音乐— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific reason with an example. Use a linking word to connect ideas.

範例: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and energises me. For example, upbeat pop songs help me feel more positive when I’m stressed, so I usually play them in the morning to start my day.

建議: Avoid fillers like “uh” and small repetitions. Give one clear reason and a specific example of when you play happy music, using a linking word to make it coherent.

範例: Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited, and because of that I often play energetic playlists while I’m coding or exercising. For instance, upbeat electronic tracks help me concentrate and maintain a faster pace at the gym.

建議: Begin with a direct answer then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid repeating the same phrase (e.g., “sing songs”) and keep it within 2–3 sentences.

範例: No, I haven’t taken formal music classes, but I enjoy singing and often join singing competitions at my college. Participating in these events has helped me improve my stage confidence and vocal control.

建議: Remove inappropriate address like “Sir, you're fun” and fillers like “uh.” Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific reason and an example of how music helps your work. Keep it concise.

範例: Yes, I often listen to music while coding because it improves my focus and keeps me motivated. For example, listening to instrumental or low‑lyric tracks helps me maintain a steady workflow and complete tasks faster.

× As compared to sad music which makes me feel depressed and stressed.

✓ Compared to sad music, which makes me feel depressed and stressed.

Sentence began with 'As compared to' which is a nonstandard conjunction in this context. Use 'Compared to' and add a comma before the relative clause for clarity. Also this fragment lacked connection to main clause; making it a full comparative clause improves structure.

× And uh, I usually play music happy music whenever I'm doing work like coding or doing gym etc.

✓ I usually play happy music whenever I'm working, such as when coding or exercising at the gym.

The original has incorrect word order 'play music happy music' and awkward gerund usage 'doing gym'. Use present continuous 'working' for ongoing activities and 'exercising at the gym' for correct noun phrase. Also remove filler 'uh' and 'etc.' for clarity.

× Till now, I have not taken any music classes at any educational level, but I love to sing songs and I usually participate in events for singing songs at college and school.

✓ So far, I have not taken any music classes at any educational level, but I love singing and usually participate in singing events at college and school.

Use present perfect 'have not taken' with 'so far' (preferred over 'till now'). 'Love to sing songs' is wordy; 'love singing' is more natural. 'Participate in events for singing songs' is awkward; use 'participate in singing events'. This keeps tense consistent and improves idiomatic expression.

× Yes Sir, you're fun. Listen music while doing things like coding because uh, music keeps my mood good and uh, it also helps me to keep working with good speed.

✓ Yes, Sir. I listen to music while doing things like coding because music improves my mood and helps me work more efficiently.

Original sentence has incorrect pronoun 'you're fun' which is irrelevant; likely intended 'yes, Sir' then statement. 'Listen music' lacks the correct verb form 'listen to music'. 'Keeps my mood good' is non-idiomatic; use 'improves my mood'. 'Helps me to keep working with good speed' is awkward—use 'helps me work more efficiently'. Removed filler 'uh' and corrected punctuation.