建筑— Part 1 評分報告

建議: 話の構成を明確にし、文法と語順の誤りを直し、簡潔に述べる練習をしてください。例えば、最初に直接な主張（トピック文）を言い、その後で理由を2つ程度の簡潔な文で説明します。また、「because」や「so」などの接続詞を適切に使い、単数・複数や時制、一致に注意してください。具体的には“overpopulated”の使い方や“people seeking more wide space”の自然な言い換え（seeking more space / limited land）を練習しましょう。

範例: Yes, there are many tall buildings near my home. The area is densely populated, so there is limited land available, which has led developers to build upward. As a result, most residential buildings here are high-rise apartments.

建議: 言いたいことは伝わりますが、語句の重複や語順の改善、自然な表現（e.g. "oddly-shaped" / "share them with my friends"）に注意してください。まず短い主張を述べ、次に好みの理由と具体例を1文で加え、最後に行動（写真を撮って共有する）を結論としてつなげると流れが良くなります。接続詞（for example, so, and then）を使って文を論理的につなぎましょう。

範例: Yes, I often take photos of buildings. I especially like oddly-shaped or particularly beautiful ones, because their design catches my eye. When I find an interesting building, I quickly take a photo and share it with my friends.

建議: 具体的な理由と正確な語彙を入れて、文を簡潔にしてください。“created our history”や“changed that signature”は不自然なので避け、代わりに"iconic"や"historically significant"などを使いましょう。まず訪れたい建物を挙げ、その後で理由（歴史的意義、景観、建築様式など）を1〜2文で示すと良いです。

範例: I'd like to visit iconic historical landmarks such as the Eiffel Tower or the Empire State Building. They are historically significant and famous worldwide, and I would love to see their architecture and the views they offer in person.

建議: 感情は伝わりますが、表現をより自然で具体的にしましょう。"business landscape"は不自然なので"city skyline"とし、“becoming a bird”の比喩も簡潔に説明すると良いです。賛否の理由を一つか二つ挙げ、結論で締める構成が好ましいです。

範例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building. From a high floor you can enjoy a great view of the city skyline, which feels freeing and peaceful. It would be exciting to wake up to such a panorama every day.

× In my neighborhood there are many tall buildings because in my neighborhood has overpopulated the city and very crowded so that people seeking more wide space was limited in area so the building become more tall.

✓ In my neighborhood there are many tall buildings because the city is overpopulated and very crowded, so people seeking more space are limited by the area and buildings have become taller.

The original sentence has multiple structure and agreement issues: missing subject for 'has overpopulated', incorrect word order, incorrect comparative forms, and mixed tenses. Use 'the city is overpopulated' (present state) and 'are limited' to match plural 'people'. 'More wide space' is unidiomatic; use 'more space'. 'The building become more tall' should be 'buildings have become taller' to show change and correct comparative form. Break the long run-on sentence into clear clauses and ensure subject-verb agreement.

× Yes, I often take photos of buildings.

✓ Yes, I often take photos of buildings.

This sentence is already correct. No change needed. It uses the simple present appropriately to describe a habitual action.

× I often I prefer to discover a weird shaped building or beautiful building and if I found it, I suddenly take photo of it and share my friends.

✓ I often prefer to find unusually shaped or beautiful buildings, and if I find one, I immediately take a photo of it and share it with my friends.

Errors include redundant 'I often I prefer', incorrect adjective placement 'weird shaped' should be 'unusually shaped', wrong tense 'if I found' should be present tense 'if I find' for habitual actions, and missing preposition 'share my friends' should be 'share it with my friends'. 'Suddenly' is unnatural here; 'immediately' fits better. Ensure consistent tense and correct prepositions.

× I'd like to visit famous historical building like Eiffel Tower or Empire State Building which created our history and which is very famous in world history that changed that signature.

✓ I'd like to visit famous historical buildings like the Eiffel Tower or the Empire State Building, which are important in world history and very famous landmarks.

Use plural 'buildings' to match 'like ... or ...' or keep singular with article; include definite article 'the' before famous, well-known building names. 'Which created our history' is awkward; use 'which are important in world history'. 'That changed that signature' is unclear and incorrect; replace with 'very famous landmarks'. Also ensure relative clause agrees with plural 'buildings' so use 'are'.

× Yes, of course. I can see business landscape from tall buildings and I can feel something like becoming a bird myself. That would be very fantastic and very cool.

✓ Yes, of course. I can see the business landscape from tall buildings, and I can feel like I am becoming a bird. That would be fantastic and very cool.

Add the definite article 'the' before 'business landscape'. 'I can feel something like becoming a bird myself' is awkward; use 'I can feel like I am becoming a bird' for clarity and correct present continuous idea. 'Very fantastic' is redundant; 'fantastic and very cool' is sufficient. Maintain consistent verb forms and natural expressions.