分享— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more precise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples using linking words. Avoid awkward phrasing like "in order that we have"—use "so that we have" or "to help us communicate." Keep it under 3 sentences.

範例: Yes, they did. For example, my parents encouraged me to share toys and talk about my feelings so that we could maintain good communication. This taught me to be open with family and friends.

建議: Give a direct topic sentence and then add specific examples and a linking phrase. Avoid vague words like "something like that" and reduce fillers such as "And yeah." Keep to 2–3 sentences.

範例: I usually share everyday experiences with my friends. For instance, I talk about my daily routine, work updates, and any interesting events that happened that day.

建議: Answer more directly and use clearer vocabulary. Start with a topic sentence naming categories (family matters, personal secrets), then explain why using linking words. Correct grammar: "things that are not suitable" and avoid the word "disgrace"—use "embarrassing matters."

範例: I think personal family matters and private secrets are not suitable to share. These topics are sensitive and could hurt others or damage relationships if discussed publicly.

建議: Be concise and coherent: start with a clear statement of what you want to share, then give one specific detail and use correct grammar ("who wants to"; finish the sentence). Avoid trailing off. Use linking words like "because" or "so" properly.

範例: Yes. I recently shared my progress toward getting a job on a cruise ship because I am still waiting for the next step in the application. I wanted someone who could give advice and listen to my concerns.

建議: Make the reason clearer and correct grammar. Start with a topic sentence and then add two specific reasons using linking words like "because" or "since." Remove vague phrases like "you know."

範例: I would share good news with my mother because she is supportive and gives helpful advice. I feel comfortable talking to her and she always celebrates my successes.

建議: Be direct: name the kinds of news (daily activities, plans, achievements) and give a short example. Avoid filler words like "right" and correct grammar ("what I usually share with my friends").

範例: I usually share news about my daily activities and plans with my friends. For example, I tell them about work, social plans, or anything interesting that happened during the day.

× Yeah, they did. They taught me how to share anything that happened in my life, so in order that we have a good communication.

✓ Yeah, they did. They taught me how to share anything that happened in my life so that we could have good communication.

The sentence uses past tense context ('they did', 'taught', 'happened') so the result clause should match past modality: use 'could' not present 'have'. Also 'in order that' is formal and awkward here; 'so that' is natural. Remove the article 'a' before 'good communication' because 'communication' is uncountable in this sense.

× I have no specific things that I like to share, but if I meet with my friend, usually I talk about a daily routine or something like that.

✓ I don't have specific things that I like to share, but if I meet with my friends I usually talk about my daily routine or something like that.

Use simple present negation 'I don't have' rather than 'I have no' for natural spoken English. 'Friend' should be plural 'friends' or 'a friend' depending on meaning; plural fits better with 'if I meet'. Adverb 'usually' normally comes before the main verb: 'I usually talk'. 'A daily routine' should be 'my daily routine' to indicate the speaker's routine.

× And the things that not suitable to be shared, I think it's about a family because it's too sensitive if you talk about it and of course about your secret and disgrace.

✓ The things that are not suitable to be shared are family matters because they are too sensitive to talk about, and of course personal secrets and shameful matters.

Missing auxiliary 'are' for 'that are not suitable'. 'About a family' is awkward: use 'family matters'. Use plural agreement 'are' and 'they are' because 'family matters' is plural. 'It's too sensitive if you talk about it' is corrected to 'they are too sensitive to talk about'. 'Your secret and disgrace' is unnatural; 'personal secrets and shameful matters' is clearer and idiomatic.

× Yes, I do. I'd like to share about my progress because I want to work on the cruise ship and I don't get the next step yet so I think I need a partner who want to listen to me carefully and.

✓ Yes, I do. I'd like to share my progress because I want to work on a cruise ship and I haven't reached the next step yet, so I think I need a partner who wants to listen to me carefully.

Do not use 'share about'; use 'share my progress' or 'talk about my progress'. 'Work on the cruise ship' -> 'work on a cruise ship' or 'work on the cruise ship' depending, but 'a cruise ship' is more general. 'I don't get the next step yet' should be past participle/present perfect 'I haven't reached the next step yet'. Relative clause needs 'wants' to agree with singular 'partner'. Remove dangling 'and' at the end.

× Of course my mom, because I have assumed her likes my friend and she always has a way to solve the problem, you know, and I'm comfortable when I talk with her.

✓ Of course my mom, because I assume she likes my friends and she always knows how to solve problems, and I'm comfortable when I talk with her.

'I have assumed her likes my friend' is incorrect pronoun use and tense. Use 'I assume' (simple present) for belief. 'Her likes my friend' should be 'she likes my friends' (correct subject pronoun and plural). 'Has a way to solve the problem' is awkward: use 'knows how to solve problems'.

× A lot of things, right, If we are talking about things that usually I share to my friend, but the things that mostly I talk about is daily activity.

✓ A lot of things. If we're talking about what I usually share with my friends, the things I mostly talk about are daily activities.

Use contraction 'we're' for natural speech and correct word order: 'what I usually share'. Preposition 'to' should be 'with' for sharing with someone. Subject-verb agreement: 'the things ... are daily activities' (plural). 'Daily activity' should be plural if referring generally. Remove filler 'right' or place it appropriately.