分享— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be clearer and more natural: start with a direct topic sentence, correct grammar (e.g., "other children", "considerate"), avoid vague words like "generals." Add one specific example and link ideas with a connector. Keep to 2–4 sentences.

示例: Yes. My parents encouraged me to share toys and my favorite books when I was young. For example, I often lent board games to neighborhood kids, which helped me make friends and taught me to be considerate of others. As a result, I learned the value of generosity.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence and a specific reason with smoother linking. Fix grammar ("helps people feel happy", "shows I care"). Limit to 2–3 sentences and avoid repetition.

示例: I prefer to share food, especially small snacks like chocolates and candies. I usually offer one piece to friends because it cheers them up and shows that I care about them.

建议: Give a direct topic sentence and concise explanation. Use correct terms ("personal hygiene items", "toothbrush") and a linking phrase. Mention one clear reason and one short consequence.

示例: Personal hygiene items, such as toothbrushes, are not suitable for sharing. Because they carry bacteria, sharing them can spread infections, so it is important to keep such items personal.

建议: Use past simple consistently and correct grammar ("I recently shared", "we met"). Give a brief specific detail about the book and link events clearly. Keep within 2–3 sentences.

示例: Yes, I recently shared a novel with my closest friend because we both enjoy historical fiction. After we finished it, we met to discuss the author's main ideas and our favorite humorous scenes.

建议: Start with a concise topic sentence and use past tense for examples ("when I had difficulties"). Avoid repeating words like "advice"; combine phrases for fluency. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

示例: I would tell my mother first because she is very supportive and quick to respond. For example, when I had social difficulties, she gave practical, easy-to-follow advice that helped me overcome them.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence and organize supporting details with linking words. Correct grammar ("plot ideas that interest me", "we schedule"). Be specific about how you decide what to watch and keep it concise.

示例: We usually share news about new movies because we both like films. We discuss genres and plots that interest us, then choose films to watch together and schedule a time to go.

× Yes, my parents encouraged me to share with small toys and my favorite books with others children.

✓ Yes, my parents encouraged me to share small toys and my favorite books with other children.

Incorrect plural/singular and word order: 'with small toys' should be 'share small toys' and 'others children' is incorrect; use 'other children' (plural noun with adjective). Suggestion: place 'with' only when necessary (share X with Y) and use 'other' before 'children'.

× So I learned to be considerable with others and these habits helped me to make more friends easy and understand the importance of generals.

✓ So I learned to be considerate with others, and these habits helped me make friends more easily and understand the importance of general manners.

Word choice and adverb/adjective errors: 'considerable' is the wrong adjective; use 'considerate'. 'Make more friends easy' is ungrammatical — use 'make friends more easily' (adverb). 'the importance of generals' is incorrect word choice; likely 'general manners' or 'being generous'. Suggestion: choose precise vocabulary and place adverbs after verbs when describing manner.

× Sharing food is my first choice.

✓ Sharing food is my first choice.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable; no change needed. (Included for completeness.)

× I often share small snacks like chocolates and candies, giving a single piece to friends because they help people to feel happy and share shows my care to them.

✓ I often share small snacks like chocolates and candies, giving a single piece to friends because they help people feel happy, and sharing shows my care for them.

Multiple issues: 'help people to feel happy' — unnecessary 'to' after 'help'; 'share shows' should be 'sharing shows' (gerund), and 'care to them' should be 'care for them'. Suggestion: use gerunds for actions as nouns and correct prepositions ('for').

× A personal hygienism such as a toothbrush, it contains a lot of bacteria and not suitable for sharing, and sharing them can cause a spread of the infections and make people ill.

✓ Personal hygiene items such as a toothbrush contain a lot of bacteria and are not suitable for sharing, and sharing them can spread infections and make people ill.

Word choice errors: 'personal hygienism' is incorrect; use 'personal hygiene items'. Subject-verb agreement fixed: plural 'items' take 'contain' and 'are'. Remove unnecessary pronoun 'it'. 'a spread of the infections' should be 'spread infections' (no article). Suggestion: use correct noun phrases and match verbs to plural subjects.

× So it's important to maintain a personal hygiene items personal.

✓ So it's important to maintain personal hygiene items.

Redundant and ungrammatical phrase: 'a personal hygiene items personal' mixes singular article with plural noun and repeats 'personal'. Correction removes redundancy and fixes number. Suggestion: keep noun phrases consistent (article vs plural) and avoid repetition.

× Yes, I originally shared a book with my closest friend who had a similar reading preference.

✓ Yes, I recently shared a book with my closest friend who has a similar reading preference.

Tense and adverb choice: 'originally' is odd in this context; use 'recently'. Also, if the discussion is recent/present relevance, 'who has' (present) is better than 'had'. Suggestion: match adverb and tense to context and use present for lasting states (preferences).

× After we finished the book together, we meet to discuss the author's main ideas and some of the humorous things we all enjoyed.

✓ After we finished the book together, we met to discuss the author's main ideas and some of the humorous things we had enjoyed.

Tense consistency: 'finished' is past, so follow with past 'met'; 'we all enjoyed' could be past perfect 'had enjoyed' if referring to things enjoyed during reading, or simple past 'enjoyed'. Suggestion: keep past narration consistent (finished, met, enjoyed).

× My mother will be the first person I tell because she is the most supportive and always responds quickly.

✓ My mother is the first person I would tell because she is the most supportive and always responds quickly.

Modal/future nuance: Using 'will be' is awkward when speaking hypothetically about who you'd tell; 'would tell' or simple present 'is the first person I tell' is better. Suggestion: use 'would' for hypothetical situations and keep tense consistent.

× For example, when I made difficulties in social aspects, she gave me some approachable advice, practical advice that helped me to get through the difficulty.

✓ For example, when I had difficulties in social situations, she gave me some practical, approachable pieces of advice that helped me get through the difficulties.

Tense and word choice: 'made difficulties' is incorrect — use 'had difficulties'. 'social aspects' should be 'social situations'. 'approachable advice, practical advice' is repetitive; reorder as 'practical, approachable pieces of advice'. Remove unnecessary 'to' after 'helped me'. Suggestion: use natural collocations ('had difficulties', 'social situations') and avoid repetition.

× We usually share information about new movies because we both like films.

✓ We usually share information about new movies because we both like films.

Sentence is correct and appropriate in present tense; no change needed. (Included for completeness.)

× We discuss the genres, the plot ideas and some interested me we will want to watch together and sometimes we scheduled a time to see a movie.

✓ We discuss the genres, the plot, and some films that interest me or that we want to watch together, and sometimes we schedule a time to see a movie.

Multiple errors: 'plot ideas' awkward — use 'the plot'. 'some interested me we will want' is ungrammatical; correct to 'some films that interest me or that we want to watch together'. Tense consistency: 'scheduled' should be 'schedule' for habitual action. Suggestion: simplify list items and keep present tense for habitual actions.