 'national events'.

× I consider lots of things.

✓ I consider many things.

While 'lots of' is informal and acceptable in speech, 'many' is more appropriate in a structured response. No tense change needed.

× Uh first and foremost, I always keep myself my gift plastic free because I love to be an environment friendly and moreover want to choose a gift which is biodegradable.

✓ First and foremost, I always keep my gifts plastic-free because I want to be environmentally friendly and I prefer gifts that are biodegradable.

Remove incorrect reflexive 'keep myself my gift'; use plural 'gifts'; 'plastic-free' hyphenated; 'be an environment friendly' incorrect—use 'be environmentally friendly'; 'which is biodegradable' -> 'that are biodegradable' to match plural.

× So I am in favour of giving plants as a gift or a paper card.

✓ So I am in favour of giving plants or a paper card as gifts.

Word order improved; 'as a gift' placed after items and pluralized to 'gifts' to match general preference.

× And secondly, I always think about.

✓ And secondly, I always think about the recipient's preferences.

Original is a sentence fragment lacking an object. Completed sentence to explain what is meant by 'think about' and maintain present simple tense.

× Yes, during my childhood day, I used to give paper card to my father and I always feel incredibly proud when I see his smile.

✓ Yes, during my childhood, I used to give paper cards to my father, and I always felt incredibly proud when I saw his smile.

Use 'during my childhood' (not 'childhood day'); plural 'paper cards'; consistency in past: 'used to' requires past 'felt' and 'saw' rather than present 'feel'/'see'.

× And from that I just instilled with this habit to develop an emotional connect with the person to him to whom I am presenting to.

✓ From that, I developed the habit of forming an emotional connection with the person to whom I present a gift.

Original has incorrect passive and pronoun use 'instilled with this habit'; use active 'I developed the habit'; 'emotional connect' -> 'emotional connection'; remove redundant 'to him' and trailing 'to'.

× I have passed this habit to my kids.

✓ I have passed this habit on to my children.

Use phrasal verb 'passed on' and 'children' is more natural than 'kids' in formal responses; present perfect 'have passed' is acceptable.

× I really don't think so. With money we can buy the happiness or establish the connection because emotions are purely visible to the receiver.

✓ I really don't think so. With money we cannot buy happiness or establish a real connection because emotions are visible to the receiver.

'Buy the happiness' -> 'buy happiness' (no article); 'cannot' clearer than 'can' with negation; 'the connection' -> 'a real connection'; 'purely visible' -> 'visible' or 'felt' depending on intended meaning.

× So when we are putting our effort, only then a gift to become valuable.

✓ So when we put in effort, only then does a gift become valuable.

Correct word order and auxiliary 'does' for negative/inversion in present simple; 'putting our effort' -> 'put in effort'; remove infinitive 'to become' replaced with 'become'.

× Otherwise everyone can buy a gift with some money.

✓ Otherwise, anyone can buy a gift with money.

'Everyone can' acceptable but 'anyone can buy a gift with money' is more natural; removed 'some' which is unnecessary; added comma after 'Otherwise'.