History— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid unnecessary clauses, and use proper verb forms and articles. Mentioning specific topics is good — make them precise and use linking words to connect ideas.

예시: Yes. I studied history regularly in 7th grade when we had weekly lessons. My teacher covered topics such as World War I, World War II and the history of Switzerland, which helped me understand different periods and events.

제안: Start with a direct topic sentence, correct word order and article use, and use a linking word to show addition. Be specific about the kinds of programs or resources and avoid redundant phrases like “also” with “additionally.”

예시: I mainly learn history in school through lessons and textbooks. Additionally, I watch documentary series and historical programs on TV, which explain events clearly and make them more interesting to follow.

제안: Begin with a concise topic sentence, then give two clear, specific benefits with linking words and examples. Avoid vague phrases like “different religions” without context; instead specify what you mean and how history explains behavior or rituals.

예시: Learning history helps us understand why people and communities behave the way they do because it reveals past events and influences. Furthermore, it teaches us about cultural rituals and traditions, for example how religious festivals developed and what they signify today.

제안: Give a direct opinion sentence, then support it with specific reasons and a short example. Avoid vague endings like “know a bit about”; instead explain what learning history changes or helps you do today.

예시: Yes, I believe history is important because it provides insight into different cultures and the traditions that shaped modern life. For instance, knowing the historical roots of holidays or laws helps us understand contemporary social values and avoid repeating past mistakes.

× Yes, when I was in 7th grade we had weekly history classes and my teacher at the time, he talked about different topics.

✓ Yes, when I was in 7th grade we had weekly history classes and my teacher at the time talked about different topics.

The original sentence uses an extra subject 'he' after 'my teacher', causing a subject redundancy and incorrect third person singular structure. Remove the redundant 'he' so the clause correctly has a single subject ('my teacher') followed by the past tense verb 'talked'. Suggestion: Do not repeat the subject; use 'my teacher talked' rather than 'my teacher, he talked'.

× For example we had the World War One and two and this also the history of Switzerland.

✓ For example, we learned about World War One and World War Two, and also the history of Switzerland.

The sentence is ungrammatical and unclear: 'had the World War One and two' and 'this also the history' are incorrect structures. Use 'learned about' to show studying topics and name the wars consistently, and connect ideas with 'and also'. Suggestion: Use clear verbs like 'learned about' and parallel nouns: 'World War One and World War Two'.

× Most of my history knowledge I learned while attending my history classes in school.

✓ Most of my history knowledge I learned by attending my history classes in school.

The intended meaning is that attending classes was the means of learning; English uses 'by' + verb-ing to show means. 'While attending' is not wrong but can imply simultaneous action; 'by attending' is clearer. Also consider more natural word order: 'I learned most of my history in school by attending history classes.' Suggestion: Use 'by attending' to indicate method and consider reordering for natural flow.

× Additionally, I also watch sometimes TV program which explains historical events quite well and is interesting to follow.

✓ Additionally, I also sometimes watch TV programs that explain historical events quite well and are interesting to follow.

Several article and number issues: 'TV program' should be plural 'TV programs' if speaking generally, and 'which' vs 'that'—'that' is more natural for defining clauses. Also place 'sometimes' in a natural position. Match verb number: 'programs that explain... and are interesting'. Suggestion: Use plural when generalizing, place adverbs naturally ('also sometimes watch'), and ensure relative pronoun and verb agreement.

× In my opinion, one of the benefits of learning history is that it's easier to understand why people or different religions react the way they do.

✓ In my opinion, one of the benefits of learning history is that it's easier to understand why people and different religions react the way they do.

Using 'or' between 'people' and 'different religions' creates ambiguity and an unnatural contrast. Use 'and' to include both groups. Pronoun 'they' correctly refers back to both groups; keep plural agreement. Suggestion: Use 'and' to list groups you mean to include together.

× In addition, you also learn about rituals they practice.

✓ In addition, you also learn about the rituals they practice.

The sentence omits the article before 'rituals'; adding 'the' specifies the rituals practiced by the groups mentioned. Pronoun 'they' is acceptable if it clearly refers to the previously mentioned groups (people and religions). Suggestion: Include the definite article 'the' when referring to specific rituals previously implied.

× Yes, I think learning history is very important because you get a basic understanding about different cultures and about different traditions which shaped the way that people live nowadays.

✓ Yes, I think learning history is very important because you gain a basic understanding of different cultures and traditions which have shaped the way people live nowadays.

Problems: 'get a basic understanding about' should be 'gain a basic understanding of'. Repetition of 'about' is unnecessary. 'Which shaped' needs present perfect 'have shaped' because traditions shaped the present over time. 'The way that people live' can be simplified to 'the way people live'. Suggestion: Use 'understanding of', avoid repeating 'about', and use present perfect to link past actions to the present.

× So it's quite important to know a bit about.

✓ So it's quite important to know a bit about them.

The sentence ends with a preposition and lacks an object: 'about' needs an object (what to know about). Add 'them' to refer to the previously mentioned cultures and traditions, or restate 'about history' or 'about different cultures and traditions'. Suggestion: Always provide a clear object after prepositions like 'about'; e.g., 'know a bit about them' or 'know a bit about history'.