音乐— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Cải thiện: Nói ngắn gọn, mạch lạc và phân biệt rõ các loại nhạc bạn thích; sửa ngữ pháp (eg. “push me to be better”), tránh lặp từ. Nên bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, sau đó đưa 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể (khi nào, cảm giác thế nào).

範例: I prefer heavy and upbeat music. After a long day of work or study, heavy music helps me unwind and releases stress, while happy, upbeat songs motivate me to stay positive and focused.

建議: Cải thiện: Tránh lặp lại ý và dùng liên từ đúng (eg. “as I mentioned” dùng tiết chế). Trình bày 1 ý chính rồi bổ sung lý do cụ thể, dùng liên từ như “because” hoặc “so”. Chú ý ngữ pháp và thứ tự từ (eg. “after a long day at school or work”).

範例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because it lifts my mood and increases my energy. For example, upbeat songs help me feel more alert and ready to socialize after a tiring day at work.

建議: Cải thiện: Trình bày rõ ràng loại lớp đã học và lý do đăng ký; sửa lỗi từ vựng (ví dụ “dancing classes” not “for reverse week”), ngữ pháp (eg. “my body is quite flat” unclear — nên dùng “not very fit” hoặc “a bit out of shape”), và diễn đạt súc tích. Nên dùng 2 câu tối đa: giới thiệu + lý do/hiệu quả cụ thể.

範例: Yes, I have taken dance classes recently because I felt a bit out of shape. Dancing helped me lose weight, improve my fitness, and relax after long working days.

建議: Cải thiện: Tránh câu quá dài và sửa ngữ pháp (eg. “doing my housework”, “listening to music helps me concentrate”). Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề ngắn gọn, sau đó nêu ví dụ cụ thể về việc bạn làm và lợi ích rõ ràng (tập trung, thư giãn).

範例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing housework or studying on my laptop. Listening to calm music helps me feel peaceful and actually improves my concentration on tasks.

× I prefer listening to heavy music because it can help me to feel better after the hard day of working or studying and happy music which can push my myself to be better rather than listen to sad music which make me cry a lot.

✓ I prefer listening to heavy music because it can help me feel better after a hard day of work or study, and happy music can push me to be better rather than sad music, which makes me cry a lot.

The sentence misuses verb forms and has redundancy and agreement errors. Use 'feel' after 'help' (help + base verb), use 'a hard day of work or study' instead of 'the hard day of working or studying', remove redundant 'myself', and ensure subject-verb agreement: 'sad music... makes me cry'. Suggestions: simplify clauses, use 'help me feel', use singular 'a hard day', and match verbs to subjects.

× As I mentioned that the happy music or the heavy music can push me up and cheer me up because I spend a lot of time working and studying. So when listening happy music, which can make me feel relaxed and comfortable and also make me feel more excited after the long day at school or company.

✓ As I mentioned, happy music or heavy music can cheer me up because I spend a lot of time working and studying. So when I listen to happy music, it makes me feel relaxed and comfortable and more excited after a long day at school or work.

Incorrect use of '-ing' in 'when listening happy music' and awkward phrasing. Use 'when I listen to' (subject + base verb) rather than bare gerund. Also remove unnecessary 'which' and use 'it makes' for clarity. Replace 'company' with 'work'. Suggestions: use 'when I listen to', keep consistent subjects and verbs, and avoid extra relative clauses.

× Yes, I have already taken the dancing classes for reverse week because my body is quite flat.

✓ Yes, I have already taken dance classes recently because my body is quite flat.

Awkward phrase 'dancing classes for reverse week' is unclear; use 'dance classes' and a clearer time expression like 'recently'. Present perfect 'have already taken' is acceptable; keep it. Suggestion: choose precise time words and correct noun form 'dance classes'.

× So the ways of joining the the dancing class can help me lose weight and also feel relaxed after the long hours days of work.

✓ So joining the dance class can help me lose weight and feel relaxed after long working days.

Double 'the' present and awkward noun phrases. Use gerund 'joining' without 'the ways of', use 'dance class' or 'dance classes' consistently, and 'long working days' is a natural phrase. Remove extra articles and reorder words for clarity.

× Yes, I always listen to music while I am doing my house work, especially on the laptop because listen to music help me feel peaceful in my mind which can make me feel more concentrations on the work of the study.

✓ Yes, I always listen to music while I am doing housework, especially on my laptop, because listening to music helps me feel calm, which allows me to concentrate more on my work or studies.

Use correct noun 'housework' (one word) and possessive 'my laptop'. Use gerund 'listening' as the subject of the clause and third-person singular verb 'helps'. 'Concentrations' is incorrect—use 'concentrate' or 'concentration' properly; here 'concentrate more' fits. Suggestions: use 'listening to music helps', match singular/plural and verb forms, and choose clearer nouns 'work or studies'.