走路— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Make the answer more concise and correct minor grammar issues. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., “health” and “body” repeated) and filler words.

範例: Yes, I walk a lot; it’s one of my favorite hobbies. For example, I walk after work and aim for 6,000 steps a day because I read that regular walking reduces stress and improves cardiovascular health.

建議: Use consistent verb tenses and tighten the response. Begin with a direct topic sentence about childhood, then explain briefly when and why your habits changed. Add a linking word to show contrast (e.g., 'however' or 'but').

範例: No, not as a child. However, I started walking seriously in my twenties because my office job was very sedentary, so I began walking to stay active and improve my health.

建議: Organize your ideas and remove hesitations/questions. Start with a clear reason, use linking words to add a second reason, and give a concise personal remark. Correct subject-verb agreement and avoid rhetorical fragments.

範例: People enjoy walking in parks because the atmosphere is relaxing and the presence of others is motivating. For example, seeing other people exercise encourages me to walk regularly, and fortunately there is a park near my office so it’s convenient for short walks.

建議: Use more formal phrasing and avoid contractions like 'wanna.' Give one or two specific reasons and use linking words. Replace vague phrases ('nature friendly', 'massive') with clearer descriptions.

範例: I would like to walk in Central Park in New York because it looks spacious and peaceful in films and videos. In particular, its large green areas and varied paths would make a long walk feel relaxing rather than cramped.

建議: Make the sequence of events clear and correct grammar. Provide one tidy topic sentence, then specific details (distance, routine), using linking words. Remove fragments and repeated words.

範例: Lately I have been walking in a park near my office. It’s a five-minute walk away, which I use as a warm-up, and then I usually walk five laps (about five kilometres) there; it’s also a popular spot for other people exercising.

× Yes, I walk a lot, in fact it's one of my favorite hobbies or pastimes.

✓ Yes, I walk a lot; in fact, it's one of my favorite hobbies or pastimes.

Punctuation and article-like usage: The original sentence lacked necessary punctuation (a semicolon or full stop) and comma after 'in fact' to join two independent clauses correctly. Use a semicolon or separate into two sentences and add a comma after introductory phrase 'in fact' to improve clarity and grammatical correctness.

× My goal is to have 6000 steps per day because I read an article that it's healthy for people to walk because it's it relieves your stress and also good for your. Health and also your body.

✓ My goal is to have 6000 steps per day because I read an article that said walking is healthy for people; it relieves stress and is also good for your health and body.

Multiple issues: incorrect clause construction and redundant pronouns. 'I read an article that it's healthy' is ungrammatical; use 'that said' or 'which said' or restructure to 'walking is healthy'. Remove redundant 'it's it' and correct 'your. Health' to 'your health'. Use a semicolon to join related independent ideas and keep pronouns consistent.

× No, I didn't often go outside to walk when I was a child.

✓ No, I didn't often go outside to walk when I was a child.

This sentence is grammatically correct for past tense negative; no change needed. It uses past simple with 'didn't', which is appropriate. Keep as is.

× I only seriously considered it as a hobby when I'm in my 20s because of my sedentary lifestyle.

✓ I only seriously considered it as a hobby when I was in my 20s because of my sedentary lifestyle.

Tense mismatch: 'considered' is past tense, so the time clause must also be past ('was in my 20s'), not present 'I'm'. Change to 'was' to maintain consistent past timeframe.

× Due to the nature of my work, I realized that it's better to counteract that with walking and moving my body.

✓ Due to the nature of my work, I realized that it was better to counteract that with walking and moving my body.

Tense consistency: 'realized' is past tense, so the following clause should use past ('it was better') rather than present 'it's better'. Using past keeps narrative consistent.

× I think people like to walk in parks because it has a relaxing atmosphere in it and also the camaraderie it exudes because I think people feels motivated to exercise when they see other people doing the same thing.

✓ I think people like to walk in parks because they have a relaxing atmosphere and also a sense of camaraderie; people feel motivated to exercise when they see others doing the same thing.

Pronoun and agreement issues: 'it has' and 'it exudes' incorrectly refer to 'parks' (plural), so use 'they'. 'People feels' is subject-verb disagreement; use 'people feel'. 'Other people' can be simplified to 'others'. Also improve flow by removing redundant clauses and using a semicolon.

× And if it's only for 30 minutes? And also huge advantage is that we have a park nearby our office so it's easy for me to go there and accomplish walk.

✓ Even if it's only for 30 minutes, a huge advantage is that we have a park near our office, so it's easy for me to go there and get my walk in.

Fragment and awkward phrasing: The first part was a question fragment; rewrite as a conditional clause 'Even if it's only for 30 minutes'. 'Huge advantage is that' needs an article 'a huge advantage' and 'nearby our office' should be 'near our office'. 'Accomplish walk' is unnatural; use 'get my walk in' or 'complete a walk'.

× I wanna walk in Central Park in New York because based on the movies or the videos I saw of that park, it's very relaxing and nature friendly and it's also very massive so I won't feel as stuck when I try to walk there.

✓ I want to walk in Central Park in New York because, based on the movies and videos I have seen of that park, it seems very relaxing and close to nature, and it's also very large so I won't feel as confined when I walk there.

Colloquial 'wanna' should be 'want to' in formal speech. Use present perfect 'have seen' to link past viewing to present desire. 'Nature friendly' is awkward; use 'close to nature' or 'natural'. 'Massive' is better replaced by 'large' or 'spacious'. 'Feel as stuck' -> 'feel as confined' or 'feel confined' for natural phrasing.

× There's this park near my office that I usually go to.

✓ There is a park near my office that I usually go to.

Minor register: 'There's this' is colloquial; change to 'There is a park' for neutral/formal speech. The sentence is otherwise fine.

× It's a 5 minute walk from the office, so I'll use that 5 minute as a warm up and then I would walk for five laps or five kilometers per day as much as I can and it's amazing that that. Is also a gathering place for all the people who wants to exercise more, not just walking.

✓ It's a five-minute walk from the office, so I use that five minutes as a warm-up and then I try to walk five laps or up to five kilometers per day. It's also amazing that it is a gathering place for all the people who want to exercise more, not just walk.

Multiple issues: Use hyphenated compound adjective 'five-minute' and spelled-out numbers in speech 'five minutes'. Tense consistency: present habitual 'I use' and 'I try' rather than mixing 'I'll' and 'would'. 'That. Is' was a fragmentation and typo. 'People who wants' is subject-verb disagreement; use 'who want'. Also 'not just walking' better as 'not just walk' or 'not just for walking'.