建筑— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Reduce hesitation and redundant phrases; start with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid overlong clauses and filler words like 'umm' and 'uh'.

範例: Yes. There are several tall buildings near my home. For example, the town has a cluster of office blocks and a few multi-story high schools, and it also has the largest shopping mall in Japan, which dominates the skyline.

建議: Be concise and correct word choice: replace vague or incorrect phrases (e.g., 'appearing') with precise vocabulary, and use linking words to contrast preferences. Keep to two or three sentences maximum.

範例: No, I don't usually photograph buildings. Instead, I prefer landscape photography when I travel — for example, mountain panoramas and coastal sunsets — because I find natural scenes more beautiful and expressive.

建議: Clarify what you mean (e.g., Lamborghini showroom) and avoid repetition. Use linking words to structure the answer and reduce grammatical errors like 'man made' (use 'man-made') and awkward phrasing such as 'see the rides'. Give one clear reason and one specific detail.

範例: I don't have a particular building in mind, but I would like to visit the Lamborghini showroom in Tokyo. It is a well-known, man-made landmark, and I would go in the evening because it is beautifully lit at night, creating a dramatic display of cars and lights.

建議: Correct unclear or incorrect phrases (e.g., 'NATO reading', 'natural rate') and avoid repetition. Begin with a direct topic sentence, then give two clear, specific reasons with linking words. Use accurate vocabulary like 'natural light', 'privacy', 'panoramic view'.

範例: Yes, I would. Living in a high-rise appeals to me because it offers panoramic views and more privacy. Moreover, higher floors usually receive better natural light and less street noise, which would make daily life more comfortable.

× Although my hometown is not a large city, it has several office buildings, some high school buildings, and also, uh, the largest shopping mall in Japan.

✓ Although my hometown is not a large city, it has several office buildings, some high schools, and also the largest shopping mall in Japan.

The phrase 'high school buildings' is awkward when referring to schools; 'high schools' is the correct plural noun. Also 'the largest shopping mall' should not have a comma before 'uh' and 'also'—removed for clarity. Use the plural noun form for institutions rather than '... buildings' unless emphasizing structures.

× Instead, I prefer taking pictures of landscapes when I travel, such as mountain views and coastal sunsets because I find natural scenery much more appearing.

✓ Instead, I prefer taking pictures of landscapes when I travel, such as mountain views and coastal sunsets, because I find natural scenery much more appealing.

The adjective 'appearing' is incorrect here. The correct adjective is 'appealing'. 'Appearing' is a present participle and does not convey the intended meaning. Also add a comma before 'because' to separate clauses.

× I don't have any specific building in my mind, but I'd like to visit the Lamborghini in Tokyo because it's a famous man made landmark and it's beautifully illuminated at night, so I'd like to go there in the evening to see the rides and enjoy the night view.

✓ I don't have any specific building in mind, but I'd like to visit the Lamborghini showroom in Tokyo because it's a famous man-made landmark and it's beautifully illuminated at night, so I'd like to go there in the evening to see the displays and enjoy the night view.

Remove the article 'my' before 'mind'—the idiom is 'in mind'. 'The Lamborghini' is vague; specifying 'Lamborghini showroom' or 'Lamborghini museum' is clearer. 'Man made' should be hyphenated as 'man-made'. 'Rides' is likely incorrect for a showroom; 'displays' fits better. These are article and word choice corrections to make the sentence natural.

× Yes, I'd like to live in NATO reading because I enjoy the panoramic views from the window.

✓ Yes, I'd like to live in a high-rise building because I enjoy the panoramic views from the windows.

'NATO reading' appears to be incorrect or a misrecognition; replace with 'a high-rise building' to match context. Also 'window' should be plural 'windows' when referring to panoramic views; pronoun/reference clarity improved by using 'a high-rise building'.

× Additionally, being high up would give me more privacy and better natural rate which makes my life better and comfortable.

✓ Additionally, being high up would give me more privacy and better natural light, which would make my life better and more comfortable.

'Natural rate' is incorrect—likely meant 'natural light'. Use 'which would make' for conditional effect and 'more comfortable' (adverb placement and comparative form). 'Better and comfortable' is ungrammatical; use 'better and more comfortable' or 'better and comfortable' with structure changes. This corrects adjective/adverb usage and clarity.