旅行— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons or an example. Avoid repetition and unfinished sentences. Use linking words (for example, but, so) to connect ideas. Keep it under five sentences.

示例: Yes, I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy observing the changing scenery. For example, on long trips I like to watch the countryside and city streets pass by, so I don’t want to miss interesting views. Sometimes I also take a quick photo if something catches my eye.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then support it with a specific reason and an example. Remove repetition and complete thoughts. Use linking words (because, so, for example).

示例: I prefer to take videos rather than photos when travelling because photos often come out blurry in a moving vehicle. For example, on a highway trip I record a short clip of the coastline so I can rewatch the whole scene later.

建议: Start with a direct statement of preference, then give two clear, specific reasons. Avoid repetition and complete your sentences. Use linking words (because, so, although) to connect reasons.

示例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy the light and the open views on the beach. Also, I find coastal air more relaxing, whereas mountains can be crowded with insects, which I dislike.

× And yes, I enjoy looking out the window when traveling by bus or caught on.

✓ Yes, I enjoy looking out the window when traveling by bus or car.

This sentence contains an incorrect phrase 'caught on' and an unnecessary leading 'And'. The correct word is 'car' to match the question. Remove 'And' at the start; begin with 'Yes'. Keep verb form 'enjoy looking' to match present habitual action.

× Although I I sometimes really want to have a snap.

✓ Sometimes I really want to take a snapshot.

The sentence has a redundant 'Although' that creates a fragment and a repeated 'I I'. Use 'Sometimes' to express frequency and 'take a snapshot' as the correct collocation. This produces a complete sentence.

× I worried about I missed missed some views.

✓ I'm worried that I might miss some views.

The original uses past tense 'worried' and repeats words, producing incorrect time reference. The situation is general/future during travel, so present 'I'm worried' and modal 'might miss' express possibility. Remove repeated 'missed'.

× As a result I I usually wake up and.

✓ As a result, I usually wake up to look at them.

The sentence is incomplete and repeats 'I'. Add a purpose clause 'to look at them' to finish the thought and include a comma after 'As a result' for clarity.

× I'm actually instead of taking photos, I prefer to take a video because when I move when I am moving the the photos usually it is unclear and as a result as a result if I can capture.

✓ Actually, instead of taking photos, I prefer to take a video because when I move the photos usually turn out unclear, and with a video I can capture the view.

This sentence has repeated words ('when I move when I am moving', 'the the', 'as a result as a result'), incorrect word order ('photos usually it is unclear'), and an incomplete ending. Simplify to 'when I move the photos usually turn out unclear' and finish with the benefit 'with a video I can capture the view.' Use commas to separate clauses.

× And for me, I prefer the sea because I really enjoying light on the beach and and enjoy the sea view because for me the mountain is usually have some insects, insects which is.

✓ I prefer the sea because I really enjoy the light on the beach and the sea view; the mountains usually have insects.

This sentence has an unnecessary leading 'And', repeated 'and', incorrect verb form 'enjoying' (should be 'enjoy' to match present simple preference), and awkward structure 'is usually have some insects'. Change 'is usually have' to 'usually have'. Remove repetitions and combine ideas with a semicolon or separate sentences.