艺术— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “Yes, I love drawing.”), then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and grammatical errors (e.g., “by myself” not “to by myself”), and keep within 3–4 sentences.

示例: Yes, I love drawing, especially flowers. I enjoy it because I often decorate my room with DIY items, so drawing floral designs helps me create personalised decorations. If I have more time, I plan to take lessons to improve my technique.

建议: Make the answer clearer and grammatically correct. Begin with a direct response (Yes/No), then add one specific reason with linking words. Avoid vague phrasing like “appreciates my who I am” and correct tense/number errors (e.g., “that makes me feel at home” and “portray nature”).

示例: Yes, I enjoy going to galleries, especially those that display ancestral and nature-themed art. These exhibitions make me feel connected to my heritage and give me a sense of belonging, so I find them both comforting and inspiring.

建议: Respond directly and avoid repetition. Say briefly that you want to learn more, then give one clear reason and use linking words. Fix wording like “learn about MyHeritage” (use ‘my heritage’) and grammar (e.g., ‘art is’ not ‘arts is’).

示例: Yes, I want to learn more about art because it reflects my heritage and helps me understand my cultural identity. For example, studying traditional paintings would teach me about the stories and symbols important to my family’s history.

建议: Use past tense consistently and be concise. Start with a clear past-tense topic sentence (e.g., “Yes, I drew a lot as a child.”), then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g., ‘My I can remember’, ‘Father, you usually use them’) and repetition.

示例: Yes, I used to draw a lot when I was a child. My parents bought art books and we practised drawing flowers and animals, which became a favourite hobby and gave me confidence because my finished drawings looked attractive and were often displayed at home.

× Well I would say I love drawing, but I'm not just good at drawing, it's something I intend to learn in the future if I have the opportunity to do.

✓ Well, I would say I love drawing, but I'm not very good at it; it's something I intend to learn in the future if I have the opportunity.

The student used 'not just good' incorrectly; 'not just' implies additional positive quality rather than weakness. 'Not very good' or 'not good' is the correct adjective phrase. Also replace the repeated 'drawing' with the pronoun 'it' for naturalness and remove the unnecessary 'to do'. Add commas and a semicolon to fix sentence flow.

× Especially drawing of flowers.

✓ I especially enjoy drawing flowers.

The fragment 'Especially drawing of flowers.' lacks a main verb and uses an awkward 'drawing of flowers' noun phrase. Using the verb 'enjoy' plus gerund 'drawing' creates a complete and grammatical sentence: 'I especially enjoy drawing flowers.'

× This is because I love decorating my room with DIY so I always love things that I can do to by myself and it makes me.

✓ This is because I love decorating my room with DIY projects, so I always like things I can do by myself; they make me happy.

The original is ungrammatical and incomplete ('it makes me'). 'DIY' should be 'DIY projects' and 'love' repeated is redundant; use 'like' or 'enjoy'. Use plural 'they' to refer to 'things' and add the complement 'happy' for clarity.

× Visiting galleries has always been one of the things I have dreamt about.

✓ Visiting galleries has always been something I have dreamed about.

The present perfect 'have dreamt' is acceptable but 'have dreamed' is more common; change 'one of the things I have dreamt about' to the more concise 'something I have dreamed about' for naturalness and correct noun phrase structure.

× I especially the arts gallery where they showcase a lot of ancestral pictures and that's makes me feel at home, appreciates my who I am and even the ones that portrays nature.

✓ I especially like art galleries where they showcase many ancestral pictures; that makes me feel at home, appreciating who I am and even the works that portray nature.

Missing verb 'like' after 'I especially'. 'Arts gallery' should be 'art galleries' and 'a lot of' becomes 'many'. Remove the contraction 'that's makes' to 'that makes'. Use 'appreciating who I am' (gerund phrase) and 'works that portray nature' for correct verb agreement and word choice.

× Yes, I would love to learn more about, in fact, it has been one of my goals to learn about MyHeritage and I know that arts is one of the things that displays the ancestral heritage and also helps you to know your identity.

✓ Yes, I would love to learn more about it. In fact, it has been one of my goals to learn about MyHeritage, and I know that art is one of the ways to display ancestral heritage and help you learn your identity.

The phrase 'learn more about' is incomplete without an object ('it'). 'Arts' should be 'art' (uncountable) and 'displays the ancestral heritage' is better as 'display ancestral heritage'. 'Helps you to know your identity' is more natural as 'help you learn your identity.' Add punctuation to separate sentences.

× And because of that I would love to do that because I know I want to know my roots and all my cultural identity.

✓ Because of that, I would love to do it; I want to learn about my roots and my cultural identity.

Avoid repeating 'because' twice; change 'do that' to 'do it' and simplify 'I know I want to know' to 'I want to learn about'. Use 'my cultural identity' for clarity.

× Growing up, drawing is one of the things we do for fun.

✓ Growing up, drawing was one of the things we did for fun.

The sentence refers to past habitual actions while growing up, so simple past 'was' and 'did' are required instead of present tense 'is' and 'do'.

× My I can remember very well my parents buying us a lot of art books where we draw and things like flowers, animals and all that.

✓ I can remember very well my parents buying us a lot of art books where we drew things like flowers and animals.

Remove the stray 'My' at the start. Since the action is in the past, use past tense 'drew' instead of 'draw'. 'And all that' is informal and unnecessary; remove for clarity.

× In fact, it was one of the one of my hobby back then and it gives me a lot of confidence because once you finish drawing, they look so beautiful.

✓ In fact, it was one of my hobbies back then, and it gave me a lot of confidence because once you finished drawing, the pictures looked so beautiful.

Correct 'one of the one of my hobby' to 'one of my hobbies' (plural). Match past tense 'was' with 'gave' and 'finished' and ensure subject agreement: 'the pictures looked' instead of 'they look'.

× Father, you usually use them.

✓ My father usually hung them.

The original sentence 'Father, you usually use them.' is unclear and ungrammatical. Likely meaning is that the father usually displayed or hung the drawings, so use past tense 'hung' to match narration and correct subject 'My father'.