自行车— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Make your answer more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundant phrases like “when I was in my childhood” and “for the very first time.” Also try to use varied vocabulary (e.g., thrilled, memorable) and keep to under five sentences.

範例: Yes. My father bought me my first bike when I was eleven, and I was thrilled. I remember riding it every afternoon in the park, which helped me become more confident and independent.

建議: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence and concise reasons, using linking words for coherence. Avoid repetition (e.g., “whenever” used twice) and incorrect phrasing ("use that bicycles just to keep them"). Give specific examples (commuting, exercise) and a brief comparison or result. Use accurate vocabulary (e.g., affordable, commuting, elderly).

範例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. For children they are an affordable way to travel to school, and many adults use bicycles for short commutes or exercise. As a result, cycling is common in both cities and smaller towns.

× Yeah, when I was in my childhood, then my father bought me a bike for the very first time when I was 11 years old, and I was very excited and happy to get that bike.

✓ Yes, when I was a child, my father bought me a bike for the first time when I was 11 years old, and I was very excited and happy to get it.

The phrase 'in my childhood' is awkward; use 'when I was a child'. The word 'then' is unnecessary and disrupts sentence flow so it should be removed. 'For the very first time' is wordy; 'for the first time' is clearer. 'That bike' is acceptable but 'it' is more natural. Overall the sentence structure is long and can be simplified for clarity. Suggestion: simplify time phrase, remove redundant words, and use pronoun 'it' for the previously mentioned bike.

× In my home country, bikes are really popular among children and among elders as well.

✓ In my home country, bikes are really popular among children and elders as well.

Using 'among children and among elders' repeats the preposition unnecessarily. Remove the second 'among' to avoid redundancy. Also 'elders' is acceptable but 'older people' or 'adults' is often more natural; however this is stylistic rather than strictly grammatical.

× Because whenever especially for children, whenever they have to go outside, they usually go with bike to save their money because it doesn't cost you any money.

✓ Especially for children, when they have to go outside, they usually go by bike to save money because it doesn't cost them anything.

The original contains multiple redundant subordinators ('because', 'whenever', 'especially') causing an awkward structure. 'Go with bike' is incorrect collocation; the correct preposition is 'by bike'. Use 'save money' instead of 'save their money' in this context and replace 'you' with 'them' to match the subject. Remove redundant words and reorder clauses to make the sentence clear and grammatical.

× And beyond that elders use that bicycles just to keep them.

✓ Beyond that, older people use bicycles just to keep fit.

The original has several issues: 'elders' is an awkward choice and 'that bicycles' is incorrect because 'that' does not agree with plural 'bicycles'. The phrase 'just to keep them' is incomplete and unclear—likely intended 'keep fit' (maintain fitness). Change 'elders' to 'older people' and correct agreement and pronoun usage. Also add a comma after 'Beyond that' for clarity.