教师— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and start with a clear topic sentence. Avoid redundancy and slightly vague phrases like “a bit mean.” Add one specific example to make the answer more vivid and use a linking word to connect contrasting ideas.

範例: I don't have a single favorite teacher. For example, one teacher in primary school explained math concepts clearly and used real-life examples, which helped me understand better. However, another teacher could be strict and quick to scold, so I didn’t feel comfortable participating.

建議: Give a direct topic sentence and avoid repeating ideas. Clarify the point about your friend—explain why his stories put you off teaching. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example' more precisely and keep to 2–3 sentences maximum.

範例: No, I don't want to be a teacher in the future because I find it hard to explain ideas clearly. For example, my friend who is a teacher often spends class time telling long stories, which made me realise I wouldn't enjoy that part of the job.

建議: Start with a direct statement and then give one concise specific detail to illustrate why you remember him. Replace informal phrasing like 'screaming' with calmer vocabulary (e.g., 'raised his voice') and avoid repeating 'screaming' idea twice.

範例: Yes, I still remember my 4th grade teacher because he often raised his voice at students for small mistakes. That behaviour made the classroom atmosphere tense and made it hard for us to concentrate.

建議: Make the response grammatically complete and more specific. Explain briefly why contact ended and use clearer time phrases. Avoid trailing or incomplete sentences.

範例: No, I'm not in touch with my primary school teachers anymore. I stayed in contact with my first-grade teacher for a few years because she was very kind, but we lost touch after she retired and moved away.

建議: Give a direct topic sentence and one clear, specific example of how a teacher helped you. Avoid vague phrases like 'kind of sounded absurd' and use linking words such as 'for instance' or 'as a result' to show the effect.

範例: Helpful teachers explained difficult topics in simple steps, which made them easier to understand. For instance, my history teacher used timelines and stories to make events clear, so I could remember dates and causes much better.

建議: Open with a concise position, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Remove filler phrases and make sentences shorter to improve clarity and coherence.

範例: No, I prefer my high school teachers because they were very supportive. For example, two teachers in core subjects explained concepts clearly and offered extra help after class, so I always felt supported.

× Some of my teachers I had in previous schools were super kind and could explain the new material we learned very well.

✓ Some of the teachers I had at previous schools were very kind and could explain the new material we learned very well.

The original sentence has a nonstandard word order ('Some of my teachers I had in previous schools'). Reordering to 'Some of the teachers I had at previous schools' places the noun phrase and modifier in a natural English order. Also use the preposition 'at' with 'schools' rather than 'in' for this context and replace 'super kind' with 'very kind' for a more formal register.

× For example, I'm not very good at explaining clearly and this is one of the mandatory skills that you should have as a teacher.

✓ For example, I'm not very good at explaining things clearly, and this is one of the mandatory skills a teacher should have.

The original repeats subjects awkwardly ('this is one of the mandatory skills that you should have as a teacher') and omits an object after 'explaining'. Add 'things' after 'explaining' to make the verb transitive, use a comma before 'and' to join clauses, and use a reduced relative clause ('a teacher should have') for conciseness.

× In addition, one of my close friends, he is a teacher and sometimes he tells stories and no, I don't want to.

✓ In addition, one of my close friends is a teacher, and sometimes he tells stories, so I don't want to be a teacher.

The original contains a redundant subject pronoun ('one of my close friends, he is a teacher'). Remove the redundant 'he' and connect ideas with appropriate conjunctions; 'so' clarifies the result. Also complete the final clause to 'I don't want to be a teacher' to avoid sentence fragment.

× Not because it was a pleasant experience, because he wasn't very nice to his students and sometimes during class he was also screaming, even though we didn't give him any reasons to be screaming.

✓ Not because it was a pleasant experience: he wasn't very nice to his students and sometimes screamed during class, even though we didn't give him any reason to scream.

The original repeats 'because' awkwardly and uses progressive 'was screaming' where simple past 'screamed' is more natural for habitual past actions. 'Any reasons' should be singular 'any reason' with 'to + base verb' ('to scream'). Use a colon or restructure the sentence to improve coherence.

× No, I'm not in touch with my primary school teachers anymore. Before that I kept a bit in touch with my teacher I had in 1st till third grade because she was super kind and after she reached the age where you can retire she.

✓ No, I'm not in touch with my primary school teachers anymore. Before that I kept in touch a bit with the teacher I had from first to third grade because she was very kind, and she stopped teaching when she reached retirement age.

The original has word order and tense issues ('kept a bit in touch' and 'teacher I had in 1st till third grade') and an unfinished clause ending in 'she.' Reorder to 'kept in touch a bit with the teacher I had from first to third grade', use 'from first to third grade' and replace 'super kind' with 'very kind.' Complete the final idea with 'she stopped teaching when she reached retirement age' to avoid a sentence fragment.

× Some of the more helpful teachers I had explained the sometimes difficult topics we had during class in a understandable and easy to follow way, so it helped me to grasp topics, for example history, which kind of sounded absurd.

✓ Some of the more helpful teachers I had explained the sometimes difficult topics we covered in class in an understandable and easy-to-follow way, so I was able to grasp subjects such as history, which sometimes seemed obscure.

The original is wordy and has awkward phrasing ('the sometimes difficult topics we had during class', 'which kind of sounded absurd'). Use 'covered in class' and hyphenate 'easy-to-follow.' Replace 'it helped me to grasp topics, for example history' with 'so I was able to grasp subjects such as history' for clarity. 'Kind of sounded absurd' is informal; 'seemed obscure' is clearer and more appropriate.

× No, I don't because my high school teachers, they were very helpful and I had two of them for the main topics and both were good at explaining and when you had any problems they assisted you and you felt seen, which was nice.

✓ No, I don't, because my high school teachers were very helpful. I had two main teachers who were good at explaining; when you had problems they assisted you and made you feel seen, which was nice.

The original includes a redundant subject pronoun ('my high school teachers, they were') and is a run-on sentence. Remove the redundant 'they', split into clearer sentences, and use 'made you feel seen' for natural phrasing. Also specify 'two main teachers' instead of 'two of them for the main topics' for brevity and clarity.