教师— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and correct grammar; use a clear topic sentence, link ideas, and provide one or two specific examples of how he inspired you. Avoid run-on sentences and repetition.

範例: Yes. My favorite teacher is Sir Joshua, my creative writing teacher in second-year high school. He inspired me by teaching techniques such as imagery and narrative structure, which improved my stories. For example, his feedback on my short story helped me revise the plot and develop stronger characters.

建議: Clarify timeline and correct tense errors; state clearly that you are already a teacher, give concise details of your experience, and finish with a direct statement about your future intention. Use linking words for coherence.

範例: I am already a teacher; I have worked as a kindergarten teacher since 2008. I began with primary school children and later moved to early years, where I enjoy fostering young learners. Therefore, I plan to continue teaching and develop my skills further if opportunities arise.

建議: Avoid incomplete sentences and vague endings. Use a clear topic sentence, give specific examples of her strictness and how it helped you, and correct verb forms. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

範例: Yes, I remember my math teacher, Mrs. Cecil, from first-year high school. She was strict and insisted on practice, often giving challenging problem sets and reviewing mistakes in class. Because of her approach, I developed stronger calculation skills and greater confidence in solving math problems.

建議: Be more direct and tidy the response. Use conditional language correctly and avoid repetition. Provide one clear plan for reconnecting and a reason why you would like to catch up.

範例: No, I'm not currently in touch with my primary school teachers. If I had the chance, I would try to find them on Facebook to catch up and learn what they are doing now, because I appreciate their early influence on my education.

建議: Be concise and avoid awkward phrasing. Use linking words to list the ways he helped, and provide a concrete example of an action you took because of his guidance.

範例: He inspired me to improve my creative writing and grammar. For instance, he encouraged me to read widely — not only fiction but also journals and magazines — so I subscribed to a literary magazine and practiced using new vocabulary in my stories.

× He was my creative writing teacher when I was in second year high school.

✓ He was my creative writing teacher when I was in my second year of high school.

Missing article and preposition: 'second year high school' should be 'my second year of high school' to show possession and the relationship between year and school. Add 'my' and 'of' for correct noun phrase structure.

× I admire him a lot because he is eloquent, refined and wise he taught me a lot of English and language skills and mostly creative writing which inspired me to.

✓ I admire him a lot because he is eloquent, refined and wise. He taught me a lot of English and language skills, especially creative writing, which inspired me.

Run-on sentence and incomplete clause: two independent clauses were joined without punctuation; 'mostly creative writing which inspired me to' is incomplete. Split into sentences, use 'especially' for emphasis, and complete the relative clause 'which inspired me' without trailing 'to.'

× Then I move on to teaching in the early grades.

✓ Then I moved on to teaching in the early grades.

Tense inconsistency: the speaker refers to past events ('I've been teaching since 2008' and 'I started'), so 'move' should be in the past 'moved' to match the past narrative.

× I do enjoy teaching and so until now, if I have an opportunity to teach.

✓ I do enjoy teaching, and up to now I have taken every opportunity to teach.

Incomplete sentence and awkward connector: 'and so until now, if I have an opportunity to teach' is a fragment. Rephrase to express continuity and completion: 'up to now I have taken every opportunity to teach' or similar.

× She was my math teacher when I was in first year high school.

✓ She was my math teacher when I was in my first year of high school.

Missing article and preposition similar to earlier: 'first year high school' should be 'my first year of high school' for correct possessive and noun phrase structure.

× She is memorable to me because she is quite stern and serious and she is very strict, especially when teaching math concepts.

✓ She is memorable to me because she was quite stern and serious and very strict, especially when teaching math concepts.

Tense mismatch: referring to a past teacher and past classroom behavior; use past tense 'was' and 'was very strict' to be consistent with 'she was my math teacher.'

× She makes sure that I understood all that she taught and that I become.

✓ She made sure that I understood everything she taught and that I improved.

Tense inconsistency and incomplete clause: 'makes sure' should be past 'made sure' to match past context; 'all that she taught' is acceptable but 'everything she taught' is smoother; 'that I become' is incomplete—specify result such as 'that I improved.'

× Unfortunately, I am no longer in touch with any of them, although if I have an opportunity to find where they're at and what they are doing right now, probably I would.

✓ Unfortunately, I am no longer in touch with any of them, although if I had the opportunity to find where they are and what they are doing now, I probably would.

Incorrect conditional structure and colloquial preposition: use second conditional 'if I had the opportunity' for hypothetical present/future, and use 'they are' instead of 'they're at.' Move 'probably' before 'would' is acceptable but keep natural order 'I probably would.'

× I should look them up in Facebook or in social media platforms so I could catch up and find out what they're up to right now.

✓ I should look them up on Facebook or on social media platforms so I can catch up and find out what they're up to.

Wrong preposition: use 'on Facebook' and 'on social media platforms.' Also tense/modal consistency: 'so I could' should be 'so I can' for intention. Remove redundant 'right now' when context already conveys present.

× My favorite teacher inspired me to keep on improving with my creative writing skills.

✓ My favorite teacher inspired me to keep improving my creative writing skills.

'Keep on improving' is colloquial; 'keep improving' is more natural. Also use 'improving my creative writing skills' (no 'with').

× He motivated me to improve on my grammar, read some more material, and not just fiction and not fictional books, but also journals, magazines and other materials that could help me learn.

✓ He motivated me to improve my grammar, read more material, and not just fiction but also non-fiction books, journals, magazines and other resources that could help me learn.

Awkward phrasing and incorrect word choice: 'improve on my grammar' is better as 'improve my grammar.' 'Not just fiction and not fictional books' is incorrect and redundant; use 'not just fiction but also non-fiction books.' 'Materials' is vague; 'resources' is clearer.