建筑— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and avoid fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail and a linking word. Also correct small grammar issues (e.g., say “I live near downtown” without “like”).

示例: Yes. I live near downtown Winnipeg, so I can often see several tall buildings from my room. For example, there is a 20‑storey office tower right across the street, which is especially visible at night because of its lights.

建议: Use natural verbs (e.g., “take photos”), avoid repetitive fillers like “like” and correct word order. Give one clear reason and a specific example using a linking word such as “but” or “because.”

示例: Not really. I don’t usually take photos of buildings because I prefer photographing parks and museum exhibits; for instance, I often take pictures of sculptures and colorful gardens when I visit a park.

建议: Begin with a clear affirmative sentence naming the building, then give a specific reason and connect ideas with linking words. Avoid hesitations and correct word order (‘very a good’ → ‘a very nice’).

示例: Yes, I would like to visit the CN Tower in Toronto because friends who went last year said the observation deck offers quiet, impressive views at height. Therefore, I hope to go there next year to see the city from above.

建议: Give one concise topic sentence, remove filler words, and streamline details. Use clear linking words (“because” and “so”) and correct repetition and prepositions (e.g., “live on the 13th floor”). Add a specific image or reason to make it vivid.

示例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because living on the 13th or 15th floor would give me a great view of the city skyline and beautiful sunsets from my window, which I find relaxing.

× No, I don't like to click pictures of building, but I do click pictures for like the parks or the any attractive things like in I can see in museums.

✓ No, I don't like to click pictures of buildings, but I do take pictures of parks or other attractive things that I can see in museums.

The noun 'building' should be plural 'buildings' after 'pictures of' (count noun) and 'the any attractive things' is incorrect; use 'other attractive things' or 'attractive things'. Also 'click pictures' is nonstandard; 'take pictures' is the natural collocation. Suggestion: Use plural for countable nouns when referring generally, replace awkward phrases with 'other' and use 'take pictures'.

× So I usually click pictures of that kind of things.

✓ So I usually take pictures of that kind of thing.

'That kind of' should be followed by a singular noun ('thing') not plural; 'click pictures' is nonstandard—use 'take pictures'. Also keep agreement between 'kind of' and noun. Suggestion: Use 'that kind of thing' and 'take pictures'.

× Yeah, there is one building in Toronto like the CN Tower.

✓ Yeah, there is one building in Toronto, like the CN Tower.

Missing comma improves clarity. More natural phrasing could be 'There is a building in Toronto called the CN Tower.' Suggestion: Use commas for appositives or rephrase to 'a building called'.

× So last year my friends visited there and they told me it's very a good place and it's quieter and or quiet at height.

✓ Last year my friends visited it and they told me it was a very good place and that it was quiet at heights.

Reported speech about past events requires past tense ('told me it was'). 'Visited there' is unnatural: use 'visited it' or 'went there'. 'Very a good' has incorrect article/adverb order; 'a very good' is correct. 'Quieter and or quiet at height' is unclear; 'quiet at heights' or 'quieter at high levels' is better. Suggestion: Use past tense consistently in reported speech, correct article order, and rephrase awkward comparative/adverb phrases.

× So I also wanna visit that building. Uh, might be the next year.

✓ So I also want to visit that building. Maybe next year.

'wanna' is informal; use 'want to'. 'Might be the next year' is ungrammatical standalone; 'Maybe next year' or 'I might visit next year' is correct. Suggestion: Use 'want to' in formal speech and express possibility with 'maybe' or 'I might'.

× Yeah, I would like to live in a tall building because like if I live in a live on like floor 13 or 15 floors, so I can enjoy the city view from my window and I can also enjoy the sunset through the through my apartment or build the building.

✓ Yeah, I would like to live in a tall building because if I live on the 13th or 15th floor, I can enjoy the city view from my window and the sunset from my apartment.

Remove redundant words ('live in a live on like'). Use ordinal numbers for floors ('13th or 15th floor'). 'Through the through my apartment or build the building' is ungrammatical; use 'from my apartment'. Maintain correct prepositions ('live on the floor', 'sunset from my apartment'). Suggestion: Use ordinals for floors, remove redundancies, and use correct prepositions 'on' for floors and 'from' for views.'