梦想— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct minor grammar errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce hesitations (umm) and avoid repeating ideas. Correct phrasing like "I can still feel" and "I can't clearly remember my dreams."

示例: I can't clearly remember my dreams most mornings, but I can usually tell when I was dreaming. For example, I often wake up with only blurry colors and shapes, yet I still remember the emotion—either happiness or anger—associated with the dream.

建议: Give a direct answer first, then provide a clear reason with one specific example. Fix grammar and word order (e.g., "I would like my friends to talk to me about their dreams"). Use linking words like "because" and "for example" and avoid fillers.

示例: I would share my dreams if I could remember them. Because I believe dreams reveal emotions, I enjoy hearing friends' dreams; for example, last week a friend told a dream that showed she was anxious about a work presentation.

建议: Avoid vague references like "some brain size reported"—be precise or omit. Provide a clear reason and a better example. Remove hesitations and correct collocations ("brain activity" not "brain movement"). Keep it to two or three sentences maximum.

示例: Yes, I think dreams can have meaning because they often reflect our feelings or recent experiences. For example, dreaming about a water bottle could indicate physical thirst or a symbolic need for emotional nourishment.

建议: Answer directly, then give a specific example with clear linking words. Remove fillers and repetitive phrasing. Use concise, natural language ("I want to make my dreams come true because they represent my goals") and be specific about steps or reasons if possible.

示例: Yes, I want to make my dreams come true because they reflect my goals and hopes. For example, I once dreamed of traveling the world, so I plan to save money and research destinations to turn that dream into reality.

× No, I cannot clearly remember the dreams I have every day, but I know when.

✓ No, I cannot clearly remember the dreams I have every day, but I know when I dream.

The original sentence ends abruptly and lacks the verb phrase that completes the idea. 'Know when' requires a clause such as 'I dream' to be grammatically complete. Adding 'I dream' keeps present tense consistent and clarifies meaning.

× But I can still my feel my emotion towards a dream, no matter it is happiness or anger.

✓ But I can still feel my emotions towards a dream, whether it is happiness or anger.

Word order and form are incorrect: 'my feel my' is ungrammatical and 'emotion' should be plural ('emotions') to match general reference. Use 'feel' directly after 'can' (modal+base form) and 'whether' to introduce alternatives.

× So I think this is just very mysterious and very interesting.

✓ So I think this is very mysterious and interesting.

Redundant use of 'very' twice is stylistically weak. Removing one 'very' and keeping parallel adjectives 'mysterious and interesting' improves fluency and conciseness.

× Well, I would like to share my dreams with others if I can remember them.

✓ Well, I would like to share my dreams with others if I can remember them.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. It uses modal 'would' appropriately for a conditional or polite preference.

× However as I mentioned in the first question I cannot.

✓ However, as I mentioned in the first question, I cannot remember them.

The original sentence ends with 'I cannot' which is incomplete; adding the object 'remember them' completes the thought. Also add commas after introductory phrase for clarity.

× But I would be interested umm if other people share their dreams with me because I think that from dreams it can detect what you are feeling and how your mood is.

✓ But I would be interested if other people shared their dreams with me, because I think dreams can reveal how you feel and what your mood is.

Tense consistency: after 'would be interested' the conditional 'shared' is more natural. 'From dreams it can detect' is passive and awkward; use active 'dreams can reveal'. 'How your mood is' should be 'what your mood is' or 'what your mood was' depending on time; here present works.

× So I would like it if my friends at talk with me about their dreams that they had.

✓ So I would like it if my friends talked with me about the dreams they had.

Remove extraneous preposition 'at' and correct verb form to past 'talked' to match 'they had' (past). Place 'the dreams they had' as a clear object. This fixes word order and tense consistency.

× I definitely believe dreams have special meanings because according to some brain size reported I have read UMM, the dreams you had are connected to some brain movement or your mood you are feeling uh.

✓ I definitely believe dreams have special meanings because, according to some brain studies I have read about, the dreams you have are connected to brain activity or to your current mood.

'Some brain size reported' is incorrect; 'brain studies' fits meaning. Use 'I have read about' to indicate source. Change 'the dreams you had' to 'the dreams you have' to match present discussion, and 'brain movement' should be 'brain activity'. Add 'current' to clarify 'mood'.

× For example, if you saw maybe a water bottle in your dream, it may mean that you are desperate for water and you are thirsty at that moment.

✓ For example, if you see a water bottle in your dream, it may mean that you are desperate for water and thirsty at that moment.

Use present tense 'see' to describe a general condition in dreams. Also simplify repetition: 'you are thirsty' can be shortened to 'thirsty' to avoid redundancy.

× Yes, I definitely would like to make my dreams come true because some of those dreams are just our wildest imagination and our expectations towards a brighter future.

✓ Yes, I definitely would like to make my dreams come true because some of those dreams are our wildest imaginations and our expectations for a brighter future.

'Imagination' should be plural 'imaginations' when referring to different dreams. Use 'expectations for' rather than 'towards' to collocate with 'expectations'. This improves noun agreement and preposition use.

× Uh, for example, once I dreamed of traveling around the world and experiencing the beauty, umm, of the, uh, so of beauties of the landscape around me.

✓ For example, once I dreamed of traveling around the world and experiencing the beauty of the landscapes around me.

Simplify and correct phrase: use past tense 'dreamed' is fine; 'beauties of the landscape' is awkward—use 'beauty of the landscapes'. Remove filler words for clarity and fluidity.

× So I would really like to make those dreams.

✓ So I would really like to make those dreams come true.

Add 'come true' to complete the idea and match earlier phrase 'make my dreams come true'; without it the sentence is vague and feels incomplete.