音乐— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition of the word “happy” and correct grammar (e.g., “gives me good vibes” → “gives me a good vibe” or “makes me feel happy”).

範例: I like both sad and happy music, but lately I prefer happy songs because they give me a positive mood and increase my energy. For example, upbeat pop music helps me stay motivated when I’m working or exercising.

建議: Clarify and use precise vocabulary. Start with a direct answer, then explain briefly with one specific effect and an example. Avoid vague biological terms like “spikes of dopamine” unless used correctly; say “energized” or “more focused.”

範例: Yes, it does. Happy music energizes me and helps me concentrate, so I can focus better on tasks or push harder during workouts. For instance, I often play upbeat tracks when I study to maintain my focus.

建議: Use correct tense and smoother phrasing. Answer directly, then give a reason and a plan. Avoid repetition (“class music class”) and fix word order (e.g., “I have never taken music classes before”).

範例: No, I have never taken music classes before, but I’d like to in the future because I want to learn to play the guitar. If I get the chance, I’ll enroll in a beginner course to improve my skills.

建議: Be specific and concise: give a topic sentence, then list 2–3 typical activities with a brief reason using linking words. Remove fillers (“uh”) and small grammar fixes (“listen to music”, “has a huge part”).

範例: Yes, I often listen to music while I exercise, when I’m driving, and occasionally while playing video games. Music helps me stay motivated at the gym and makes long drives more pleasant.

× Actually I like both of them sad and happy music.

✓ Actually I like both sad and happy music.

The phrase 'both of them sad and happy music' incorrectly uses the pronoun 'them' and creates awkward word order. Remove 'them' and place the adjectives before 'music' to form 'both sad and happy music.' This produces a natural noun phrase.

× But recently I tend to listen happy music because give me good vibes and happy and make me feel happy.

✓ But recently I tend to listen to happy music because it gives me good vibes and makes me feel happy.

Multiple issues: missing preposition 'to' after 'listen,' missing subject 'it' for the verbs, and incorrect verb forms. Use 'listen to,' and third-person singular verbs 'gives' and 'makes' to agree with singular subject 'it.' Also remove redundant 'happy.'

× That's why I chose to listen happy music rather than sad music.

✓ That's why I choose to listen to happy music rather than sad music.

The original uses past tense 'chose' while the context is a current preference ('that's why'). Use present tense 'choose.' Also include 'to' after 'listen.'

× Yeah, yeah, actually when I listen to happy music, it gives me such spikes of dopamine which give me a ability to work with the concentration or do sports or anything.

✓ Yeah, actually when I listen to happy music, it gives me spikes of dopamine which give me the ability to concentrate, exercise, or do other activities.

Problems include unnecessary 'such,' incorrect article 'a ability' (should be 'the ability'), awkward phrase 'work with the concentration,' and inconsistent verb forms. Use 'concentrate' as the verb, 'exercise' instead of 'do sports' for smoother phrasing, and keep plurality consistent ('spikes' give).

× So I think that good music helps me.

✓ So I think that good music helps me focus and feel motivated.

Original sentence is grammatically acceptable but vague. Improve clarity by specifying how music helps (e.g., 'helps me focus and feel motivated'). This is a stylistic improvement rather than a strict grammatical correction.

× Unfortunately, I never before take a classes of music, but it sounds good and I'm really excited to try a class music class in the future maybe.

✓ Unfortunately, I have never taken music classes before, but it sounds good and I'm really excited to try a music class in the future.

Use present perfect 'have never taken' to describe experience up to now. 'a classes of music' is incorrect (number and article); use 'music classes' or 'a music class.' Remove duplicated 'class' and place 'before' after the verb phrase.

× So yeah, if I have, if I have the chance, I will take it for sure.

✓ So yeah, if I have the chance, I will definitely take one.

Redundant repetition 'if I have, if I have.' Replace with single clause. 'Take it' is vague; use 'take one' referring to a class, and 'definitely' is a more natural adverb than 'for sure.' Tense and conditional structure are fine.

× And I usually listen music when I exercise in the gym or uh, driving, driving by car and sometimes when I play video games.

✓ And I usually listen to music when I exercise at the gym, when I'm driving, or sometimes when I play video games.

'Listen music' needs the preposition 'to.' Use 'at the gym' for location. Use consistent verb forms: 'when I'm driving' or 'when I drive.' Clean up repetition 'driving, driving by car.'

× So the music has a huge a part in my life.

✓ So music plays a huge part in my life.

The phrase 'has a huge a part' contains a duplicated article 'a' and awkward verb choice. 'Music plays a huge part in my life' is idiomatic and grammatically correct.