旅行— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and directly answer the question with a clear topic sentence. Avoid repetition and grammatical errors (e.g., 'look at the window', 'watch the scenery'). Use one or two supporting reasons with linking words (e.g., 'because', 'so') and limit to 3–4 sentences. Focus on coherence: state whether you look out the window, then give a clear brief reason and a condition if needed.

範例: Yes, I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy watching the passing scenery. However, sometimes I close the window or avoid looking when I want to rest or when the weather is unpleasant.

建議: Start with a clear topic sentence answering 'yes' or 'no' and remove irrelevant fragments (like numbers). Correct vocabulary: 'scenery' not 'scenarios'. Provide a brief reason and frequency using linking words (e.g., 'because', 'but'). Keep it within 1–3 sentences.

範例: Yes, I sometimes take photos of the scenery outside the car window, but not often because reflections on the glass make the pictures unclear.

建議: Give a direct answer first, then give specific reasons using linking words (e.g., 'because', 'so', 'since'). Avoid hesitation sounds and fix grammar: 'prefer the sea to the mountains', 'mountains require physical effort', 'swimming helps my spine'. Keep to 2–4 clear sentences and provide one relevant personal detail as support.

範例: I prefer the sea to the mountains because hiking requires a lot of physical effort, which can be difficult for me. Since I have scoliosis, swimming at the seaside helps my back and is more comfortable than climbing hills.

× Yes, sometimes I look at on the window while traveling or in a bus or a car.

✓ Yes, sometimes I look out the window while travelling by bus or car.

The student used incorrect prepositions 'at on' and repeated vehicle phrases awkwardly. Use 'look out the window' or 'look out of the window' to indicate looking through the window. Use 'while travelling by bus or car' to concisely express means of transport. Avoid redundant 'in a bus or a car'.

× I don't know because I think I want to feel the air and if I'm taking a lot of things I often watching on the watching on the window, the bus or a car.

✓ I'm not sure, but I think I want to feel the air, and if I'm carrying a lot of things I often look out the window of the bus or car.

Multiple issues: 'I don't know' is better as 'I'm not sure' in context. 'Taking a lot of things' should be 'carrying a lot of things' (verb choice). 'I often watching' is wrong form and missing auxiliary; correct is 'I often look out'. 'the watching on the window' is nonsensical and redundant. Use 'the window of the bus or car' to clarify ownership. The correction fixes pronoun and verb usage and removes redundancy.

× But sometimes I close it.

✓ But sometimes I close it.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable as present simple describing habitual action. No change needed; keep present simple 'I close it' to express habitual behavior. (Included for completeness.)

× It depends if I want some.

✓ It depends on whether I want to or not.

Original 'It depends if I want some' is ungrammatical and vague. Use 'It depends on whether I want to or not' to express conditional choice. 'Depends on whether' is the correct structure; 'some' is unclear here and should be omitted.

× $12.00 and 200 tickets. Yes, I take photos of scenarios outside the car window, but not most of the time.

✓ Yes, I take photos of the scenery outside the car window, but not most of the time.

The initial '$12.00 and 200 tickets.' is irrelevant noise and should be removed. 'Scenarios' is incorrect; use 'scenery' for views. The rest of the sentence is acceptable. The correction removes irrelevant text and fixes word choice.

× I think I can say I prefer the sea rather the mountains, umm mountains, uh, need a lot of physical strength because you have to walk and go in a upper place and see.

✓ I think I prefer the sea rather than the mountains. Mountains require a lot of physical strength because you have to walk and climb to higher places to see the view.

Use 'rather than' to contrast preferences. 'Mountains need a lot of physical strength' is better as 'Mountains require a lot of physical strength.' 'Go in a upper place' is ungrammatical; use 'climb to higher places.' 'See' should be 'see the view' for clarity. The correction fixes comparative construction and verb choice.

× I want to see because, umm, it helps.

✓ I want to go because it helps.

Context suggests the student means 'I want to go (to the sea) because it helps' rather than 'I want to see.' 'See' is likely incorrect here. Removing filler 'umm' and clarifying the verb improves meaning.

× Since I have scoliosis, I have I prepared to swim and and I think it helps my body and my spinal too.

✓ Since I have scoliosis, I have prepared myself to swim, and I think it helps my body and my spine.

Multiple issues: duplicate 'I have I'; missing reflexive pronoun 'myself' for 'prepared myself to swim.' Double 'and and' should be one 'and.' 'My spinal' is incorrect noun; use 'my spine.' The correction fixes pronoun usage, removes duplication, and uses correct anatomical term.