分享— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Make your answer direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No and brief reason), then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect pronouns/tense.

示例: Yes. My parents encouraged me to share from a young age because they believed sharing builds kindness. For example, they asked me to give toys to younger cousins and share school supplies with classmates, which helped me make friends and feel responsible.

建议: Begin with a clear statement about what you typically share, then give specific examples and use linking words (for example, if, so). Avoid absolute negatives; be natural and concise.

示例: I usually share items that are useful or needed by others, such as stationery or food. For example, if a classmate forgets a pen, I will lend mine, and if a friend is hungry, I might share a snack.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence naming unsafe items, then give a specific reason and brief example. Use correct plural/singular and linkers (because, for example). Avoid long unclear clauses.

示例: I think personal electronic devices like smartphones and tablets are not suitable for sharing because they carry private information and can spread germs. For example, sharing a phone with a child could expose them to inappropriate content or damage their eyesight if used excessively.

建议: Give a clear, concise answer about a recent sharing event with specific details (what, when, why). Use correct past tense and avoid repetition.

示例: Yes. Two days ago I lent my laptop to my cousin so he could practice using software for his course. I gave it to him because he did not have a computer at the time and needed it to complete an assignment.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence naming the person, then explain briefly why and give one example. Avoid confusing phrases and irrelevant details.

示例: I would first tell my cousin because we are close and he always supports me. For example, if I got a job offer I would call him immediately to celebrate, but if the news were serious, I might also inform my parents.

建议: Be specific about the types of news you share and why you share them. Use simple, natural vocabulary and one or two clear examples. Avoid vague terms and grammar mistakes.

示例: I usually share positive or interesting news with my friends, such as local events or academic achievements. For instance, I tell them about a helpful workshop I found so they can join and benefit from it too.

× Yes, in my teenage my parents asked me to share your things with others because sharing is caring and it's a good habit that if anybody will implement in his daily life so in future it will be helpful for him to do more to move further and spend their future in good way.

✓ Yes, in my teenage years my parents asked me to share my things with others because sharing is caring and it is a good habit; if anyone practices it in daily life, it will help them in the future.

Errors: incorrect pronoun use ('your' instead of 'my'), awkward tense and modal use ('will implement' should be 'practices'), and unnatural phrasing. Use 'teenage years', 'my things', simple present for habitual actions ('practices'), and gender-neutral pronoun 'anyone' and 'them'. Also split into clearer clauses and replace 'spend their future in good way' with 'help them in the future'. Suggestion: Use concise clauses, correct pronouns, and present simple for habits.

× No I would not like anything to share with others. I it's depend on the others needs and wants. So if anybody wants anything and I have ability to fulfill their need and work so I will ultimately give them at any cost. So thanks for.

✓ No, I would not like to share anything with others. It depends on others' needs and wants. If someone needs something and I can fulfill their need, I will give it to them.

Errors: wrong word order and pronouns ('I would not like anything to share' -> 'I would not like to share anything'; 'I it's depend' -> 'It depends'); incorrect possessive ('others needs' -> 'others' needs'); awkward phrasing ('at any cost', 'So thanks for' incomplete). Use 'someone' or 'someone's/they' for neutral pronouns and clean sentence structure. Suggestion: Use correct subject-verb order and possessive forms, and remove unnecessary phrases.

× Sharing the search in a current situation according to these days, the technological device are not suitable for sharing with others because it are so much harmful especially for Childs and ultimately it will badly affect on their physical health and mental health and mental peace because it will especially harm on our their eyes and.

✓ In the current situation, technological devices are not suitable for sharing because they can be harmful, especially for children, and can negatively affect their physical and mental health, including their eyesight.

Errors: article and noun forms ('the technological device' -> 'technological devices'); subject-verb agreement ('are' vs 'it are'); plural of 'child' is 'children'; redundant and incorrect prepositions ('affect on' -> 'affect'); awkward phrasing. Use plural nouns with plural verbs and correct noun forms. Suggestion: Keep sentences concise, use correct plural forms and verb agreement, and use 'affect' not 'affect on'.

× Note more things I have to share but only the one thing. The day before yesterday I have a laptop which I I have AI have kept from my hostel from a batch made. So this laptop was the one thing and it was suitable suitable for my cousin to share with us to know how to use and how to tell them.

✓ I do not have many things to share, only one. The day before yesterday I had a laptop that I had kept in my hostel. This laptop was the one thing I could share with my cousin so he could learn how to use it.

Errors: incorrect tense usage ('I have' should be past 'I had' for completed action), redundant words, and unclear phrasing ('kept from my hostel from a batch made'). Use simple past for past events, remove repetitions, and clarify purpose ('so he could learn how to use it'). Suggestion: Use past tense for completed actions and clear, concise phrasing.

× The first person is from my blood relation is my cousin. The that I would like to share good news with him such as it depends on the good news if it is related to the comedy so that I will share with him and if it is related to to such a crime so I will share with my cousin uncle trust.

✓ The first person I would share good news with is my cousin, who is a relative. It depends on the news: if it is something funny, I will share it with him; if it is about a serious matter such as a crime, I will share it with a trusted uncle.

Errors: awkward and incorrect phrasing ('from my blood relation', 'The that I would like'); repetition and unclear referents. Use clear relative clauses ('who is a relative'), and clarify who you would tell for different types of news using consistent pronouns. Suggestion: Use simple, direct sentences and clarify relationships and conditions.

× I have the news related to the crime control and related to the UK committee. I want to share with my friends from which they will become happy and too much excited and give me a bunch or give me a bunch of knowledge. So that's why I will always work with them because they also share that kind of news with.

✓ I have news related to crime control and to a UK committee. I want to share it with my friends because they will be happy and excited and will give me useful information in return. That is why I like to work with them, because they also share similar news.

Errors: incorrect prepositions and pronouns ('related to the UK committee' is acceptable but clumsy), incorrect idioms ('give me a bunch of knowledge'), and sentence fragments ('share that kind of news with' missing object). Use natural expressions ('useful information'), correct verb forms ('will be'), and complete sentences. Suggestion: Use standard collocations and complete sentence structures; replace informal idioms with clearer phrases.