7 分范例
话题: Describe a time when you felt proud of a family member
范例
Step 1: Identify the Part 2 question requirements. The question asks you to describe a time when you felt proud of a family member. You should mention: - When it happened - Who the person is - What the person did - And explain why you felt proud of him/her Step 2: Strategies for a better answer - Expand your answer with more details or extra stories: Give background about your family member, describe the situation in detail, and add any relevant emotions or reactions. - Coherence is important: Make sure your story flows logically from one point to the next. - Paraphrasing: Use different words to express the same ideas, especially when referring to pride or achievement. - Referring: Refer back to previous points to maintain cohesion. - Signposting: Use linking words and phrases to guide the listener through your answer. - Vocabulary needs to be appropriate as well as varied: Use a range of adjectives and verbs to describe feelings and actions. - Using synonyms or substitution: Avoid repeating the same words, especially “proud” or “family member.” - Demonstrating a range of grammar is key factor: Use different tenses, conditionals, and complex sentences. - Whole Model Answer MUST be more than 300 words. Topic:A time I felt proud of my younger sister When it happened One of the most memorable times I felt incredibly proud of a family member was about two years ago, during my younger sister’s high school graduation ceremony. The event took place in June, right at the end of the academic year, and it was held in the large auditorium of her school. I remember the weather was perfect that day, which made the whole experience even more enjoyable for our family. Who the person is The person I’m referring to is my younger sister, Lily. She’s always been a very determined and hardworking individual, but she’s also quite modest and doesn’t usually talk much about her achievements. Growing up, we were quite close, and I’ve always admired her dedication to her studies and her willingness to help others. What the person did What made this occasion so special was that Lily was chosen as the valedictorian of her graduating class. This meant she had the highest academic performance among all her peers, and she was selected to deliver the graduation speech. I still remember sitting in the audience, feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness as she walked up to the podium. Her speech was not only eloquent and heartfelt, but it also inspired many of her classmates to pursue their dreams. She spoke about overcoming challenges, the importance of perseverance, and the value of supporting one another. After her speech, she received a standing ovation from everyone in the auditorium, including teachers, students, and parents. And explain why you felt proud of him/her The reason I felt so proud of Lily was not just because of her academic accomplishments, but also because of the way she carried herself throughout the entire process. She worked incredibly hard, often staying up late to study or help her friends with their assignments, yet she never complained or sought attention. Seeing her recognized for her efforts and hearing her speak so confidently in front of a large audience made me realize how much she had grown. It was a truly emotional moment for me, and I felt an overwhelming sense of pride and admiration for her. To this day, whenever I think about that moment, it motivates me to work harder and be a better sibling.
