分享— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Your answer is relevant and gives reasons with an example, but language has some awkward phrasing and slight redundancy. Make sentences more natural and concise, correct collocations (e.g., 'important value' not 'important model'), and avoid repeating the same idea. Use a clear topic sentence, then one or two supporting details linked with words like 'because' or 'for example.'

範例: Yes — my parents taught me to share from a young age. They believed sharing was an important value because it helps children become more compassionate. For example, they encouraged us to take turns when playing games or sharing snacks.

建議: Good structure: clear topic sentence and contrast. Improve accuracy (plural/singular, collocations) and eliminate filler words like 'Umm.' Be more specific and concise: use linking words ('however', 'because') correctly and avoid vague phrases ('on the other side').

範例: I usually share everyday items like snacks or stationery because they are inexpensive and easy to replace. However, I avoid sharing personal items such as my clothes or laptop because they are private and could be damaged or lost.

建議: The answer addresses the question but has many grammar, vocabulary and clarity issues (numbers, pronouns, word choice like 'pathos'). Organize into a clear topic sentence and one or two precise examples. Use correct terms ('bed sheets', 'skin contact', 'infection') and linking words ('for example', 'because').

範例: I believe personal items that touch the body, such as towels, bed sheets, or razors, should not be shared because they can spread infections. For example, sharing a towel can transfer bacteria or fungi from one person to another.

建議: Clear and natural answer with personal detail. Improve small grammatical issues ('others' → 'others', 'I like' → 'I liked' if referring to last night) and refine phrasing to sound more natural. Add a linking word ('because' already used) and keep it concise.

範例: Actually, I baked a cake last night and shared it with my friends. It gave me a sense of fulfillment as a dietitian, and I appreciated their feedback on the recipe and texture so I can improve my baking.

建議: Good personal example and clear reason. Fix grammar and word choice ('close family' or 'close family members', 'for last year' → 'last year'), remove fillers ('uh'), and maintain consistent tense. Combine shorter sentences for flow using linking words like 'because' and 'so.'

範例: I usually tell close family and friends first because I enjoy their reactions. For example, when I got a job last year I immediately called my sister — she was so excited, which made the moment even more special.

建議: You give a relevant answer with professional detail, but language needs correction ('dietetic' not 'diatatic', 'keep them updated about' etc.). Be more concise and avoid repetition. Use linking words ('so', 'also') properly and correct plural/singular forms ('this kind of information' → 'this kind of information' or 'these kinds of information').

範例: Most of my friends have a dietetic background, so we share updates about food and nutrition. We also exchange research and news about metabolic disorders to stay professionally connected and improve our skills.

× they believed it is an important model.

✓ they believed it was an important model.

Tense consistency: the examiner asks about childhood, a past context, so the verb should be past ('was') to match 'taught'. Use past tense for linked clause to maintain sequence of tenses.

× Value sharing helps children become more compassionate and empathetic, for example by encouraging us to take turns with joy and food.

✓ Valuing sharing helps children become more compassionate and empathetic; for example, it encourages them to take turns with toys and food.

Word choice and clarity: 'Value sharing' is awkward; 'Valuing sharing' or 'The value of sharing' is correct. Also 'us' should match the subject 'children' and 'take turns with joy and food' is unclear; 'toys and food' is clearer. Use semicolon or period to separate clauses and add commas for readability.

× such as snacks or stationery like pencil because they are in inexpensive and easy to replace.

✓ such as snacks or stationery like pencils because they are inexpensive and easy to replace.

Article/number and adjective use: 'pencil' should be plural 'pencils' to match 'stationery' (plural). 'in' before 'inexpensive' is incorrect; remove it. Maintain plural agreement when listing general items.

× could be damaged or lost on the other side.

✓ could be damaged or lost by others.

Preposition and phrasing: 'on the other side' is vague and incorrect in this context. Use 'by others' or 'while being lent' to indicate the risk that others may damage or lose items.

× sharing very personal things can also be a cause of contamination.

✓ sharing very personal things can also cause contamination.

