视图— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence (yes/no preference), then give one or two specific supporting details. Remove filler words like “uh” and avoid repeating phrases. Use linking words such as “however” or “because” to make the sentence flow logically.

示例: Yes, I used to enjoy taking photos, especially of people, art and cultural events when I was at university. However, I rarely take pictures now because my current work schedule is very busy, so I have little free time for photography.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then briefly compare with one specific example from the other option. Avoid repetition and filler phrases like “you know” and duplicate words. Use a linking word like “while” or “whereas” to contrast the two types of views.

示例: I prefer rural views because they offer natural scenery such as mountains, lakes and vivid sunrises and sunsets, whereas urban areas mainly feature skyscrapers and architectural designs.

建议: Start with a clear statement of preference, then support it with two specific examples from different regions. Avoid vague phrases and filler words, and correct awkward or incorrect expressions (e.g., “valleys purview” is wrong). Use linking words like “for example” and “also” to structure details coherently.

示例: I prefer views in my own country, India, because it offers great variety. For example, Kashmir has stunning mountains and clear lakes, and the southern coast has beautiful beaches with spectacular sunsets.

× I used to love taking pictures, uh, when I was in college back then, I used to take pictures, not of uh, views actually, but more of people, art and different cultures.

✓ I used to love taking pictures when I was in college; I used to photograph people, art, and different cultures.

The original sentence repeats 'used to take pictures' and uses informal fillers. 'Photograph' is a clearer verb; lists require commas between items. Keep continuous '-ing' with 'love' is acceptable but simplify to avoid redundancy.

× But uh, due to the busy schedule and busy life right now, it seems almost pretty difficult to take pictures right now.

✓ But due to my busy schedule and life right now, it is quite difficult to take pictures.

The phrase 'seems almost pretty difficult' is awkward and contains redundant modifiers. Use simple present 'is' for current situation and remove repeated 'right now'.

× I think rural areas have much more beautiful views rather than urban, urban areas.

✓ I think rural areas have much more beautiful views than urban areas.

Use 'more ... than' for comparisons; 'rather than' is incorrect here. Remove repeated 'urban'.

× You know, urban areas might have the skyscrapers or the beautiful designs of these buildings, but if we go to the rural areas we can see the mountains and lakes and you know the the best scenic views, the sunsets and sunrises.

✓ Urban areas might have skyscrapers and beautiful building designs, but in rural areas we can see mountains, lakes, and the best scenic views such as sunsets and sunrises.

Fix article usage and word order: drop 'the' before 'skyscrapers', use parallel structure with 'and', and replace colloquial 'you know' with clearer phrasing. Remove duplicate 'the'.

× Preferably, I love views in India.

✓ I prefer the views in India.

'Preferably' is an adverb meaning 'if possible' and is misused; use 'prefer' to express preference. Also use definite article with 'views in India' when specific.

× I think India has the most incredible views across, you know, the territory.

✓ I think India has some of the most incredible views across its territory.

Replace informal 'you know' and correct preposition 'across its territory'. Use 'some of the most' to avoid absolute claim and add possessive 'its'.

× If we go to Kashmir, we have beautiful mountains and lakes and you know, the valleys purview the most beautiful right now.

✓ If we go to Kashmir, we see beautiful mountains and lakes, and the valleys are among the most beautiful.

'Valleys purview' is incorrect phrase; use 'valleys are among the most beautiful'. Remove 'you know' and 'right now' which are unnecessary.

× And if we go to town South, we have oceans and sunsets.

✓ And if we go to the south of the country, we can see the ocean and beautiful sunsets.

'Town South' is unclear; use 'the south' or 'the south of the country'. Use singular 'ocean' or 'the ocean' when referring generally; add adjective 'beautiful' to describe sunsets and adjust word order.