分享— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler sounds, and use a couple of specific details. Watch verb agreement and article use (e.g., “the moment” → “moments”).

示例: Yes. My parents taught me to share from a young age because they believed sharing builds empathy and strong relationships. For example, we always passed around toys and snacks at family gatherings, which made those moments more enjoyable and connected us as a family.

建议: Give a direct topic sentence then two specific categories with reasons using linking words (e.g., “however,” “because”). Correct word choice (e.g., “contaminated” → “contamination/they may become contaminated”).

示例: It depends, but I usually share everyday items like stationery and food because they are easy to replace and help others. However, I avoid sharing personal items such as toothbrushes or razors because they can become contaminated and pose health risks.

建议: Be direct and correct grammar and pronouns. Use one clear topic sentence and one or two concise supporting reasons with linking words. Replace vague phrasing (“daily use able”) with precise terms and avoid overgeneralization about immune system.

示例: Items that are unsuitable for sharing include personal hygiene items such as toothbrushes, razors and intimate clothing, because they can transmit germs and increase the risk of infection. Therefore, I never share those items.

建议: Tell the story in a clear sequence: topic sentence, brief context, and result. Fix tense and article errors (“a couple of weeks ago”, “while I was working”). Remove fillers. Include a final brief result or feeling.

示例: Yes. A couple of weeks ago I lent my laptop to my son because his computer had broken and he had an urgent project. Although I was working at the time, I helped him finish the project, and he managed to submit it on time.

建议: Use a clear topic sentence and concise reasons with correct singular/plural and article usage (“family members” or “a family member”). Avoid phrases like “very profoundly”; use natural vocabulary (e.g., “closely” or “deeply”).

示例: I usually share good news with my family first because I know they will be genuinely happy for me. Seeing their excited expressions always makes the moment more special.

建议: Start with a direct statement. Use correct collocations (e.g., “good or bad news happens to me” → “I share both good and bad news”). Explain briefly why using clear linking words and natural expressions (e.g., “to get support” and “to celebrate together”).

示例: I share both good and bad news with my friends. If something bad happens, I tell them to get emotional support and advice; if something good happens, I share it so we can celebrate together.

× Definitely, yes, Sharing is considered as a profoundly, uh, moral activity that every child is taught in my surrounding because it is also next to caring and it not only help us to strengthen our relationship but also make for moment more memorable.

✓ Definitely, yes. Sharing is considered a profound moral activity that every child is taught in my surroundings because it is closely related to caring, and it not only helps us strengthen our relationships but also makes moments more memorable.

Errors: incorrect adjective/adverb forms and adjective order ('profoundly' should be adjective 'profound'; 'moral activity' is correct order), wrong article and noun forms ('a profound moral activity'; 'surrounding' should be plural or 'surroundings'), collocation ('next to' -> 'closely related to'), subject-verb agreement ('help' -> 'helps'; 'make' -> 'makes'), plural nouns ('relationship' -> 'relationships'; 'moment' -> 'moments'). Suggestion: use appropriate adjective forms, ensure noun plurality matches context, use correct collocations, and ensure verbs agree with singular subjects.

× Most of the time it depends upon my mood, the kind of things I really want to share.

✓ Most of the time it depends on my mood and the kinds of things I really want to share.

Errors: preposition choice ('depends upon' is acceptable but 'depends on' is more natural), noun number ('the kind of things' -> 'the kinds of things' or 'the kind of thing'), conjunction punctuation. Suggestion: use 'depends on' and match singular/plural nouns correctly.

× For example, I don't mind sharing my stationery, my food or my kitchen utensils with anyone else in my surrounding.

✓ For example, I don't mind sharing my stationery, my food, or my kitchen utensils with anyone in my surroundings.

Errors: article and preposition use: 'anyone else' is awkward here, 'anyone' is sufficient; 'in my surrounding' should be 'in my surroundings'. Suggestion: use 'anyone' and pluralize 'surroundings' for natural expression.

