Dreams— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the response clearer and more natural by using a direct topic sentence, correcting grammar, removing redundancies, and adding one specific detail. Keep it within 3–4 sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, “so” or “therefore”).

예시: Yes, I remember my childhood dream clearly: I wanted to become a dentist to help people in need and be financially independent. Because of that, I am currently studying hard for my exams to qualify as a dentist. I hope to start practicing in a community clinic after graduation.

제안: Provide a concise topic sentence answering the question, remove filler words (uh), correct verb forms, and finish the thought. Add one clear reason or example of how your brother influences you. Use a linking word like “because” or “so”.

예시: Yes, I often share and discuss dreams with my brother because he inspires me. He studies long hours and volunteers at a dental clinic, so I follow his example and try to plan my studies similarly. As a result, we exchange tips and motivate each other.

제안: Start with a clear opinion sentence, fix grammar (subject-verb agreement), avoid repetition, and give one specific reason or brief example explaining why dreams matter. Use linking words such as “because” and “therefore”.

예시: Yes, I think dreams are important because they give people direction and motivation. For example, my dream of becoming a dentist helps me prioritize studying and volunteer work, so I stay focused on long-term goals.

제안: Answer directly and concisely, correct repetition and awkward phrasing, and include one specific action you are taking now and a short future plan. Limit to 2–3 sentences to sound natural.

예시: Yes, I definitely want to make my dream come true and I am preparing by studying for my exams. After I qualify, I plan to work as a dentist at MHS and gain experience in community dentistry.

× Yes, I completely remember the train which I used to have in my childhood was to become a doctor or a dentist and to help the people who are needy and to be independent.

✓ Yes, I completely remember the dream I had in my childhood: it was to become a doctor or a dentist, to help people in need, and to be independent.

The original sentence uses incorrect tense and word choice: 'train' is a typo for 'dream', 'used to have in my childhood' is awkward with 'remember' and should be 'dream I had in my childhood'. Run-on structure needed punctuation and parallel list form. 'the people who are needy' is better as 'people in need'. Use infinitive parallelism 'to become..., to help..., and to be...'.

× Yes, I am interested uh, more in my brother's dream because I get influenced by him so much.

✓ Yes, I am more interested in my brother's dream because I am greatly influenced by him.

Word order 'interested more in' should be 'more interested in'. Informal filler 'uh' removed. 'I get influenced by him so much' is non-idiomatic; use 'I am greatly influenced by him' for correct passive and adverb placement.

× He is a very hardworking guy who always work uh, hard to become a very good, uh, dental practitioner.

✓ He is a very hardworking person who always works hard to become a very good dental practitioner.

Subject-verb agreement: with third person singular 'who' referring to 'he', verb must be 'works' not 'work'. 'guy' is informal; 'person' is more neutral. Remove fillers 'uh' and extra commas. Combine 'works hard' as standard collocation.

× So by that I got influenced and.

✓ So I was influenced by him.

Original is incomplete and ungrammatical ('and.' trailing conjunction). Use complete passive or active structure: 'I was influenced by him' or 'That influenced me'. Keep tense consistent with previous sentence.

× Dreams are have a very major special meaning because without dreams a person get distracted in other directions and get diverted.

✓ Dreams have an important meaning because without them a person gets distracted and diverted.

'are have' is ungrammatical; use 'have'. 'a very major special meaning' is wordy and awkward; 'an important meaning' is concise. Pronoun reference: use 'them' for 'dreams'. Subject-verb agreement: singular 'a person' takes 'gets' not 'get'. Remove redundant phrasing 'in other directions and get diverted' to 'gets distracted and diverted'.

× So dreams by having a a big dream of personal feel more focused and work on that dreams.

✓ So people who have big dreams feel more focused and work on those dreams.

Sentence had multiple issues: 'dreams by having a a big dream of personal' is garbled. Correct subject 'people who have big dreams'. Article duplication 'a a' removed. 'personal' misplaced and unnecessary. 'that dreams' should be 'those dreams' (demonstrative for plural). Ensure subject-verb agreement 'feel' (people) and parallel structure.

× Yes for sure I want to make my dream come true and I am working towards my dream by clearing all my exams and and I want to work as a dentist in MHS.

✓ Yes, for sure I want to make my dream come true, and I am working toward it by passing all my exams; I want to work as a dentist in MHS.

Fix redundancy 'and and'. Use 'working toward it' instead of 'working towards my dream by clearing all my exams' for concision. 'Clearing exams' is nonnative phrasing; 'passing exams' is idiomatic. Use punctuation to separate clauses. Maintain present progressive 'am working' for ongoing action.

× It was my biggest dream of life and I'm new to achieving it so.

✓ It has been the biggest dream of my life, and I am just beginning to achieve it.

Tense and idiom: 'It was my biggest dream of life' is awkward; use present perfect 'has been' to show continuing relevance. 'I'm new to achieving it' is unnatural; use 'I am just beginning to achieve it'. Add 'my' before 'life'. 'so' at end is colloquial and unnecessary.