建筑— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Reduce hesitations and correct small grammar issues (e.g. "an apartment", "in my surroundings", "it's common in Qatar for people to live in apartments"). Use one linking phrase to connect ideas (e.g. "because").

範例: Yes. I live in a tall apartment building. In Qatar, many people prefer apartments rather than ground houses, so tall buildings are common in my neighborhood.

建議: Good content and clear reasons. Improve fluency by avoiding repetition and small errors (e.g. "buildings" plural, "best shots"). Combine sentences with a linking word (e.g. "because" or "so") and keep it to 2–3 sentences maximum.

範例: Yes, I often photograph buildings because I'm fascinated by architecture and the atmosphere each one creates. I focus on design details and construction techniques, and then I share my best shots on Snapchat.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence and one specific detail or reason. Remove repetitions and hesitations, and correct grammar (e.g. "the Crescent building in Doha", "shaped like a new moon", "I've only seen it from outside"). Use a linking word to explain why you want to visit (e.g. "because").

範例: Yes. I would like to visit the Crescent building in Doha because it is uniquely shaped like a new moon. I have only seen it from the outside, so I want to go inside to see its interior design and view from the top.

建議: Be concise and correct verb tenses (use present: "I want"). State one clear reason and a specific detail. Remove unclear phrases (e.g. "another wise", "standing in a hide") and hesitations. Use a linking word such as "so" or "because" to connect reason and result.

範例: Yes, I want to live in a 10- to 15-storey building because I enjoy the views. From that height I could see city lights, streets and traffic, which creates a pleasant atmosphere in the evening.

× Yes, the place where I am living currently, the in my surrounding there are tall buildings because I'm living in a apartment.

✓ Yes, where I am currently living, there are tall buildings around me because I live in an apartment.

Sentence had awkward word order, extra words and article error. 'the in my surrounding' is incorrect structure; reorder to 'around me'. Use simple present 'I live' for habitual state and 'an apartment' (article before vowel sound). Suggestion: use clear subject-verb-object order and correct article use.

× So in Qatar there are uh, apartment tradition people not uh, live in ground places, they prefer apartments.

✓ In Qatar there is a tradition of living in apartments; people do not live in ground houses and they prefer apartments.

Multiple issues: article and noun form ('apartment tradition' incorrect; should be 'a tradition of living in apartments'), subject-verb agreement simplified with 'there is'. 'Ground places' is unnatural—use 'ground houses' or 'houses on the ground'. Use full clauses and punctuation. Suggestion: express general facts with simple present and correct noun phrases.

× So currently I'm living in a tall building as well.

✓ So currently I live in a tall building as well.

Use simple present 'I live' for a current permanent or long-term situation rather than present continuous 'I am living', which implies a temporary action. Suggestion: use simple present for habitual or current residence.

× Yes, I often take pictures of the building because I'm fascinated by architecture and the different atmosphere each building creates.

✓ Yes, I often take pictures of buildings because I'm fascinated by architecture and the different atmosphere each building creates.

'The building' implies a specific building, but the student means buildings in general; use plural 'buildings'. Also use simple present 'I am fascinated' is acceptable but 'I'm fascinated' is fine; keep consistency. Suggestion: use plural for general statements.

× I like to capture their design details and the way they were constructed.

✓ I like to capture their design details and the ways they were constructed.

Minor agreement: 'the way they were constructed' is acceptable but 'the ways they were constructed' better matches plural 'their' referring to many buildings. Suggestion: keep number agreement between pronouns and referents.

× And then I share the best shoots shots on my Snapchat story.

✓ And then I share the best shots on my Snapchat story.

Redundant word 'shoots shots' is incorrect; correct noun is 'shots' or 'photos'. Suggestion: use 'shots' or 'photos' and avoid repetition.

× The building I wanted to visit is a Crescent building which is located in Qatar capital city, Doha, which is designed with the shape of a new moon.

✓ The building I want to visit is a crescent-shaped building located in Qatar's capital city, Doha; it is designed in the shape of a new moon.

Mixes past 'wanted' with present context; use present 'want' for current desire. Use possessive 'Qatar's capital city' and adjective form 'crescent-shaped'. 'Which is designed with the shape of a new moon' is awkward—use 'designed in the shape of a new moon.' Suggestion: keep tense consistent and use correct adjectival forms.

× And I look that, uh, that building, uh, outside.

✓ I have only seen that building from the outside.

Original is ungrammatical and unclear. Use clear verb 'have seen' to indicate experience up to now and 'from the outside' to express that only exterior was seen. Suggestion: use standard expressions for seeing a building.

× So I also wanted to visit that inside also.

✓ So I also want to visit the inside of it.

Tense should be present 'want' to match current desire; word order awkward—use 'visit the inside' or 'go inside it'. Avoid repeating 'also'. Suggestion: use concise structure and correct tense.

× Yes, I wanted to live in a tall building of like 10 to 15 floor building because I wanted to see the full view of the building which gave me another wise while I am standing in a hide and see the uh lights of uh buildings, streets and the cars which give me a different view.

✓ Yes, I want to live in a tall building of about 10 to 15 floors because I want to see the full view from there; when I stand high I can see the lights of buildings, streets and cars, which gives me a different perspective.

Original mixes past and present tenses and has many awkward phrases. Use present 'want' for current preference. '10 to 15 floor building' should be '10 to 15 floors' or '10- to 15-storey building'. 'Gave me another wise' is incorrect—use 'a different perspective'. 'Standing in a hide' is wrong—use 'standing high'. Ensure subject-verb agreement: 'which gives me'. Suggestion: simplify sentences, use correct nouns ('floors', 'perspective'), and maintain consistent tense.