History— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is relevant and informative but a bit long and repetitive. Begin with a concise topic sentence, then add 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words to improve coherence. Avoid repeating the same idea (e.g., development and freedom) more than once.

예시: Yes — I have studied the history of my country. For example, I read several books that explain colonial rule and the independence movement, which helped me understand how our society and institutions developed after independence.

제안: The response lists methods but is slightly repetitive and uses weak linking. Start with a clear topic sentence, then briefly list methods using linking words (for example, 'also' or 'in addition'), and include a specific example of a book or video to strengthen content.

예시: I learn history mainly by reading books and watching documentary videos. For example, I read a book about the independence movement and watched a documentary about recent political changes, and in addition I sometimes learn from lectures or teachers.

제안: Good ideas and clear reasons are provided. Improve by tightening language (avoid small grammatical errors) and using one linking phrase to connect points. Add a concrete example to make the benefit more specific.

예시: Learning history helps us understand why society is the way it is today. For example, by studying past economic policies we can see the causes of current inequality, which helps policymakers avoid repeating the same mistakes and fosters a stronger connection to our cultural roots.

제안: Your answer is clear and gives examples, but there are minor grammar issues and slight repetition of ideas. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give two distinct supporting points using linking words (for instance, 'first' and 'second'), and provide one concrete example or result.

예시: Yes, I believe history is important. First, it strengthens our sense of identity by teaching national traditions — for instance, learning about independence-day events connects me to my heritage. Second, it helps prevent repeated mistakes by explaining the causes of current social problems.

× Yes, I studied the history of my country and read several books that made me learn new things about my country and how the colonizers took our country from us and how our ancestors fought for our freedom and how my country has developed today.

✓ Yes, I studied the history of my country and read several books that taught me new things about how colonizers took our country from us, how our ancestors fought for our freedom, and how my country has developed to the present day.

Several verbs and expressions were awkwardly combined. 'Made me learn' is unnatural when describing gaining knowledge; use 'taught me' or 'helped me learn'. Maintain parallel structure when listing ('how colonizers took..., how our ancestors fought..., and how my country has developed...'). Change 'developed today' to 'developed to the present day' for clarity and correct tense usage. Suggestion: Use 'taught me' for past learning and keep parallel forms in lists.

× I learned history through reading several books that are related to my country's history and other books that are related to the present events today.

✓ I learned history by reading several books about my country's past and other books about current events.

Mixes past tense 'learned' with present-tense relative clauses 'are related'. Use consistent tense: past learning -> use simple past or adapt clause to past perspective. Also 'through reading' is acceptable but 'by reading' is more natural. 'Present events today' is redundant; use 'current events'. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent and avoid redundancy.

× That makes me learn more about that said history.

✓ That helped me learn more about that history.

'That said history' is an incorrect and awkward pronoun/adjective construction. Also tense should match previous sentence: past learning -> 'helped me learn'. Replace with 'that history' or 'the history mentioned'. Suggestion: Use clear demonstratives ('that history' or 'the history') and align tenses.

× I also learned history from videos and someone teaching me.

✓ I also learned history from videos and from being taught by others.

Original phrase 'someone teaching me' is informal and structurally awkward. Use 'being taught by others' or 'from teachers' to form a parallel structure with 'from videos'. Suggestion: Keep parallel prepositional phrases and prefer more precise expressions.

× Learning history helps us get inside into why our society is the way it is today.

✓ Learning history helps us understand why our society is the way it is today.

'Get inside into' is not a correct English expression. The intended meaning is 'understand'. Replace the phrase with 'understand' for clarity and correctness. Suggestion: Use common verbs like 'understand' for clarity.

× By studying the past and their causes, we can understand the current problems and avoid repeating the same mistakes all over again.

✓ By studying the past and its causes, we can understand current problems and avoid repeating the same mistakes.

'Their causes' incorrectly refers to 'the past' (singular); use 'its causes'. Also 'all over again' is redundant with 'repeating'; drop redundancy. 'The current problems' can be 'current problems' unless referring to specific ones. Suggestion: Ensure pronoun agreement in number and avoid redundancy.

× Yes, it is important to learn history because it is strengthened such sense of identity.

✓ Yes, it is important to learn history because it strengthens our sense of identity.

The original uses passive and an incorrect structure 'it is strengthened such sense of identity'. Use active voice: 'it strengthens our sense of identity'. Also add possessive 'our' to specify whose sense of identity. Suggestion: Prefer active structures and correct possessive pronouns.

× And by studying the past, it can explain the current problems and avoid repeating the same mistakes.

✓ And by studying the past, we can explain current problems and avoid repeating the same mistakes.

'By studying the past, it can explain...' has a dangling subject: 'it' has no clear antecedent. Use 'we' as the subject who can explain problems. Also remove 'the' before 'current problems' unless specific. Suggestion: Ensure subjects are clear and match the verb.