梦想— Part 1 评分报告

建议: ・もっとはっきりしたトピックセンテンスを使い、曖昧な間（umm）や繰り返しを減らしましょう。 ・情報を論理的に展開するために接続詞（for example, because）を使ってください。 ・語彙の誤りを直し、冠詞や前置詞（a zoo, near my house）に注意しましょう。 ・答えは3文以内にまとめ、具体的な詳細（何歳の頃か、どんな動物が好きだったか）を一つ加えると効果的です。

示例: Yes, I can. When I was a child I dreamed of working at a zoo because I loved animals, especially monkeys and birds. I often visited a zoo near my house, which made me sure about that dream.

建议: ・答えが中断されており、繰り返しや声の詰まり（I I, MMM）を減らす練習が必要です。 ・現在と過去の違いを明確に示す構造（I used to ... but now I ...）を使って論理的に話してください。 ・具体的な現在の状況（今はあまり話さない理由）を一文で補足すると良いです。

示例: I used to share my dreams with friends when I was a child, and I enjoyed hearing about theirs. However, now I rarely talk about my dreams because I focus more on practical plans than on childhood fantasies.

建议: ・最初の主張は明確ですが、表現を簡潔にし、代名詞の指示対象をはっきりさせましょう（“that girl”は誰か不明）。 ・事例は具体的にし、接続語（for example, because, so）でつなげると自然です。 ・語彙の選択（worker → zookeeper, visit zoo → visit the zoo）を改善してください。

示例: Yes, I think dreams can reflect our goals and sometimes motivate us to work harder. For example, when I dreamed of being a zookeeper, it encouraged me to visit the zoo often and learn about animals.

建议: ・繰り返し（I I, dreams dream）や文法ミスを直し、文を簡潔にまとめましょう。 ・将来計画の流れを時系列で整理し、接続詞（first, then, finally）を使って説明してください。 ・具体性を増すためにいつ留学したいか、どの程度勉強しているかなどの詳細を一つ加えると良いです。

示例: Yes, I do. I want to become a nurse in Canada. First, I will go to college to complete a practical nursing course, and then I plan to gain clinical experience before applying for a job in Canada.

× Yes I did.

✓ Yes, I did.

Minor punctuation: add a comma after 'Yes' to separate discourse particle from clause. This is not a grammar rule in the list but improves readability. (Kept brief as sentence is grammatically correct in past tense.)

× I wanted to work at the zoo when I was a child because I really loved animals, umm and I often went to zoo near my house.

✓ I wanted to work at the zoo when I was a child because I really loved animals, and I often went to the zoo near my house.

The error is omission of the definite article before 'zoo'. In English, singular countable places like 'zoo' usually require 'the' when a specific zoo is meant ('the zoo near my house'). Also remove filler 'umm' and fix punctuation. Suggestion: use 'the zoo' for specific locations and include commas to separate clauses.

× When I was a child I often shared my dreams and I I often heard others dream but now I. MMM.

✓ When I was a child, I often shared my dreams and I often heard about other people's dreams, but now I don't.

Two issues: missing preposition and incorrect verb form. 'Heard others dream' is unidiomatic; use 'heard about other people's dreams'. Also the sentence ends incompletely; 'now I' should be completed as 'now I don't' (meaning 'I don't share them now'). Add commas and remove repeated word. Suggestion: use 'hear about' to talk about other people's dreams and finish the contrast clause with an auxiliary verb.

× For example, when I dreamed of becoming a worker at the zoo, that girl pushed me to visit zoo frequently.

✓ For example, when I dreamed of becoming a worker at the zoo, that idea pushed me to visit the zoo frequently.

Pronoun/reference error: 'that girl' is unclear and likely incorrect in context; 'that idea' (the dream) fits better. Also missing definite article before the second 'zoo' — use 'the zoo'. Suggestion: ensure pronouns or noun phrases clearly refer to the intended subject and use 'the' with a specific place.

× Yes I I do.

✓ Yes, I do.

Repeated word and punctuation: remove duplicate 'I' and add comma after 'Yes'. The present tense 'I do' correctly answers desire for making dreams come true.

× I dreams dream of becoming a nurse in Canada.

✓ I dream of becoming a nurse in Canada.

Subject-verb agreement / word duplication: 'dreams' is incorrect after 'I'; correct verb is 'dream' (first person singular present). Also remove duplicated word. Suggestion: use 'I dream' for present habitual or ongoing desire.

× So first I need to go to college to attend practical nursing course.

✓ So first I need to go to college to attend a practical nursing course.

Missing article before 'practical nursing course'. Use 'a' because it's a singular countable noun referring to one course. Tense 'need to' is correct for future intention. Suggestion: include appropriate indefinite article for a nonspecific singular countable noun.

× I really study hard.

✓ I am studying really hard.

Tense/aspect: 'I really study hard' is grammatical but sounds awkward for a current ongoing effort. Use present continuous 'I am studying really hard' to express an ongoing action. Suggestion: use present continuous for actions happening around now.