Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Give a direct topic sentence answering the question first, avoid repetition, fix grammar and reduce hesitations. Add one or two specific supporting details with linking words to make the answer coherent. Keep it under five sentences.

Exemplo: When I was a child, I didn’t enjoy going to parks because they were usually too crowded. For example, my cousin once insisted on going and I remember feeling overwhelmed by running children and loud noise, so I preferred quieter activities at home.

Sugestão: Start with a clear topic sentence and add a brief reason and one specific example to support it. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' correctly and avoid repeating phrasing from previous answers.

Exemplo: No, I don’t often go to parks now because I’m uncomfortable in crowded places. For instance, I usually choose to relax at home or visit a quiet café instead, so I can unwind without the noise.

Sugestão: Answer directly whether you would like more parks, then give balanced supporting details: mention positives and negatives using linking words (however, but, for example). Correct unclear words and be concise.

Exemplo: I appreciate having many parks in my neighbourhood, but I wouldn’t necessarily want more because they often get crowded. For example, parks here fill up between 3 and 5 pm when the weather cools, which makes them less relaxing.

Sugestão: Directly answer the question (yes or no) and if yes, name a specific park or type of park and why; if no, briefly explain. Avoid repetition and unfinished sentences; finish your ideas and keep it concise.

Exemplo: I don’t plan to visit local parks because I find them too crowded and overwhelming. However, if I travel abroad I might visit famous parks or botanical gardens to experience different landscapes and cultures.

× I don't usually like to go to parks because it's so crowded and there are a lot of children running around and I just feel like it's so over stimulating.

✓ I didn't usually like going to parks because they were so crowded and there were a lot of children running around, and I just felt that it was overstimulating.

The student is describing a childhood habit, so past tense should be used (verb tense issue). Use plural 'they' for parks and past continuous/participial forms for consistency. 'Overstimulating' is one word and using 'felt that it was' improves formality. Suggestion: Use past simple or past continuous for past habits and ensure verb forms match, e.g., 'I didn't usually like going to parks because they were so crowded.'

× But for example when I when I went to the park because my cousin wants to play in the park.

✓ For example, I went to the park because my cousin wanted to play there.

Original has repetition, incomplete clause, and mixed tenses. Replace repeated phrase, use past tense 'wanted' to match past context, and avoid redundancy by using 'there' instead of repeating 'in the park'. Suggestion: Keep clauses complete and maintain consistent tense: 'I went to the park because my cousin wanted to play there.'

× I don't like to go to parks now because as I've matured I realize that I don't like going to places with a lot of people, so I tend to just stay at home.

✓ I don't like going to parks now because as I've matured I have realized that I don't enjoy being in crowded places, so I tend to stay at home.

Mix of verb forms: 'don't like to go' is acceptable but 'don't like going' is more natural for habits. 'I've matured I realize' should be 'I've matured, I have realized' or simply 'I've realized'. Use 'being in crowded places' for clarity. Suggestion: Use consistent present perfect when referring to change up to now and prefer gerund after 'like': 'I don't like going to parks now.'

× Here in our receipt there are a lot of parks already, and even here in our barangay you can see a lot of parks.

✓ Here in our district there are already a lot of parks, and even in our barangay you can see many parks.

The word 'receipt' is incorrect in this context (wrong word choice/preposition). Use 'district' or 'city' depending on meaning. Also 'already' placement and 'many' is a better quantifier for countable plural. Preposition 'in' is correct for locations. Suggestion: Use appropriate location noun and 'many' with plural nouns: 'Here in our district there are already many parks.'

× And of course it's crowded and especially during 3:00 PM up until 5:00 because it's not that hot anymore.

✓ And of course it's crowded, especially from 3:00 PM until 5:00, because it's not so hot then.

Use 'from... until' for time ranges rather than 'during... up until'. 'So' is more natural than 'that' in this context and add 'then' for temporal reference. Also add commas for clarity. Suggestion: Say 'especially from 3:00 PM until 5:00' for clear time ranges.

× As I've mentioned earlier, I don't like to go to parks because it's so crowded and that it feels so overstimulating, so I prefer not to go in the park.

✓ As I mentioned earlier, I don't like going to parks because they are so crowded and feel overstimulating, so I prefer not to go to parks.

Maintain tense consistency: 'As I've mentioned earlier' can be simplified to past 'As I mentioned earlier'. Use plural 'parks' and gerund 'going'. Remove redundant 'that' and avoid singular 'the park' when speaking generally. Suggestion: Use consistent form: 'I don't like going to parks because they are crowded and overstimulating.'

× But if I travel outside the country, of course, it's nice to see what their.

✓ But if I travel outside the country, of course it's nice to see what their parks are like.

Original sentence is incomplete and ends with incorrect possessive 'their' without a noun. Add the noun 'parks' and complete the clause with 'are like' to describe them. Suggestion: Complete the idea by specifying the noun and verb: 'it's nice to see what their parks are like.'