旅行— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (e.g. “Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel.”), then give one or two specific reasons or examples. Avoid filler words and pronunciation mistakes (e.g. “skin” and “screen” were incorrect here). Use linking words like “because” or “since” to connect ideas and keep responses to no more than five sentences.

範例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus. I have done this since childhood because my school was far away and I used to watch the passing countryside every day. Nowadays I still enjoy noticing details like buildings and trees because it helps me relax during long journeys.

建議: Answer directly and complete your thoughts. Begin with a clear topic sentence (e.g. “Yes, I sometimes take photos.”) then give specific examples and finish the sentence. Reduce hesitation and repetition. Use linking words such as “for example” or “because” to make your reason clear.

範例: Yes, I sometimes take photos of the scenery outside the window, especially when I see mountains or wildlife. For example, last year I photographed a herd of deer grazing by the roadside because their presence made the trip memorable.

建議: Give a clear preference with one or two concrete reasons and avoid unclear words and hesitations. Start: “I prefer the mountains because…” Then add a specific detail or memory and a linking word such as “because” or “for example.” Keep it within five sentences and avoid vague phrases like “like a bass” which are unclear.

範例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy their quietness and the dramatic views. For example, when I hiked in the highlands last year, the vast slopes and fresh air felt mesmerizing and helped me relax.

× Uh, yeah, I love that skin.

✓ Uh, yeah, I love that scene.

The student used 'skin' instead of 'scene', which is a wrong word choice. This is a vocabulary error rather than a grammatical rule from the provided list, but it affects sentence meaning. Replace with 'scene' to match context (view outside the window). Also the sentence fragment 'Uh, yeah,' is acceptable in speech but keep 'I love that scene' as the clear clause.

× Uh, I just love it when I was seen from the window.

✓ Uh, I just love it when I see things from the window.

The student used past tense 'was seen' incorrectly. The intended meaning is a habitual present action, so use present simple 'I see'. Passive 'was seen' is incorrect here because 'I' is the subject performing the seeing. Suggestion: use 'when I see things from the window' to express a habitual preference.

× Uh, that is my habit from since my childhood because my school is too far and I travel by bus daily, my daily school and uh, that's my hobby that I seen the screen all over at my around me.

✓ That's been my habit since childhood because my school was far and I traveled by bus every day; I used to enjoy seeing the scenery all around me.

Multiple errors: 'from since' is redundant; use 'since'. Tense consistency: describe past routine with past simple or 'used to' ('my school was far' and 'I traveled by bus every day'). 'Seen' is past participle misused; change to 'seeing' or 'enjoyed seeing'. 'the screen' is wrong word choice for 'scenery'. Also 'at my around me' is ungrammatical; use 'all around me'. Suggestions: break into two clauses, maintain consistent past tense for childhood habits and use correct nouns and gerunds.

× Yes, sometimes I take photos when it's like very, uh, very nice country outside like uh, mountains or uh, any animals.

✓ Yes, sometimes I take photos when the countryside outside is very beautiful, like mountains or animals.

Errors include missing article or wrong noun form: 'very nice country' should be 'the countryside' or 'a beautiful view'. Word order and clause structure improved by making 'the countryside outside is very beautiful'. 'Any animals' is awkward; use 'animals' or 'wildlife'. Maintain present-simple for habitual action.

× I, I love animals from, I love to see the animals uh, from the window and I take photo of them and also sometimes I, I park my.

✓ I love to see animals from the window and I take photos of them; sometimes I also stop the car to take pictures.

'Take photo' needs plural 'take photos' or 'take a photo'. 'Park my' is incomplete; likely 'park my car' but in context better 'stop the car' to take pictures. Reorder for clarity and use present simple for habitual actions. Avoid repeating fillers 'I, I'.

× Well, I never go too near to see, uh, I prefer mountains first because I love the huge mountains, like big mountains, like a bass.

✓ Well, I don't usually go very close to the water; I prefer the mountains because I love big, towering peaks.

Original sentence is incoherent: 'never go too near to see' and 'like a bass' (probably 'like beaches' or 'sea' intended). 'I never go too near to see' mixes negatives and infinitive awkwardly; use 'I don't usually go very close to the sea' if contrasting sea vs mountains. 'Huge mountains' is fine, but 'like a bass' is incorrect word choice. Provide clear contrast and correct noun choices.

× Whenever I traveled in mountains, I, I was and it was mesmerizing me and I, I love that so much.

✓ Whenever I traveled in the mountains, I was mesmerized; it fascinated me and I loved it so much.

Problems: 'traveled in mountains' needs 'in the mountains' and consistent past tense for past experiences. 'I was and it was mesmerizing me' is ungrammatical; use passive 'I was mesmerized' or active 'it mesmerized me'. 'I love that so much' should match past context as 'I loved it so much', or keep present if referring to an ongoing feeling. Suggest using 'I was mesmerized' or 'it mesmerized me' and maintain tense consistency.