走路— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more natural and concise: give a clear topic sentence, correct grammar, and avoid repetition. Use one or two supporting details with linking words. For example, say why you don’t walk much and mention exceptions briefly.

範例: No, I don't walk much because I work in an office and spend most of the day at my computer. However, when I visit job sites I walk a lot to inspect work, which is the only time I get significant exercise.

建議: Improve grammar and fluency: use past tense consistently, add linking words, and be specific about locations and changes. Limit to 3–4 sentences and avoid listing without connectors.

範例: Yes, I used to walk a lot when I was a child because I lived in the countryside and everything was within walking distance. However, I don't walk as much now because I live in Bangkok, where places are farther apart and traffic makes walking less convenient.

建議: Clarify meaning and use accurate vocabulary. Explain reasons with clear linking words and give a specific example. Avoid unclear phrases like “have a fish at least pollution” and use correct collocations (fresh air, less pollution, relax).

範例: People like walking in parks because the air is fresher and there is less noise and pollution than in the city. For example, last week my friends and I walked in a nearby park to relax and get some fresh air after a stressful week.

建議: Be concise and use accurate expressions and linking words. State your preference clearly, give specific vivid details from the review, and add a brief reason why it appeals to you.

範例: I would like to take a long walk in the mountains of Japan because I read that the trails have green hills, clear skies and beautiful lakes. Walking there would let me enjoy peaceful scenery and get away from city life.

建議: Improve sentence structure and remove repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give specific details (who, where, how long) using linking words like so or because.

範例: Last week I went for a walk in a park near my apartment with some friends to relieve stress. It’s only a 15-minute walk from my home, and we spent about two hours wandering around and chatting.

× Most of me I write a report on the computer.

✓ Most of the time I write reports on the computer.

The student used 'Most of me' which is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'Most of the time'. Also the plural countable noun 'reports' fits habitual action. Use present simple for habitual actions: 'I write reports on the computer.'

× However, when I go work on site, I will work a lot, walk a lot.

✓ However, when I go to work on site, I walk a lot.

The sentence has incorrect verb pattern and unnecessary future tense. For habitual actions when at a site use present simple: 'when I go to work on site, I walk a lot.' Include the preposition 'to' after 'go' in this context.

× Yes, when I was a child I love to walk to go somewhere.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I loved to walk to go somewhere.

The time reference 'when I was a child' requires past tense. Change 'love' to past form 'loved' to agree with the past time frame.

× This is because I lived in the countryside, it easy to walk through the shop and the restaurant, also malls.

✓ This is because I lived in the countryside; it was easy to walk to the shops, restaurants, and malls.

Run-on sentence and missing verb tense. Use past tense 'was' to match 'lived'. Use plural 'shops' and 'restaurants', and 'to walk to' is the correct preposition. Replace comma splice with a semicolon or separate sentences.

× But nowadays I cannot do this because I currently live in Bangkok.

✓ But nowadays I cannot do this because I live in Bangkok.

'Nowadays' and 'currently' are redundant; use one. Present simple 'I live' is correct for current residence; 'cannot' + base verb is fine. Removing 'currently' makes the sentence more natural.

× I think in the park have a fish at least pollution, so most of people love to go there because of this.

✓ I think parks have less pollution and some fish, so many people like to go there because of that.

Incorrect 'in the park have' structure—use 'parks have' or 'there is/are'. 'At least pollution' is incorrect; likely meant 'less pollution'. 'Most of people' should be 'many people' or 'most people'. Use 'like' instead of 'love' for general preference.

× So last week I and my friends visited a park because we would like to release our strength.

✓ So last week my friends and I visited a park because we wanted to release our energy.

Pronoun order: 'my friends and I' is more natural than 'I and my friends'. 'Would like to' is inappropriate for a past event; use past tense 'wanted to'. 'Release our strength' is unnatural; 'release our energy' or 'relieve stress' fits better.

× The park is very helpful.

✓ The park is very pleasant/helpful for relaxing.

'Helpful' is odd when describing a park; choose 'pleasant' or 'good for relaxing'. Provide a clearer adjective to match intended meaning.

× I prefer to walk at the mountain in Japan because I have read a review about the mountain In Japan, there are many green hills with a clear sky and beautiful lake.

✓ I prefer to walk in the mountains in Japan because I read a review saying there are many green hills, clear skies, and beautiful lakes.

Use 'in the mountains' rather than 'at the mountain'. Capitalization: 'In' should be 'in' mid-sentence. Use plural 'mountains', 'skies', 'lakes' to match 'many'. Past simple 'read' (pronounced 'red') suits the context of having read a review.

× So I would like to walk along the mountain.

✓ So I would like to walk along the mountains.

'Walk along the mountain' is awkward; 'walk along the mountains' or 'walk along mountain paths' is more natural. Use plural to match general description.

× Last week I visited the park with my friends to relieve my stress so we decided to walk at the park.

✓ Last week I visited the park with my friends to relieve my stress, so we decided to walk in the park.

Tense sequence is fine (past). Change preposition 'at' to 'in' for walking inside a park. Add a comma to separate clauses.

× It's just 15 minute walk by my apartment so and we spent time around the park around 2 hours.

✓ It's just a 15-minute walk from my apartment, so we spent about two hours around the park.

Use 'a 15-minute walk' with hyphen and article 'a'. Preposition 'from my apartment' is correct, not 'by'. Remove extra 'and' and use 'about two hours' instead of 'around 2 hours' for formality and clarity.