音乐— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Give a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitation and repetition, and add one or two specific supporting details using a linking word. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and correct subject-verb agreement (e.g., "it connects").

範例: I prefer sad music because it connects with my emotions. For example, slow songs with soft melodies help me reflect and express feelings, and I find I can sing more expressively to those songs. Therefore, sad music feels more meaningful to me than upbeat music.

建議: Answer directly, avoid filler words, fix grammar (e.g., "I connect", "if the lyrics are"), and give a concise example. Use linking words (e.g., "because", "for example") to explain why happy music excites you.

範例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel excited because upbeat lyrics and rhythms lift my mood. For example, when I hear an energetic pop song with cheerful lyrics, I feel motivated to move and smile, so I often play it when I need a boost.

建議: Start with a direct statement, remove hesitation and repetitions, and clarify what the experience involved. Add one linking phrase (e.g., "In that class") and a specific detail about skills learned or activities you did.

範例: Yes, I joined the school choir in high school, although it was more of an extracurricular activity than a formal class. In the choir I practiced harmonies, learned to read basic music notation, and performed at school concerts, which improved my singing and teamwork skills.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence and avoid repetition. Use linking words to list activities and provide one specific example of when music helps you. Keep answers concise (2–3 sentences).

範例: Yes, I listen to music almost all the time because it’s been important in my life since childhood. For example, I usually play music while driving and cleaning because it keeps me focused and lifts my mood.

× I prefer sad music somehow it just connects umm more to me when it comes to sad music.

✓ I prefer sad music; somehow it just connects more with me when it comes to sad music.

Run-on sentence and incorrect preposition: use a semicolon or period to separate clauses and use 'connects with' not 'connects to'. Also remove filler 'umm' for clarity.

× Maybe because I can sing and I sing better with sad music and soft melody and I just kinda connects more with feelings, all that stuff with sad music.

✓ Maybe because I can sing, and I sing better with sad music and soft melodies, and I just kind of connect more with feelings and all that stuff in sad music.

Conjunctions and lists need commas for clarity; 'melody' should be plural 'melodies' to match context; 'kinda' should be 'kind of' in formal speech; subject-verb agreement: 'I ... connect' not 'connects'.

× It does it's absolutely does make me feel excited and happy Umm, I connects with music better with the lyrics more than the melodies.

✓ It does; it absolutely makes me feel excited and happy. I connect with music more through the lyrics than the melodies.

Avoid repetition 'does it's absolutely does'; use 'it absolutely makes' for correct verb form. 'I connects' is wrong subject-verb agreement; use 'I connect'. Also use preposition 'through' or 'with' consistently: 'more through the lyrics' is clearer.

× So if the lyrics is happy and excited, I I love it and I can mix better with that.

✓ So if the lyrics are happy and excited, I love them and I can relate to them better.

'Lyrics' is plural, so use 'are' not 'is'. Pronoun must match plural 'lyrics' -> 'them'. 'Mix better with that' is unnatural; use 'relate to them'.

× For example, like Sunday Umm it's.

✓ For example, like on Sunday, it's my favorite time to listen to that kind of music.

Sentence fragment: 'it's' is incomplete. Provide a full clause to complete thought and include correct preposition 'on Sunday'.

× I did take choir class when I was in high school.

✓ I took a choir class when I was in high school.

Use simple past 'took' rather than 'did take' for natural speech. Include article 'a' before 'choir class'.

× Technically it, it, it's not like a, like an actual class, but I had a chance, uh, opportunities to join the choir team and sing with people and just enjoy the melodies and.

✓ Technically, it wasn't like an actual class, but I had opportunities to join the choir and sing with people and just enjoy the melodies.

Use past tense 'wasn't' to match context. Remove duplicated fillers. 'A, like an' redundant; use 'an actual class'. 'Chance, opportunities' is redundant; choose 'opportunities'. Remove trailing 'and' and finish the sentence.

× Absolutely. I always I love.

✓ Absolutely. I have always loved music.

Fragment and awkward present tense: merge into complete sentence 'I have always loved music' to express ongoing preference.

× I grew up listening to music, so music has always been one of important things in my life.

✓ I grew up listening to music, so music has always been one of the important things in my life.

Missing article 'the' before 'important things'. Use correct determiner 'one of the important things'.

× For example, I always listen to music while I'm driving.

✓ For example, I always listen to music while I drive.

Present simple 'I always listen while I drive' is more natural; 'while I'm driving' is acceptable but maintain parallel structure.

× I listen to music while I'm while I'm cleaning the house.

✓ I listen to music while I'm cleaning the house.

Redundancy: repeated 'while I'm' should be removed to form a single correct clause.

× I do everything with music, so I tend to.

✓ I do everything with music, so I tend to have it on all the time.

Sentence fragment 'so I tend to' is incomplete. Complete the thought by specifying what you tend to do (have music on).