建筑— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and reduce hesitations. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Use more natural vocabulary (e.g. 'tall buildings' or 'high-rises' instead of 'colossal').

範例: Yes, there are many tall buildings near my home. I live in an urban area of Tokyo, so I can see several high-rises and office towers from my apartment, especially around the main business district.

建議: Answer directly and simply, then give a brief reason with a linking word. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Use correct grammar and natural expressions.

範例: No, I don't usually take photos of buildings because I'm more interested in photographing people and nature. However, if a building has a striking design, I might take a quick picture for inspiration.

建議: Start with a clear statement naming the building and then give two specific reasons using linking words. Reduce fillers and correct tense/word choice for clarity.

範例: Yes, I'd like to visit the new UH-1 building in Shinjuku. It was completed about two years ago and is famous for its unique, futuristic design, so I'm curious to see the architecture and the observation deck in person.

建議: Give a clear direct answer first and then explain with specific reasons using linking words. Avoid confusing pronouns and unclear phrases. Use natural vocabulary to express fears or practical concerns.

範例: No, I wouldn't want to live in a tall building. Firstly, I'm uncomfortable with heights and elevators, and secondly, apartments in high-rises tend to be more expensive, so it wouldn't suit my budget.

× I'm actually living in a relatively urbanized area in Tokyo, so I can find, uh, lots of, umm, large buildings around here in my business city.

✓ I actually live in a relatively urbanized area of Tokyo, so I can find lots of large buildings around here in my business district.

Use simple present 'live' for a habitual state instead of continuous present 'am living' when describing where you reside generally. 'Area of Tokyo' is the correct prepositional phrase; 'in my business city' is awkward — 'business district' is the appropriate term. Remove filler words and redundant phrases to improve clarity.

× Actually I don't take pictures of buildings to be honest are I generally don't take pictures of them essentially.

✓ Actually, I don't usually take pictures of buildings to be honest.

The original sentence contains redundant and incorrect phrases. Use 'don't usually' to express frequency. Remove extra words like 'are' and 'essentially' which are misplaced. Keep preposition 'of' with 'pictures of buildings'.

× So accordingly I don't texture pick don't take pictures of them.

✓ So, accordingly, I don't take pictures of them.

The phrase 'texture pick' is incorrect and likely a speech error. Simplify the structure to 'I don't take pictures of them.' Use commas for clarity. Ensure only relevant words remain.

× Yes, I have our I I'd like to visit UH-1, umm, building in, in the, in Shinjuku, uh, one that is famous for now, umm, that is, that is famous for its unique structure and newly built like 2 years ago.

✓ Yes, there is a building in Shinjuku that I'd like to visit, one that is famous for its unique structure and was newly built about two years ago.

Original has disfluencies and wrong word order. Use 'there is' to introduce existence, then 'that I'd like to visit' for purpose. Use past passive 'was newly built' to indicate when it was completed. Replace 'like 2 years ago' with 'about two years ago' for formal spoken English.

× So I'd like to visit there someday.

✓ So I'd like to visit it someday.

Use direct object pronoun 'it' rather than 'there' because you refer to a specific building. 'Visit there' is informal and less accurate.

× Hey I I do not want you living in the tall buildings because I am afraid of going to the hotel.

✓ I do not want to live in tall buildings because I am afraid of heights.

The original contains 'you living' which changes meaning; student likely meant 'I do not want to live'. 'Afraid of going to the hotel' is incorrect for fear of heights — use 'afraid of heights'. Remove extra 'Hey I I' filler. Maintain first person subject consistency.

× Higher prices, so actually I don't want to.

✓ They are more expensive, so I don't want to.

'Higher prices' alone is a fragment; combine into a full sentence. Use comparative 'more expensive' to describe tall buildings relative cost. Keep concise to match spoken response.