音乐— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and precise: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid hesitation words (umm, uh) and awkward phrasing like "prefer to add melancholy music." Use linking words to show contrast (for example, "but" or "however").

範例: I usually choose music based on my mood. For example, when I feel happy or excited I listen to upbeat pop, but when I’m sad I prefer slow, melancholic songs because they help me reflect.

建議: Start with a direct answer, then give one clear reason and a brief example. Remove hesitations and unclear phrases (e.g., "sub boosts"). Use linking words like "because" and "for example." Keep it to two or three sentences.

範例: Yes, definitely. Because I have ADHD, upbeat music increases my dopamine and makes me more energetic; for example, fast-tempo pop or electronic songs help me concentrate and feel excited.

建議: Give a concise topic sentence stating the main point, then add a specific detail (when and how long). Remove repetitions and filler words. Use a linking word if adding extra information (e.g., "and").

範例: Yes. I took violin lessons from primary school and continued for about seven years, so I learned basic techniques and played in a small school ensemble.

建議: Answer directly, then give specific examples and avoid general or incorrect plural forms ("musics"). Clarify unclear words ("platters" likely meant "pilates" or "workouts"). Use linking words like "while" and "but."

範例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other activities. For instance, I listen to slow, instrumental tracks when I paint, but I prefer upbeat pop or dance music for workouts and sports.

× It changed from what I feel at that moment because when I'm happy or excited, I prefer happy music.

✓ It changes depending on how I feel at the moment because when I'm happy or excited, I prefer happy music.

The student used past tense 'changed' but the idea is a general, habitual truth about current preference, so present simple 'changes' or 'depends' is correct. Use present simple for routines or general statements. Suggestion: Use present simple for habits (It changes/It depends).

× Umm, but when I'm sad and not happy at that moment, I prefer to add melancholy music.

✓ But when I'm sad, I prefer melancholy music.

Phrase 'not happy at that moment' is redundant with 'sad'; 'prefer to add melancholy music' is unnatural: 'add' is unnecessary. Use adjective 'melancholy' directly with 'music'. Suggestion: Keep sentences concise and use 'prefer' + noun (prefer melancholy music).

× Yes, I have ADHD so upbeat music sub boosts my dopamine levels and makes me feel more energetic.

✓ Yes, I have ADHD, so upbeat music boosts my dopamine levels and makes me feel more energetic.

The insertion 'sub' appears to be an error. Also ensure subject-verb agreement: 'upbeat music boosts' is correct for singular collective noun. Remove stray word 'sub' and add comma before 'so'. Suggestion: Proofread for stray words; use comma before conjunction linking clauses.

× For example when I listen to pop or electronic songs.

✓ For example, when I listen to pop or electronic songs, I feel more focused and excited.

This fragment lacks a main clause and is incomplete. It should connect to a main verb to express the result. Adding a main clause completes the sentence. Suggestion: Combine with the following idea or finish the thought (add result clause).

× Umm with a fast tempo I can focus better and feel more excited.

✓ With a fast tempo I can focus better and feel more excited.

Remove filler 'Umm'. The verb forms 'can focus' and 'feel' are present and appropriate. Ensure punctuation: add comma after introductory phrase if desired. Suggestion: Omit fillers and consider a comma after the introductory phrase: 'With a fast tempo, I can...'.

× Yes, uh, when I'm in primary school, I, I was playing violin.

✓ Yes. When I was in primary school, I played the violin.

Mixes present 'I'm' with past activity. Use past tense 'was' for time reference and simple past 'played' for habitual activity. Include article 'the' for specific instrument. Suggestion: Use 'when I was in primary school' + simple past for repeated past actions: 'I played the violin.'

× So in class times, music class times, uh, I was getting uh, violin classes for almost like 7 years.

✓ So during music class, I took violin lessons for almost seven years.

'In class times, music class times' is awkward; use 'during music class' or 'in music class'. 'Was getting' is an awkward continuous passive; use 'took violin lessons' for correctness. Spell out numbers under ten in formal speech: 'seven'. Suggestion: Use 'took violin lessons' or 'had violin lessons' and simplify time phrases ('for almost seven years').

× Yes, when I'm painting or doing my hobbies or sports I love listening musics.

✓ Yes, when I'm painting or doing my hobbies or sports, I love listening to music.

'Musics' is uncountable; use 'music'. Also add preposition 'to' after 'listening'. Add comma after introductory clause. Suggestion: Use 'listening to music' and treat 'music' as uncountable.

× I prefer more slow musics when I'm painting but when I'm doing platters, umm and fitness I prefer pop musics.

✓ I prefer slower music when I'm painting, but when I'm doing pilates and fitness I prefer pop music.

Multiple errors: 'more slow' should be 'slower' (comparative adjective). 'Musics' is wrong; use 'music' (uncountable). 'Platters' is likely a mispronunciation of 'pilates'. Use comma before 'but'. Suggestion: Use comparative forms ('slower'), uncountable noun 'music', and correct activity names ('pilates').