步骤一：确定第二部分问题要求。 问题要求你描述一次你为家庭成员感到自豪的经历。你应该提到： - 事情发生的时间 - 这个人是谁 - 这个人做了什么 - 并解释为什么你为他/她感到自豪 步骤二：提升答案的策略 - 用更多细节或额外的故事扩展你的答案：介绍你的家庭成员的背景，详细描述情境，并加入相关的情感或反应。 - 连贯性很重要：确保你的故事逻辑通顺，从一个点自然过渡到下一个点。 - 换述：用不同的词表达相同的意思，尤其是在表达骄傲或成就时。 - 指代：回指前面提到的内容以保持连贯。 - 过渡标志：使用连接词和短语引导听众理解你的回答。 - 词汇需既恰当又多样化：使用多种形容词和动词描述感受和行为。 - 使用同义词或替代词：避免重复同一个词，尤其是“proud”或“family member”。 - 展示丰富的语法结构是关键因素：使用不同的时态、条件句和复杂句。 - 整个范文答案必须超过300字。 话题：我为我的妹妹感到自豪的一次经历 发生时间 我最难忘、最自豪的家庭成员时刻之一是大约两年前，在我妹妹的高中毕业典礼上。这个活动在六月，也就是学年末举行，地点是在她学校的大礼堂。我记得那天天气非常好，这让我们全家人的体验更加愉快。 人物介绍 我说的人是我的妹妹，莉莉。她一直是一个非常有决心和勤奋的人，但她也相当谦虚，通常不太谈论自己的成就。在成长过程中，我们关系很亲近，我一直钦佩她对学习的投入和乐于助人的态度。 她做了什么 这次的特别之处在于，莉莉被选为毕业班的致辞代表，意味着她在同学中成绩最高，并被选中发表毕业演讲。我还记得坐在观众席上，既激动又紧张地看着她走上讲台。她的演讲不仅言辞流利且真挚感人，还激励了许多同学去追求自己的梦想。她讲到了克服困难、坚持不懈的重要性，以及互相支持的价值。演讲结束后，她得到了在场所有师生和家长起立鼓掌的认可。 为什么我为她感到自豪 我为莉莉感到自豪，不仅仅是因为她的学业成就，更因为她在整个过程中展现出的态度。她非常努力，经常熬夜学习或帮助朋友完成作业，但从未抱怨或寻求关注。看到她因为努力而受到认可，听到她在众多观众面前自信地发言，让我意识到她成长了多少。那是一刻真正情感充沛的时刻，我感到无比的自豪和钦佩。直到今天，每当我想起那一刻，它都激励着我更加努力，做一个更好的兄长。
语法分析
- **复杂句子结构：** 回答展示了对复杂句子的娴熟运用，使用了从句和关系从句来增加细节和深度。例如：“What made this occasion so special was that Lily was chosen as the valedictorian of her graduating class, which meant she had the highest academic performance among all her peers, and she was selected to deliver the graduation speech.” - **时态多样性：** 回答巧妙地在一般过去时（“I remember the weather was perfect”）、过去进行时（“she was staying up late to study”）和一般现在时（“she’s always been a very determined and hardworking individual”）之间切换，以提供背景和情境。 - **代词指代与衔接：** “she”、“her”和“this”等代词的有效使用保持了文章的连贯，避免了重复。 - **被动语态的使用：** 被动语态使用得当，例如“was chosen as the valedictorian”，“was held in the large auditorium”，“was recognized for her efforts”。 - **条件句与使役结构：** 答案使用使役和条件结构表达原因和假设情况，例如“The reason I felt so proud…was not just because of her academic accomplishments, but also because of the way she carried herself.” - **连接词与标志语：** “What made this occasion so special”，“After her speech”，“The reason I felt so proud”，“To this day”，以及“whenever I think about that moment”等词语和短语帮助引导听众理解叙述，确保逻辑流畅。
高分词汇
  • - **Adjectives and Descriptive Phrases:** “incredibly proud,” “memorable,” “determined,” “hardworking,” “modest,” “eloquent,” “heartfelt,” “confidently,” “overwhelming sense of pride and admiration.”
    - **形容词和描述性短语：** “incredibly proud,” “memorable,” “determined,” “hardworking,” “modest,” “eloquent,” “heartfelt,” “confidently,” “overwhelming sense of pride and admiration.”
  • - **Academic and Event-Related Vocabulary:** “graduation ceremony,” “valedictorian,” “graduating class,” “academic performance,” “graduation speech,” “standing ovation,” “auditorium,” “peers,” “teachers,” “students,” “parents.”
    - **学术及活动相关词汇：** “graduation ceremony,” “valedictorian,” “graduating class,” “academic performance,” “graduation speech,” “standing ovation,” “auditorium,” “peers,” “teachers,” “students,” “parents.”
  • - **Verbs and Phrasal Verbs:** “admired,” “delivered,” “overcoming challenges,” “pursue their dreams,” “supporting one another,” “recognized for her efforts,” “carried herself,” “motivates me,” “work harder.”
    - **动词和短语动词：** “admired,” “delivered,” “overcoming challenges,” “pursue their dreams,” “supporting one another,” “recognized for her efforts,” “carried herself,” “motivates me,” “work harder.”
  • - **Emotional and Reflective Language:** “felt an overwhelming sense of pride,” “truly emotional moment,” “admiration,” “motivates me to work harder,” “be a better sibling.”
    - **情感和反思语言：** “felt an overwhelming sense of pride,” “truly emotional moment,” “admiration,” “motivates me to work harder,” “be a better sibling.”
  • - **Idiomatic and Natural Expressions:** “walked up to the podium,” “stood out,” “staying up late,” “never complained or sought attention,” “to this day.”
    - **地道且自然的表达：** “walked up to the podium,” “stood out,” “staying up late,” “never complained or sought attention,” “to this day.”
  • These features together demonstrate a Band 7.0 level answer: clear, fluent, well-organized, with a range of grammar and vocabulary, and only occasional minor errors that do not impede communication.
    这些特点共同展示了一个7.0分的答案水平：表达清晰、流利、组织良好，具备多样的语法和词汇，仅有偶尔的小错误且不影响交流。