礼物— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and avoid simple repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and correct tense/word choice (e.g. “I feel” rather than “I felt”).

範例: Yes — I enjoy surprising my loved ones, especially my daughter. For example, when I come home from work I often buy her chocolates or small stationery items because I feel these little gifts show my love and make her happy.

建議: Avoid fillers (“uh”) and reduce redundancy. Give a brief topic sentence, then one or two specific examples with linking words (for example, in addition, also).

範例: I usually give gifts on special occasions such as weddings, anniversaries and birthdays. In addition, I often take sweets to neighbours or family friends when I visit to show appreciation and strengthen our relationship.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence and more precise phrasing. Replace awkward constructions (e.g. “person whom I'm going to give them”) with natural forms. Use linking words such as “for example” correctly and be specific about reasons.

範例: I consider the recipient’s age and the occasion when choosing a gift. For example, if my daughter attends a friend’s birthday party I choose age-appropriate presents like crayons or small toys because they suit the child’s interests.

建議: Remove fillers and tighten phrasing. Start with a direct answer, then briefly explain context and reason. Use past tense consistently and avoid repeating the same idea.

範例: Yes. I bought a handmade sculpture for my mother when I visited Mahabalipuram, which is known for its carved statues. I thought it would be a meaningful souvenir and she loved it.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence and then support it with a concise reason and an example. Improve phrasing (e.g. “I don’t believe” and “the giver’s intention”). Avoid awkward expressions like “people mindset”.

範例: No, I don’t believe expensive gifts show feelings better. I think the giver’s intention matters more; for instance, a thoughtful handwritten letter or a small handmade item can be more meaningful than an expensive but impersonal present.

× Whenever I return back from office, I buy her some chocolates or stationery items.

✓ Whenever I return from the office, I buy her some chocolates or stationery items.

Redundant use of 'back' is unnecessary because 'return' already implies coming back; also 'office' in this context usually requires the definite article 'the'. Suggestion: remove 'back' and add 'the' before 'office' for natural present habitual expression.

× I felt this is one way of expressing my love to her and she always gets surprised with my small gifts.

✓ I feel this is one way of expressing my love to her, and she is always surprised by my small gifts.

Mixed tense: 'felt' (past) conflicts with general truth expressed by 'this is'. Use present 'feel' for habitual/ongoing belief. 'Gets surprised with' is unnatural; use 'is surprised by'. Suggestion: keep present tense for general statements and use 'surprised by' for correct preposition.

× I generally prefer giving gifts during special occasions like uh, weddings, anniversaries, or birthday parties.

✓ I generally prefer giving gifts on special occasions like weddings, anniversaries, or birthday parties.

Use 'on' with occasions rather than 'during' for discrete events. No article is needed before plural nouns like 'weddings'. Suggestion: replace 'during' with 'on' for natural collocation.

× Also, I buy sweets whenever I visit my neighbors or family friends house so that, uh, they feel happy and it's also one of the ways to show my token of love.

✓ Also, I buy sweets whenever I visit my neighbors' or family friends' houses so that they feel happy; it's also one of the ways to show a token of my love.

Possessive apostrophes are required for 'neighbors' and 'family friends' and 'house' should be plural to match 'neighbors'. 'Show my token of love' is awkward; use 'show a token of my love'. Also avoid filler 'uh' and use punctuation for clarity.

× It usually depends upon the person whom I'm going to give them or the event which I'm attending.

✓ It usually depends on the person to whom I'm going to give it or the event I am attending.

Wrong pronoun use: 'whom I'm going to give them' is incorrect because 'them' is unnecessary and 'whom' needs an appropriate object/structure. Use 'to whom I'm going to give it' or simpler 'who I'm giving it to'. Also 'depends upon' is acceptable but 'depends on' is more common. 'Which I'm attending' should be 'I am attending' for natural relative clause.

× Uh, for example, if I take my daughter to our friend's birthday party, we usually give them toys or any kind of stationery items like crayons or colour pencils which really suits their age.

✓ For example, if I take my daughter to our friend's birthday party, we usually give the child toys or stationery items like crayons or colored pencils that really suit their age.

Pronoun agreement and reference issues: 'them' is vague; specify 'the child' or 'the birthday child'. 'Any kind of stationery items' is wordy—'stationery items' is sufficient. 'Which really suits their age' has subject-verb agreement error: 'suits' should agree with plural subject or change phrasing to 'that really suit their age'. Also 'colour' Americanize to 'colored' if desired; keep consistent. Remove filler 'Uh'.

× Yes, I presented my mom with, uh, handmade sculpture when I visited Mahabalipuram.

✓ Yes, I presented my mom with a handmade sculpture when I visited Mahabalipuram.

Missing article 'a' before 'handmade sculpture'. Also unnecessary filler 'uh'. Suggestion: include the indefinite article for singular countable nouns.

× Mahabalipuram is famous for handmade statues and idols, so when I got a chance to visit there, I purchased and gave it to her.

✓ Mahabalipuram is famous for handmade statues and idols, so when I had the chance to visit, I bought one and gave it to her.

Avoid 'visit there' — use 'visit' without 'there' or 'visit there' is redundant. 'Got a chance' is colloquial; 'had the chance' is more natural. 'Purchased and gave it' is awkward; simpler 'bought one and gave it to her'. Use consistent past tense 'had/bought/gave'.

× No, I never believed that giving a costly gift will make someone happy.

✓ No, I don't believe that giving a costly gift will make someone happy.

Mix of past 'never believed' with present general opinion. For a current belief, use present simple 'don't believe'. Alternatively, if intending past, change 'will' to 'would'. Suggestion: keep tense consistent for opinions.

× Instead, it's the willingness and the intention of the people mindset to give the gift is more important than its cost.

✓ Instead, the willingness and intention behind giving the gift are more important than its cost.

Awkward phrasing 'the intention of the people mindset' is incorrect. Use 'intention behind giving the gift' or 'people's intentions'. Also subject-verb agreement: compound subject 'willingness and intention' requires plural verb 'are'. Remove redundant 'it is' construction. Suggestion: simplify phrasing for clarity.