分享— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and natural: start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid redundancy and grammatical errors (use past tense and correct articles). Use linking words like "because" or "for example" to connect ideas.

示例: Yes. My parents and especially my grandmother taught me to share from a young age because it helped build strong family bonds. For example, we always shared toys and snacks with siblings, which taught me generosity and cooperation.

建议: Open with a clear topic sentence and give two specific examples linked logically. Reduce filler words and improve word choice (e.g., "I share tips on healthy eating" rather than "I am sharing uh").

示例: I usually share advice about healthy eating and lifestyle because I work in a clinic as a quality specialist. For example, I tell patients which foods to avoid and recommend affordable products that support good health.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence stating what should not be shared, then support with specific reasons and examples. Fix grammar and use linking words like "because" and "however."

示例: Personal items such as underwear and bed linens should not be shared because they can spread germs. However, items like books or pens are usually safe to share between friends.

建议: Start with a concise topic sentence, then use 1–2 specific examples and a linking word. Correct tense and article usage ("a mini library," "vegetables"). Avoid repeating phrases like "I love to share."

示例: Yes. I recently set up a mini library at home and I lend books to neighbors. I also grow vegetables in my backyard, and because our family cannot eat them all, I share extra produce and explain how to grow organic food.

建议: Give a direct topic sentence, then provide one specific reason or example. Avoid awkward phrasing and redundancy; use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas.

示例: My partner is the first person I tell because we share everything and I enjoy seeing his reaction. For example, when I get good news about work, I tell him first so we can celebrate together.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence and give one or two specific examples of what you share and why. Improve clarity and vocabulary ("climate change updates," "raise awareness"). Use correct grammar and explain any suggested actions clearly.

示例: I often share updates about climate change with my friends because I care about the environment. For instance, I send articles about local air quality and suggest simple actions, like planting trees or reducing AC use, to help reduce energy consumption.

× This is what taught by my grandmother and this was the one of the most important moral duty of us as a kid to share our things with each other among our sibling as well as among our friends so that we able to get a big heart and moreover.

✓ My grandmother taught me this, and it was one of the most important moral duties for us as children to share our things with our siblings and friends so that we could become more generous.

The original sentence misuses passive voice ('This is what taught by my grandmother') and has multiple agreement and word-order issues. Change to active voice ('My grandmother taught me') clarifies the agent. 'the one of the most important moral duty of us as a kid' has singular/plural and article errors; use 'one of the most important moral duties for us as children'. 'siblings' plural and 'so that we could become more generous' corrects tense and idiomatic expression.

× I run private clinic these days and I am a quality specialist so most of the things I am sharing uh, are my tips regarding healthy food and diet.

✓ I run a private clinic these days and I am a quality specialist, so most of the things I share are my tips about healthy food and diet.

Missing article 'a' before 'private clinic' (article error) and awkward present continuous 'I am sharing' where simple present 'I share' suits habitual actions. Also use 'tips about' instead of 'regarding' for natural phrasing.

× I love to educate people in my surrounding and secondly, I love to share my opinion on a different kind of product for free so that they remain healthy.

✓ I love to educate the people around me, and I also share my opinions about different products for free so they can stay healthy.

'in my surrounding' is awkward; use 'around me'. 'secondly' is unnecessary in spoken sentence; 'also' is more natural. 'opinion' should be plural 'opinions' and 'on a different kind of product' should be 'about different products'. 'remain healthy' -> 'stay healthy' is more idiomatic.

× Although there are number of things like clothing as well as personal bed covers because it can be a way of contamination.

✓ Although there are a number of things, such as clothing and personal bed covers, that are not suitable for sharing because they can spread contamination.

Missing article 'a' in 'a number of'. 'like' -> 'such as' for examples; rephrase to make relative clause 'that are not suitable' and use plural 'they can spread contamination' to agree with plural subject.

× Moreover, it is not suitable what you already using and sharing with other.

✓ Moreover, it is not suitable to share things you are already using with others.

Original uses wrong clause order and pronouns: 'what you already using' is ungrammatical; use infinitive 'to share' and correct continuous form 'you are already using' and plural 'others'.

× It is almost OK to share books, pens and advices with other but know the things that are very personal to you.

✓ It is usually okay to share books, pens, and advice with others, but know which things are very personal to you.

'advices' is incorrect (advice is uncountable). 'other' -> 'others'. 'know the things that are very personal to you' should be 'know which things are very personal to you' for clarity.

× Recently I have established a mini library in my home and I love to share my books and collection of different publication and I am growing lots of fruits and vegetable in backyard and moreover our own family cannot finish all those so I love to share and educating them about organic produce.

✓ Recently I established a mini library at my home and I love to share my books and collections of different publications. I grow many fruits and vegetables in my backyard, and our family cannot finish all of them, so I enjoy sharing and educating others about organic produce.

Multiple article and noun number errors: 'a mini library' OK but present perfect 'I have established' -> simple past 'I established' fits recent completed action; 'in my home' -> 'at my home' or 'in my home' both acceptable; 'collection of different publication' -> 'collections of different publications' or 'a collection of different publications'. 'growing lots of fruits and vegetable' -> 'grow many fruits and vegetables'. 'finish all those' -> 'finish all of them'. 'love to share and educating them' mixes forms; use parallel verbs 'enjoy sharing and educating others'.

× The 1st and most important person is my life partner to whom I share each and everything and whenever I had something new to tell him, I just grab the opportunity and share with him.

✓ The first and most important person is my life partner, with whom I share everything, and whenever I have something new to tell him, I seize the opportunity and tell him.

Use written form 'first'. Preposition and relative pronoun: 'to whom' -> 'with whom' is more natural. 'each and everything' -> 'everything'. Tense: 'whenever I had' should be present 'whenever I have'. 'I just grab the opportunity and share with him' -> 'I seize the opportunity and tell him' is idiomatic and consistent in tense.

× Moreover, I am interested to see his expression as well as perspective regarding that exciting things and my happiness become doubled by sharing.

✓ Moreover, I like to see his expression and hear his perspective about exciting things, and my happiness is doubled by sharing.

'interested to see' -> 'like to see' or 'interested in seeing'. 'that exciting things' incorrect article/number -> 'exciting things'. 'my happiness become doubled' -> subject-verb agreement and passive: 'my happiness is doubled'.

× I am really into environmental activities and love to share the news regarding climate change whenever I get any news on that and I love to spread it across all my people so that I can educate them about the changing in environment as well as to be prepared for the coming situation like by avoiding AC by plant.

✓ I am really into environmental activities and love to share news about climate change whenever I hear any, and I like to spread it among my community so I can educate them about environmental changes and help them prepare for future situations, for example by planting trees instead of relying on air conditioning.

Awkward phrasing and gerund use: 'get any news on that' -> 'hear any'. 'spread it across all my people' -> 'spread it among my community'. 'the changing in environment' -> 'environmental changes'. 'to be prepared for the coming situation like by avoiding AC by plant' is ungrammatical—rephrase to a clear example: 'for example by planting trees instead of relying on air conditioning'. Uses appropriate gerunds and infinitives and corrects noun forms.