× But I'm very careful about sharing personal items because by sharing them there can be a way of making contaminated.

✓ But I'm very careful about sharing personal items because sharing them can lead to contamination.

Errors: awkward passive/nominalization and adjective use ('making contaminated' is incorrect). Suggestion: use 'lead to contamination' or 'make them contaminated' for clarity and correct verb forms.

× I think 1 should be extremely conscious while sharing uh, it's his or her outfit or daily use able items like toothbrush because it can not only uh, increase the chance of getting pathogen but also uh, compromise the immune system.

✓ I think one should be extremely careful when sharing outfits or daily-use items like a toothbrush because it can not only increase the chance of catching pathogens but also compromise the immune system.

Errors: numeral '1' used instead of pronoun 'one'; awkward phrase 'conscious while sharing' -> 'careful when sharing'; 'daily use able' -> 'daily-use'; missing articles ('a toothbrush'); incorrect verb collocations ('getting pathogen' -> 'catching pathogens'); subject-verb agreement and parallelism. Suggestion: use 'one', hyphenate compound adjectives, include articles, and use correct collocations.

× Yeah, yes. A couple of week ago, I shared my laptop with my son.

✓ Yeah, yes. A couple of weeks ago, I shared my laptop with my son.

Errors: plural form 'weeks' required after 'a couple of'. Suggestion: use 'a couple of weeks ago' for correct past-time expression.

× Uh, his computer was not working that day and he had to complete an important project and he asked me to help him and I while I was doing my office work, but I had to help him because he was just near to the deadline.

✓ His computer was not working that day and he had to complete an important project, so he asked me to help while I was doing my office work, but I had to help him because he was close to the deadline.

Errors: word order and extraneous conjunctions ('and he asked me to help him and I while' is ungrammatical), preposition choice ('near to the deadline' -> 'close to the deadline'), redundant tense markers. Suggestion: simplify sentence structure, use 'so' to show cause, and use 'close to the deadline'.

× I love to share good news with my family member because I understand their emotions very profoundly.

✓ I love to share good news with my family members because I understand their emotions very well.

Errors: singular 'family member' should be plural 'family members' to match 'their'; 'profoundly' is awkward here—use 'very well'. Suggestion: match pronoun number and choose natural adverbs.

× So whenever there is an exciting news, I really want to see their amazing eyes and expression that make my day usually.

✓ So whenever there is exciting news, I really want to see their amazed eyes and expressions because that usually makes my day.

Errors: article with 'news' (uncountable, drop 'an'), adjective form ('amazing eyes' -> 'amazed eyes'), plural 'expression' -> 'expressions', word order ('that make my day usually' -> 'because that usually makes my day'). Suggestion: treat 'news' as uncountable, ensure adjective and noun agreement, and place adverbs ('usually') before main verb.

× Every good or bad news associates with me.

✓ Every piece of good or bad news is connected to me.

Errors: 'news' is uncountable so 'every news' is incorrect; verb 'associates with me' is awkward. Suggestion: use 'every piece of news' or 'every good or bad news' -> better 'every piece of good or bad news' and choose correct verbs like 'is connected to' or 'affects'.

× I love to share this with my friends as well as with my family member because if it is, uh, a miserable condition, then my emotions are processed and if it is something exciting then my happiness are compounded.

✓ I love to share this with my friends as well as my family members because if it is a miserable situation, my emotions are processed, and if it is something exciting, my happiness is amplified.

Errors: 'family member' should be plural 'family members'; 'a miserable condition' is unnatural—'miserable situation' better; subject-verb agreement ('my happiness are compounded' -> 'my happiness is amplified'); awkward phrasing 'my emotions are processed' is vague—consider 'I can process my emotions' or 'my emotions are shared and processed'. Suggestion: match plural forms, fix subject-verb agreement, and use clearer verbs like 'amplified' or 'eased'.