梦想— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Focus on producing a clear topic sentence and then one or two concise supporting details. Use correct verb tenses (past for childhood dreams, present for current feelings) and avoid repetition. Link ideas with simple connectors (for example, “when I was young…” and “now…”). Also choose precise vocabulary (e.g. “senior pilot” instead of unclear words). Keep to fewer than five sentences.

示例: When I was young, I dreamed of becoming a pilot. When I became a teenager, my interest in aviation grew and I wanted to be a senior pilot. Now I still love flying and study aviation topics to pursue that goal.

建议: Answer directly and coherently: state whether you share dreams, then give one clear reason or example. Avoid irrelevant or confusing details and incorrect grammar (subject–verb agreement, articles). Use linking words like “also” or “but” correctly. Keep sentences short and logical.

示例: Yes, I often share my dreams with family and friends because their advice helps me plan. For example, I told my parents I want to work in aviation, and they support me by buying books and encouraging my studies.

建议: Start with a direct opinion sentence, then give one or two specific reasons and an example. Use correct subject–verb agreement and pronouns. Use linking words such as “because” or “for example” to connect ideas. Make vocabulary relevant and varied (e.g. “goals”, “aspirations”, “professions”).

示例: Yes, I think dreams are important because they give people direction and motivation. For example, a student who dreams of becoming a doctor will study hard and choose the right subjects to reach that goal.

建议: Give a clear affirmation, then explain how you try to achieve the dream with specific actions. Avoid irrelevant comments about grammar errors; instead mention concrete study or practice steps. Use correct grammar for clarity and keep to two or three sentences.

示例: Yes, I definitely want to make my dream come true. I study aviation books, take online courses about flying, and practice English regularly so I can communicate well in aviation settings.

× Yes, I had one, but when I was young I have a really big dream to become a pilot and when I am become a young teenager I want to be, I want I would just want to be a a pilot, a senior pilot or a Juniper pilot.

✓ Yes, I had one, but when I was young I had a really big dream to become a pilot, and when I became a young teenager I wanted to be a pilot, a senior pilot or a junior pilot.

The student mixed past and present tenses ('have', 'am become', 'want') while describing past events. Use past simple ('had', 'became', 'wanted') to keep tense consistent when talking about past aspirations. Also 'Juniper' is likely 'junior'. Suggestion: when narrating past experiences, use past simple verbs and check vocabulary (junior pilot).

× But I am still fairly in love in flattening too.

✓ But I am still fairly in love with flying too.

The phrase 'in love in' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'in love with'. 'Flattening' is likely a mispronunciation of 'flying'. Use 'in love with' + noun/gerund. Suggestion: say 'in love with flying' to express enjoyment of flying.

× Yes, definitely I am. Actually I am. I just want to be a normal businessman.

✓ Yes, definitely. Actually, I want to be a normal businessman.

Redundant 'I am' fragments and inconsistent present-tense phrasing. Use a single present tense statement 'I want' to express current desire. Suggestion: avoid unnecessary 'I am' insertions and keep concise sentences.

× But but right now I am becoming a small teenager.

✓ But right now I am a young teenager.

'Becoming a small teenager' is incorrect; use 'a young teenager' to describe current age. 'Becoming' implies change; if the speaker is currently a teenager, use 'I am a young teenager.' Suggestion: use 'young' instead of 'small' when describing adolescents.

× But my house are under my ****.

✓ But my house is under water.

Subject 'house' is singular and requires singular verb 'is', not 'are'. 'Under my ****' seems intended as 'under water'. Use 'is under water' or 'is flooded'. Suggestion: match singular subjects with 'is' and use correct vocabulary 'under water' or 'flooded'.

× My house is always underwater.

✓ My house is always underwater.

This sentence is grammatically correct. It uses present simple appropriately to describe a general or repeated state. No change needed.

× Yes, of course it make me have a really big goal and we need to everybody, our kid, a teenager, adult or older, we have to we have to a dream.

✓ Yes, of course it makes me have a really big goal, and everyone—children, teenagers, adults and older people—needs to have a dream.

Subject-verb agreement error 'it make' should be 'it makes' (singular). Also incorrect word order and quantifiers ('we need to everybody'). Use 'everyone' and parallel noun list with correct plural forms and verbs: 'everyone ... needs to have a dream.' Suggestion: ensure verbs agree with their subjects and use clear quantifiers like 'everyone'.

× Everybody have a dream, some business, some economics, sometimes doctor, nurse, they always have a really different, different dream.

✓ Everybody has a dream: some want to run a business, some study economics, some want to be doctors or nurses; they all have different dreams.

'Everybody have' should be 'Everybody has' (subject-verb agreement). The list is unclear and uses wrong word forms ('business' should be 'run a business' or 'be businessmen', 'economics' should be 'study economics' or 'work in economics'). Clarify occupations with correct noun forms and verb phrases. Suggestion: use 'has' with 'everybody' and parallel structures for lists.

× Yes, definitely I am really sorry hard, but I am really bad on grammar because I am sometimes I am ****** at grammar form like subject pronoun, object pronoun sometime and I really make sure that everybody out everybody want to a dream come true.

✓ Yes, definitely. I am trying really hard, but my grammar is poor because I sometimes make mistakes with grammar forms like subject pronouns and object pronouns. I really want everyone who has a dream to make it come true.

Multiple issues: unclear phrases 'sorry hard' likely 'trying really hard'; incorrect construction 'I am really bad on grammar' should be 'my grammar is poor' or 'I am bad at grammar'. 'I am sometimes I am ******' is repetitive and unclear. Also 'everybody out everybody want to a dream come true' is ungrammatical; use 'everyone who has a dream to make it come true' with correct infinitive 'to make'. Suggestion: use 'try hard', 'be bad at something', and 'everyone who has a dream'.

× And I'm always studying about aviation right now.

✓ And I'm always studying aviation right now.

The verb 'study' does not require the preposition 'about' when followed by the subject matter; 'studying aviation' is correct. Also 'always studying' + 'right now' is acceptable to emphasize ongoing action. Suggestion: drop 'about' and use 'studying aviation' or 'studying to become a pilot' if appropriate.