Word form and concision: 'be a cause of contamination' is wordy; 'can also cause contamination' is more natural and direct. Maintain verb usage rather than nominalization.

× I think 1 should never share the things that he put on his body or use for making bad for example bed sheet because it can increase the cross contamination as well as also a mode of spreading pathos and from one person to another person so one should be very careful.

✓ I think one should never share items that one puts on the body or uses for personal hygiene, for example a bedsheet, because they can increase cross-contamination and spread pathogens from one person to another; so one should be very careful.

Multiple issues: '1' is a typo for 'one'. Pronoun consistency: use 'one' consistently rather than mixing 'he' and 'one'. Verb forms: 'put' should be 'puts' if using 'he', but with 'one' use base form structure 'one puts'. 'making bad' is incorrect; 'personal hygiene' or 'for personal use' fits. 'bed sheet' should be 'bedsheet' or 'bedsheet/bedsheet' corrected to 'a bedsheet'. 'pathos' is wrong word—should be 'pathogens'. Also restructure sentence for clarity and punctuation; pluralize 'they' for 'items'.

× I baked a cake last night and I like to share it with other because it gives me a sense of fulfillment as a dietitian.

✓ I baked a cake last night and I liked to share it with others because it gave me a sense of fulfillment as a dietitian.

Tense consistency and plurality: The action happened in the past ('baked last night'), so continue with past tense 'liked' and 'gave'. 'other' should be plural 'others'. Keep tense consistent throughout the sentence.

× I also value their feedback on the recipe and texture so I can improve my cooking skills.

✓ I also value their feedback on the recipe and the texture so I can improve my cooking skills.

Article use and parallelism: Add 'the' before 'texture' for parallel structure with 'the recipe'. This makes the nouns specific and balances the sentence.

× My friend and closely family are the first people I tell when I have good news because I love seeing their reaction.

✓ My friends and close family are the first people I tell when I have good news because I love seeing their reactions.

Word choice and number agreement: 'friend' should be plural 'friends' if paired with 'family'. 'closely' is an adverb but 'close' (adjective) is needed. 'reaction' should be plural 'reactions' to match multiple people.

× For example, when I got a job, uh, for last year, I immediately called my sister.

✓ For example, when I got a job last year, I immediately called my sister.

Word order and extra words: Remove extraneous 'for' and filler 'uh'; 'last year' should follow 'got a job' directly. Keep past tense as appropriate.

× I also sharing with them because I already know how they'll respond, which makes the news feel more fun.

✓ I also share with them because I already know how they'll respond, which makes the news more fun.

Verb form: 'I also sharing' is incorrect; use the base verb 'share' with subject 'I'. Also 'feel more fun' is less natural than 'be more fun' or 'make the news more fun'—here 'makes the news more fun' is concise.

× My old friends are from diatatic background, so I always keep them updating regarding anything happening in the world of food and nutrition.

✓ My old friends are from a dietetic background, so I always keep them updated about anything happening in the world of food and nutrition.

Word choice and prepositions: 'diatatic' is misspelled; correct term 'dietetic'. Use 'a dietetic background' with article. 'keep them updating' is incorrect; use 'keep them updated'. Use preposition 'about' instead of 'regarding' for natural phrasing.

× Moreover, I also get lots of content regarding many updates in metabolic disorders.

✓ Moreover, I also receive a lot of content about updates in metabolic disorders.

Word choice and quantity: 'get lots of content regarding many updates' is wordy and slightly awkward. Use 'receive a lot of content about updates' for clarity. 'a lot' is more natural than 'lots' in this formal context.

× So we do exchange these kind of information that keep us professionally connected as well as make us more skilled.

✓ So we exchange this kind of information that keeps us professionally connected and helps us become more skilled.

Determiner and subject-verb agreement: 'these kind of information' is incorrect—'this kind of information' or 'these kinds of information' but better: 'this kind of information'. 'information' is uncountable, so use 'this'. Verb agreement: 'that keep' should be 'that keeps' to agree with 'this kind of information' (singular concept), and 'make us more skilled' is better as 'helps us become more skilled' for clarity.