旅行— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and reduce filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two brief, linked reasons using linking words (e.g., "Firstly", "Secondly"). Avoid hesitations like "UMM" and redundant phrasing. Also vary vocabulary (e.g., "prefer" instead of repeating "I'd rather").

範例: Yes, I usually look out the window when travelling. Firstly, I get motion sickness, so I find it easier to stare at the scenery than at my phone. Secondly, I enjoy observing the surroundings because it helps me relax and notice local life.

建議: Improve clarity and correct word choice ("groovy" is inappropriate; use "blurry"). Keep the answer within 3–4 sentences, use linking words ("so", "therefore") appropriately, and avoid repetition. Mention a brief example or habit to add specificity.

範例: I sometimes try to photograph scenery from a moving car, but the pictures often come out blurry. Therefore, I usually record a short video instead and share it on Instagram so my friends can see the view.

建議: Give a clear direct answer first (e.g., "I prefer the sea now") and avoid hesitations and repetitions. Use linking words to show change ("however", "now") and finish thoughts completely. Add a specific detail about what you like about the sea to strengthen the response.

範例: I used to prefer the mountains because I was afraid of open water; however, I now prefer the sea because the sound of waves and the fresh air help me relax. I don't need to swim — just walking along the shore is enough for me.

× Of course I do 'cause First off, I have motion sickness so I really cannot enjoy looking at my phone or reading UMM when traveling.

✓ Of course I do, because first of all, I have motion sickness, so I really cannot enjoy looking at my phone or reading when traveling.

Conjunction and discourse marker usage: 'cause' is informal contraction; use 'because' in formal speech. 'First off' should be 'first of all' for clarity and flow. Commas are needed to separate clauses. Remove filler 'UMM' and ensure parallel infinitives ('looking at my phone or reading') to maintain grammatical structure.

× So I'd rather look at the scenery when traveling by bus or by car.

✓ So I'd rather look at the scenery when traveling by bus or car.

Preposition repetition: 'by' before 'car' is unnecessary and sounds repetitive. Use 'by bus or car' for concise, natural phrasing.

× Second, I would say it's a way for me to enjoy the view outside, so.

✓ Second, I would say it's a way for me to enjoy the view outside.

Sentence fragment due to dangling conjunction: ending with 'so' creates an incomplete sentence. Remove 'so' or complete the clause to avoid a fragment and improve clarity.

× I tried to take photos of the scenery outside the car window, but since the car is moving, my photos tend to get groovy.

✓ I have tried to take photos of the scenery outside the car window, but since the car is moving, my photos tend to come out blurry.

Tense and word choice: 'tried' can remain past or present perfect; present perfect 'have tried' links past experience to present habit. 'Groovy' is incorrect word choice; likely meant 'blurry' or 'shaky.' Use 'come out' for describing photo results. Maintain consistent tense between clauses.

× So rather than taking a photo, I would rather take a video and then post it on my Instagram or on my social so that other people get to see the view that I got to see when I'm traveling when I was traveling.

✓ Rather than taking photos, I prefer to take videos and then post them on my Instagram or social media so that other people can see the view I saw while traveling.

Redundancy and tense consistency: 'So rather than' and 'I would rather' are repetitive; use one construction. Use plural 'photos' to match general habit. 'Prefer' is more natural than 'would rather' here. 'My social' is vague; use 'social media.' Avoid mixed tenses: change 'get to see' to 'can see' and 'that I got to see when I'm traveling when I was traveling' to 'I saw while traveling.' Remove redundancy and correct pronoun/verb agreement (videos -> them).

× Well before I preferred the mountains over the sea because I'm afraid of, umm, big open water.

✓ Well, I used to prefer the mountains over the sea because I was afraid of large open bodies of water.

Tense and word choice: 'before I preferred' is awkward; use 'I used to prefer' to indicate past preference. 'I'm afraid of' should be past 'I was afraid of' to match past preference. 'Big open water' is informal and imprecise; use 'large open bodies of water.' Include commas for clarity.

× But then I realized how calming the sea is the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.

✓ But then I realized how calming the sea is, with the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.

Sentence structure and punctuation: missing connector between clauses. Add 'with' and a comma to link 'how calming the sea is' and 'the sound of the waves...' for grammatical coherence and natural phrasing.

× So now I enjoy it.

✓ So now I enjoy it.

This sentence is acceptable; no correction needed. It follows from previous statement and uses correct tense and structure.

× I I don't necessarily have to to swim, I just have to enjoy the.

✓ I don't necessarily have to swim; I just have to enjoy it.

Repetition and incomplete sentence: remove duplicate 'I' and extra 'to'. The second clause is a fragment 'enjoy the.' Replace with 'enjoy it' and connect clauses with a semicolon or period for correct sentence structure.