视图— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid rhetorical questions and repetition, and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Reduce length to under five sentences and use more precise vocabulary (e.g., "unique moment" instead of "it will never be repeated again").

範例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. I was involved in photojournalism as a child, so I like capturing unique moments from various angles. For example, I once photographed a market at sunrise, and the light and expressions made that scene feel one-of-a-kind.

建議: Open with a direct topic sentence, then give two concise, specific reasons connected by linking words (e.g., "because" and "for example"). Avoid vague phrases like "life is simply living." Use varied vocabulary such as "tranquil," "pace of life," or "daily routines."

範例: I prefer rural views because they feel more tranquil and show a slower pace of life. For example, you can observe farmers tending fields at dawn, which reveals simple daily routines and a strong connection to nature.

建議: Answer directly, then give one clear, specific reason and a brief example. Avoid vague moral statements and wordy phrases like "acknowledge everything that is presented." Use precise expressions such as "natural heritage" and mention a specific landscape or species to be concrete.

範例: I prefer views in my own country because of its rich natural heritage and biodiversity. For instance, our coastal wetlands host several rare bird species, and seeing them in their habitat reminds me why I value local landscapes.

× Growing up, I was a part of the photojournalism and yes, I do like taking pictures of different views.

✓ Growing up, I was part of photojournalism, and yes, I do like taking pictures of different views.

Use of articles: 'a part of the photojournalism' is unnatural. Remove 'a' and 'the' to say 'part of photojournalism' or use 'a part of the photojournalism club' if a specific organization is meant. Also add a comma before 'and' to join independent clauses. Suggestion: If referring to a club, write 'a part of the photojournalism club'; if referring to the field, write 'part of photojournalism'.

× Why? Because it shows a different perspective from every different view angle.

✓ Why? Because each angle shows a different perspective.

Sentence is wordy and redundant ('different perspective from every different view angle'). Simplify structure: 'each angle shows a different perspective' is clearer and grammatically correct. Avoid repeating 'different' and 'view/angle' together. Suggestion: Keep subject-verb order clear and minimize redundancy.

× And I also believe that once something happens, it will never be repeated again.

✓ I also believe that once something happens, it will never be repeated.

Redundancy: 'never' and 'again' together is repetitive. Tense is acceptable (present simple for belief and future inference), but remove 'again' for concision. If you mean 'rarely' or 'seldom', rephrase accordingly. Suggestion: Use 'will never be repeated' or 'is unlikely to be repeated' depending on intended strength.

× I prefer views in rural areas simply because it shows how life is very slow, how people manage their time for the day, and it shows as well that life is simply living compared to the busy streets of urban areas.

✓ I prefer views in rural areas simply because they show how life is slower, how people organize their day, and that life is more relaxed compared to the busy streets of urban areas.

Agreement and word choice issues: 'it shows' should be 'they show' to agree with plural 'views' (subject-verb agreement ties to grammar problem 27 but here corrected as adjective/adverb and agreement). 'Very slow' is awkward; use comparative 'slower' when comparing rural to urban. 'Manage their time for the day' is awkward; 'organize their day' is clearer. 'Life is simply living' is unclear; 'more relaxed' conveys intended meaning. Suggestion: Ensure subject and verb agree and choose comparative forms when comparing two contexts.

× There's always this bias of me wanting to see the views in our country because it represents that we are rich in nature.

✓ There's always a bias in me toward wanting to see the views in our country because they show that we are rich in natural beauty.

Use of 'represents that we are rich in nature' is awkward. 'There's' is acceptable, but 'bias of me' is incorrect; use 'a bias in me toward' or 'I have a bias toward'. 'It represents that' is incorrect usage; better to say 'they show that' or 'it shows that'. Also 'rich in nature' should be 'rich in natural beauty' or 'rich in natural resources' depending on meaning. Suggestion: Rephrase to 'There's a bias in me toward wanting to see the views in our country because they show that we are rich in natural beauty.'

× We also have this biodiversity that we are proud of and I believe that it is very important to love your own and acknowledge everything that is presented in front of you.

✓ We also have biodiversity that we are proud of, and I believe it is very important to love your own country and acknowledge everything presented to you.

Pronoun reference errors and phrasing: 'love your own' is vague—specify 'your own country'. 'Everything that is presented in front of you' is wordy and slightly awkward; 'everything presented to you' is clearer. Also remove the article 'this' before 'biodiversity' unless referring to something previously mentioned. Suggestion: Make pronoun references explicit and simplify passive phrasing for clarity.