音乐— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific reason and a short example. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and avoid repetition.

範例: I prefer happy music to sad music because it lifts my mood after a stressful day. For example, when I have a busy day at work, upbeat songs with lively beats help me relax and feel more energetic.

建議: Avoid hesitations and fix grammar and pronoun use. Give one clear reason and a brief example, and use linking words like "because" and "for example." Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

範例: Yes, happy music makes me feel excited because the upbeat rhythm and catchy lyrics make me want to sing along. For example, when I finish a good exam, I play an energetic song and immediately feel more lively and motivated.

建議: Correct tense and vocabulary, and be specific about what you learned. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two concrete details about skills you gained, using linking words like "and" or "for example."

範例: Yes, I took music classes in Year 5 where the teacher explained the history of music and taught basic guitar and piano. For example, I learned simple chords on the guitar and how to read notes from a beginner workbook.

建議: Be concise and avoid filler words. Give one clear reason and a short contrast using linking words like "however" or "instead." Correct phrasing (focus on my work, distract my concentration).

範例: No, I don't usually listen to music while working because it distracts my concentration. Instead, I listen to music during my free time so I can fully enjoy the melody and pay attention to the lyrics.

× I prefer happy music earlier than sad music because happy music somehow helped me to live out my mood and also help me to be more cheerfulness in my life.

✓ I prefer happy music to sad music because happy music somehow helps me to express my mood and also helps me to be more cheerful in my life.

Errors: 'earlier than' wrong comparative phrase; 'helped' and 'help' wrong tense/subject agreement; 'cheerfulness' wrong word form. Use 'prefer X to Y' for preferences, use present simple 'helps' for habitual effects, and use adjective 'cheerful' after 'be'. Suggestion: say 'prefer X to Y', keep verbs consistent (third person singular 'helps'), and use correct adjective form.

× Especially if the day was a stressful day.

✓ This is especially true if the day is stressful.

Fragment: original is a sentence fragment and inconsistent tense. Use a full clause and present simple 'is' for general statements. Suggestion: combine with previous sentence or write 'This is especially true if the day is stressful.'.

× By hearing those music will make my mood become better.

✓ Hearing that music makes my mood better.

Incorrect structure: 'By hearing those music will make...' is ungrammatical and 'music' is uncountable so 'those' is wrong. Use gerund subject 'Hearing that music' and verb agreement 'makes'. Suggestion: use 'that' or 'the' with uncountable 'music' and a simple clause.

× Yes, happy music does make my me more excited because when you hearing the lyrics and also the beat, it will give you the excitement and you want to follow the melody and the beat itself.

✓ Yes, happy music does make me more excited because when you hear the lyrics and the beat, they give you excitement and you want to follow the melody and the rhythm.

Errors: duplicate 'my me'; 'hearing' should be base form after 'when' with general subject 'you' so use 'hear'; pronoun/verb agreement: 'it' should match plural 'lyrics and beat' so use 'they give'. Word choice: 'rhythm' is better than repeating 'beat'. Suggestion: remove duplicates, use correct verb forms after time clauses, and ensure pronoun-antecedent agreement.

× So hearing happy music, I will hear it during I have a bad mood or anything that I, I, I'm good happening to me.

✓ So when I feel bad or when something good happens to me, I listen to happy music.

Original is ungrammatical and repetitive. 'During I have a bad mood' is incorrect phrase; 'anything that I, I, I'm good happening to me' is incoherent. Use clear time clauses like 'when I feel bad' or 'when something good happens' and simple present 'I listen' for habitual actions.

× Yes, I take a music class during iOS in years 5.

✓ Yes, I took a music class in Year 5.

Tense error: 'take' should be past 'took' for a completed action. 'during iOS' is unclear and likely 'in Year 5' (school year). Suggestion: use past simple and standard phrasing 'in Year 5'.

× During that time the instructor told me about the background of music and also teach me more precisely about how to use guitar and piano.

✓ During that time the instructor told me about the background of music and also taught me more precisely how to play the guitar and the piano.

Mixed tenses and verb forms: 'told' is past but 'teach' should be past 'taught'; 'use guitar and piano' is unnatural — use 'play the guitar and the piano'. Suggestion: keep past tense consistent and use natural collocations.

× He told me how to use workbooks and also learn the workbook itself and how to agonise chords.

✓ He told me how to use workbooks, how to work through the workbook, and how to organise chords.

Problems: inconsistent verb forms ('use' vs 'learn'); 'learn the workbook' is awkward; 'agonise' is misspelling of 'organise' or wrong word. Use parallel structure and correct vocabulary. Suggestion: use parallel gerunds or infinitives and correct spelling 'organise'.

× No, I don't listen to music while doing other things because for me if I want to do a work, I need to fully focus and concentrate on my works because uh, music somehow will disturb my focuses.

✓ No, I don't listen to music while doing other things because if I want to do work, I need to fully focus and concentrate on my tasks, and music disturbs my concentration.

Errors: 'a work' wrong article and countability; 'my works' should be 'my tasks' or 'my work'; 'will disturb my focuses' incorrect plural 'focuses' and awkward modality. Use present simple for habits 'music disturbs'. Suggestion: use uncountable 'work' or 'tasks', and 'concentration' for the noun.

× And also I will prefer to hear music during my leisure time because I will give a full focus on the music and learn about the lyric.

✓ I also prefer to listen to music during my leisure time because I can fully focus on the music and learn the lyrics.

Preposition and verb choice issues: 'prefer to hear' is acceptable but 'prefer to listen to' is more natural; 'give a full focus on' should be 'fully focus on' or 'give full attention to'; 'learn about the lyric' should be 'learn the lyrics' (plural). Suggestion: use 'prefer to listen to', 'fully focus on', and 'learn the lyrics'.