教师— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be direct, correct basic grammar, and organize into 2–3 clear sentences: name the teacher, say what they teach, and give one specific reason with an example. Use linking words (because, so) to connect ideas and avoid repetition.

示例: Yes. My favorite teacher is my dance instructor at Just Dance because her expressive movements and clear feedback helped me improve quickly. For example, she showed me how to use facial expressions to convey emotion, so I now feel more confident performing.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence stating your goal, then explain why using specific details. Avoid filler words and repeat words. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use linking words (because, so, for example).

示例: Yes, I want to be a dance teacher in the future because I love helping children discover how fun dancing can be. For example, I would create simple games in class so beginners enjoy learning basic steps.

建议: Give a clear time reference and concise description: name the teacher or role, say when they taught you, and provide one specific lesson you remember. Use correct tense and reduce unclear phrases.

示例: Yes. I remember my first-grade teacher from London Primary School because he taught me both maths and important values. For example, he encouraged us to help classmates, which taught me to think about others’ feelings.

建议: Answer directly, then give a brief reason or plan. Avoid unclear phrases like “Troublemaker” without explanation and correct grammar. Limit to 2 sentences and use linking words (but, because).

示例: No, I am not in touch with them, but I would like to meet them someday because I feel I have matured since elementary school. I would tell them I appreciate their guidance and how it shaped me.

建议: Give a focused answer: state one main way the teacher helped you, then give a specific example. Use clear vocabulary (e.g., ‘respect older people’, ‘technique’) and avoid hesitations. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

示例: She helped me improve my dance technique and also taught me to respect older people. For instance, she encouraged me to listen carefully to senior performers and learn from their experience.

建议: Make your comparison clear: state which you prefer and give one or two specific reasons with examples. Avoid vague words like “weird” and repeated fillers. Use linking words (because, while, however).

示例: Yes, I prefer my primary school teachers because they were more supportive and understanding. For example, my primary teachers encouraged creativity, while some high school teachers often criticised students harshly for small mistakes.

× Yes, I have favorite feature.

✓ Yes, I have a favorite teacher.

The noun 'favorite teacher' needs the indefinite article 'a' before it; also 'feature' is a word choice error and should be 'teacher'. Use 'a' because this is one unspecified teacher among many.

× My favorite teacher is who teaches dance for me and I'm learning in Just Dance and my dad Just Dance teachers express expression is really impressive.

✓ My favorite teacher is the one who teaches me dance; I'm learning from Just Dance, and my dad's Just Dance teacher's expressions are really impressive.

Multiple structure issues: use 'the one who' to identify a person, 'teaches me dance' is correct word order, possessive 'my dad's Just Dance teacher' shows ownership, and noun agreement 'expressions are' matches plural. Also separate ideas with appropriate punctuation.

× So I really want to be like her and I wanna be like dance like her.

✓ So I really want to be like her and I want to dance like her.

Avoid incorrect insertion of 'like' twice and use the base verb 'dance' after 'want to' or the -ing form 'dancing' after 'like'. Here 'want to dance' is correct. Use formal 'want to' instead of 'wanna'.

× I want to be a dance teacher in the future and my dream is to be a teacher like her.

✓ I want to be a dance teacher in the future, and my dream is to be a teacher like her.

Sentence is mostly correct but needs a comma before the conjunction to join two independent clauses. Tense and meaning are appropriate for future aspirations.

× So like I wanna teach children that dance is how how dance is really fun thing and umm like I wanna be like part.

✓ I want to teach children that dancing is really fun, and I want to be part of that.

Remove filler words, correct 'dance is how how dance is really fun thing' to 'dancing is really fun', and replace vague 'be like part' with 'be part of that'. Use consistent formal forms: 'want to' and gerund 'dancing'.

× Since my eye grid locator I still remember is on the teacher when I was on a London first school 1st grade and he was he taught me so much about not only about the math, he taught me about how to live for others like to how to think of others.

✓ I still remember a teacher from my first year at a London primary school; he taught me not only math but also how to live for others and how to think about other people.

Original has incoherent phrases ('eye grid locator') and incorrect prepositions. Use 'from my first year at a London primary school' and parallel structure 'not only... but also'. 'How to live for others' and 'how to think about other people' are clearer.

× No, I don't. And but I want to meet them and tell them that I'm really matured this much and like I always really like Troublemaker when I was elementary school, so I want to tell them that I'm really matured.

✓ No, I'm not. But I want to meet them and tell them that I have matured a lot; I was a troublemaker in elementary school, so I want to tell them I've really matured.

'I don't' is vague; 'I'm not' (in touch) is clearer. 'Matured' is a past participle; use 'have matured' for present relevance. 'This much' is informal and unclear. Use 'a troublemaker' and correct tense with contraction 'I've'.

× Uh, my favorite feature, my dash teacher helped me with not only teaching dancing, she told me so much how to live with like umm the elder.

✓ My favorite teacher helped me not only with teaching dance, but she also taught me how to live with older people.

Replace 'feature' with 'teacher', 'dash' removed, and use 'teaching dance' not 'teaching dancing'. 'The elder' is incorrect; use 'older people' or 'the elderly'. Use parallel structure 'not only... but also'.

× Well I mean like older people than me, like who is like great teacher or something.

✓ I mean older people than me, like a great teacher or someone like that.

Use 'older people than me' correctly; 'who is like great teacher' is ungrammatical—use 'a great teacher' or 'someone like that'. Maintain noun phrases rather than incorrect relative clauses.

× Yes, because in my high school, like there's a lot of like weird teachers.

✓ Yes, because in my high school there are a lot of weird teachers.

Use 'there are' for plural subjects (teachers) and remove filler words. 'A lot of weird teachers' needs 'are' to match plural existence.

× I mean like some teachers tell us like. Really like scold scolded to me when I was using smartphone in free time like that was still free time but.

✓ Some teachers scolded me when I used my smartphone during free time, even though it was still free time.

Use past tense 'scolded' and 'used' for past events. Remove duplicated 'scold' and correct 'scolded to me' to 'scolded me'. Use 'during free time' for time expression and avoid fillers.