花— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Cải thiện: Giảm lặp từ, sửa ngữ pháp và phát âm, dùng cấu trúc câu rõ ràng với một câu chủ đề và 1–2 chi tiết hỗ trợ. Cụ thể: (1) Tránh tiếng ngập ngừng như “uh” và lặp từ (“I love, I love”). (2) Sử dụng động từ và tính từ đúng (ví dụ: “bring fragrance”, “brighten my day”). (3) Giữ tối đa 3–4 câu, liên kết ý bằng từ nối như “for example” hoặc “because”.

範例: Yes, I love flowers. They are very colorful and often fragrant, which brightens my day when I see them in my garden or at home. For example, I always smile when I pass a row of sunflowers on my way to work.

建議: Cải thiện: Tránh lỗi đại từ và từ vựng không chính xác, cung cấp chi tiết cụ thể và dùng từ nối. Cụ thể: (1) Sửa đại từ (“her” → none) và danh từ (“sense” → “scent” hoặc “smell”). (2) Nêu ví dụ cụ thể về người thân hoặc bạn bè và dịp tặng hoa đúng (không phải “Wednesdays”). (3) Dùng 2–3 câu ngắn, rõ ràng.

範例: Yes, several people I know love flowers, especially my mother and some friends, because flowers look beautiful and often smell lovely. They usually give or receive flowers on special occasions such as birthdays or anniversaries.

建議: Cải thiện: Sửa ngữ pháp và từ vựng chính xác, tránh lặp và cung cấp thông tin cụ thể. Cụ thể: (1) Dùng thì đúng (past vs now). (2) Sửa từ như “replated” → “replaced” và viết rõ ý (parks replaced by buildings). (3) Kết nối câu bằng “because” hoặc “for example” một lần và giới hạn 2–3 câu.

範例: There used to be more flowers where I live, but now there are fewer because of urban development. For example, several parks and small gardens have been replaced by tall buildings and restaurants.

建議: Cải thiện: Giảm lặp từ, sửa ngữ pháp và trật tự từ, dùng liên từ để nối ý, và làm cụ thể lý do. Cụ thể: (1) Loại bỏ lặp (“I I”, “travel travel”). (2) Sửa cụm từ như “to keep memories” hoặc “to share with friends”. (3) Giữ 2–3 câu ngắn, dùng “but”/“however” để đối chiếu.

範例: I don't usually take photos of flowers in daily life, but I occasionally take pictures when I visit gardens or travel to new places. I like to capture them to keep memories and share the best shots with my friends.

建議: Cải thiện: Loại bỏ tiếng ngập ngừng, sửa cấu trúc câu và từ vựng (ví dụ: “weddings”, “to show affection”, “at funerals to express sympathy”). Cụ thể: (1) Nói rõ các dịp và mục đích gửi hoa. (2) Tránh lặp từ và phát âm sai. (3) Dùng 2–3 câu, kết nối bằng “for” và “and”.

範例: Yes, people in my country often send flowers for special occasions such as birthdays and weddings to celebrate or to show affection. They also give flowers at funerals to express sympathy.

× Absolutely. I, I love, I love uh, flower flowers.

✓ Absolutely. I love flowers.

Student used redundant words and an incorrect singular/plural form 'flower flowers'. Use the plural 'flowers' for general liking. Remove repeated filler words to make the sentence fluent.

× They are very colorful and uh, bringing fragrant and they always frighten my day when I see them in our garden or home.

✓ They are very colorful and fragrant, and they always brighten my day when I see them in our garden or at home.

Used incorrect verb 'bringing' and wrong verb 'frighten' (which means scare). Correct adjectives: 'fragrant' (not 'bringing fragrant'). Use verb 'brighten' to express making a day better. Also add conjunction 'and' and correct preposition 'at home'.

× For example, seeing for sunflowers on my way to work instant.

✓ For example, seeing sunflowers on my way to work is instant joy.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. Remove incorrect preposition 'for' and unclear word 'instant'. Add a clear clause 'is instant joy' or rephrase to 'gives me instant joy' to convey meaning.

× I guess many women I know love her flowers because they are beautiful and often have a pleasant sense.

✓ I guess many women I know love flowers because they are beautiful and often have a pleasant scent.

Incorrect pronoun 'her' is unnecessary and wrong here. 'Pleasant sense' should be 'pleasant scent' (noun for smell). Use no pronoun before 'flowers' or use 'them' if needed.

× They usually give and receive flowers on a special occasion such as birthdays or Wednesdays.

✓ They usually give and receive flowers on special occasions such as birthdays or weddings.

Use plural 'occasions' for general habits. 'Wednesdays' is incorrect; likely meant 'weddings'. 'On' with days is okay but here 'weddings' fits the context.

× In the past there were more flower flowers where I lived, but now there are many because of Urban Development.

✓ In the past there were more flowers where I lived, but now there are fewer because of urban development.

Redundant 'flower flowers' and wrong quantifier 'many' (should be 'fewer' when comparing countably fewer items). 'Urban Development' should be lowercase unless a proper noun.

× For example. For example several parks and gardens where replated by tall buildings and a restaurant.

✓ For example, several parks and gardens were replaced by tall buildings and restaurants.

Fragmented sentence and misspelling 'replated' should be 'replaced'. Use past passive 'were replaced' and plural 'restaurants' to agree with 'buildings' or keep singular as needed.

× I don't usually take photos of flowers in my daily life, but I I occasionally take photo take pictures when I visit the gardens or travel travel to a new places.

✓ I don't usually take photos of flowers in my daily life, but I occasionally take pictures when I visit gardens or travel to new places.

Removed repeated words and corrected 'take photo take pictures' to 'take pictures'. Use plural 'places' without article. 'The gardens' changed to 'gardens' for general reference.

× I like to capture beautiful flowers as a more memory or to share with friends.

✓ I like to capture beautiful flowers as a memory or to share them with friends.

Phrase 'a more memory' is incorrect; use 'a memory'. Add object 'them' after 'share' to make sentence complete.

× Uh, yes, people in my country often send flowers for a special, uh, spe special occasions such as uh, birthdays on get weddings to celebrate and uh, show affects the affections.

✓ Yes, people in my country often send flowers for special occasions such as birthdays and weddings to celebrate and to show affection.

Removed filler and fixed 'for a special occasions' to 'for special occasions'. 'on get' and 'affects the affections' were wrong; correct phrase is 'to show affection'.

× They also give uh, flowers as a funerals to express and sympathy sympathy.

✓ They also give flowers at funerals to express sympathy.

Use preposition 'at' for events: 'at funerals'. Remove duplicate 'sympathy' and extra conjunction 'and'.