走路— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Correct factual errors (work → walk) and shorten redundancy. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one concise supporting detail with a linking word. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., “during the school term” rather than “school year” if meant) and avoid repeating ideas.

示例: I don't walk a lot during the school term because I have little free time. However, during long vacations my family and I often explore Tokyo on foot, which I enjoy because it lets me discover new neighbourhoods and local food.

建议: Improve grammar and clarity (city's → city's biggest park; stall → stroll). Use one linking phrase to connect reasons and a specific example of a memory. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

示例: Yes, I often went for walks as a child because my parents loved walking. For example, we usually visited the city’s biggest park every Sunday where we would stroll along the paths and sometimes feed the dogs.

建议: Fix word choice errors (deluxe → relax). Use linking words (for example, therefore) appropriately and avoid repeating the same idea. Add a specific sensory detail to make your answer more vivid.

示例: People like walking in parks because the trees and fresh air help them relax and recharge. For example, when I walk among the trees I can hear birds and feel calmer, so I return home more focused and productive.

建议: Remove hesitations (“Umm”) and correct place names (Shevia unclear — check spelling; perhaps ‘Shibuya’). Begin with a clear topic sentence and give one or two precise reasons with linking words. Avoid vague phrases like “unfamiliar phrases.”

示例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk around Asakusa and Shibuya in Tokyo with my family because Asakusa has historic streets and Shibuya is lively with cafés and people-watching, which would make the walk interesting and memorable.

建议: This answer is generally clear and specific. Improve phrasing (tried a small street food store → tried street food at a small stall) and use one linking word to show result. Keep sentences concise and avoid filler words like “just.”

示例: Last weekend my family and I walked around Odaiba to explore the waterfront. We met a few friendly locals and tried street food at a small stall, which made the day even more memorable.

× I don't often work a lot during the school year because I don't have enough free time to do so.

✓ I don't often walk a lot during the school year because I don't have enough free time to do so.

The original sentence uses 'work' which is likely a typo for 'walk' given the question. This is not an article error but a word choice error; however, within the provided grammar categories the closest correction is to replace the wrong word. Replace incorrect lexical item 'work' with 'walk' to match the context of walking and the question asked.

× We typically visited the cities biggest park once a week where we would stall along the path and feed the dogs.

✓ We typically visited the city's biggest park once a week where we would stroll along the path and feed the dogs.

There are two errors: missing possessive apostrophe for 'city's' (singular possessive) and 'stall' is incorrect; 'stroll' (a verb meaning walk slowly) fits the context. The possessive form shows the park belongs to the city. Use 'stroll' instead of 'stall'.

× I think people enjoy walking in a park because being surrounded by trees and fresh air helps them deluxe and recharge after a busy day.

✓ I think people enjoy walking in a park because being surrounded by trees and fresh air helps them relax and recharge after a busy day.

The verb 'deluxe' is incorrect (not a verb). The intended meaning is 'relax.' Use 'relax' which fits present tense and parallel structure with 'recharge.' Ensure correct verb choice to convey intended meaning.

× For example, when I walk in a park, I can clear my mind and organize my thoughts, which makes me feel more productive during the rest of the day.

✓ For example, when I walk in a park, I can clear my mind and organize my thoughts, which makes me feel more productive for the rest of the day.

Use 'for the rest of the day' rather than 'during the rest of the day' to sound more natural. This is a prepositional collocation preference: 'for the rest of' is idiomatic.

× If I had a chance, I would try to explore Tokyo on foot with my family.

✓ If I had the chance, I would try to explore Tokyo on foot with my family.

Use the definite article 'the' in 'the chance' in this conditional expression; 'the chance' is the idiomatic phrase when imagining a specific opportunity.

× Umm. I want to visit Asakusa and Shevia, which is very famous place UMM.

✓ Umm. I want to visit Asakusa and Shevia, which are very famous places.

Agreement and article errors: 'which' refers to two places, so use plural verb 'are' and plural noun 'places'. Include appropriate plural form to match the plural subject.

× I enjoy discovering unfamiliar phrases and meeting new people there because those encounters make a walk more memorable.

✓ I enjoy discovering unfamiliar places and meeting new people there because those encounters make a walk more memorable.

'Phrases' is incorrect in context; likely intended 'places.' This is a word choice error (lexical). Replace with 'places' to convey the intended meaning of new locations.

× I walked to Odaiba in Tokyo with my family last weekend because we just wanted to explore some unfamiliar places and enjoy the waterfront.

✓ I went to Odaiba in Tokyo with my family last weekend because we just wanted to explore some unfamiliar places and enjoy the waterfront.

'Walked to Odaiba' may be acceptable if emphasis is on walking, but 'went to Odaiba' is more natural for describing visiting a district. Both past simple verbs are used; this suggestion prefers 'went' to sound natural. Keep past tense consistent.

× We met a few friendly locals and tried a small street food store which made the day more memorable for all of us.

✓ We met a few friendly locals and tried a small street-food stall, which made the day more memorable for all of us.

'Tried a small street food store' is incorrect collocation. Use 'tried a small street-food stall' or 'tried street food at a small stall.' Hyphenate 'street-food' when used as a compound adjective. Add comma before 'which' for nonrestrictive clause.