Bike— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce hesitation and repetition, give a clear topic sentence then one or two concise supporting details. Avoid trailing off at the end; finish the story with a time reference. Use linking words (e.g., because, so) to make the explanation coherent. Aim for 2–4 sentences and use slightly more precise vocabulary (e.g., ‘couldn’t afford one’ instead of ‘they were poor’).

예시: I didn’t have a bike when I was a child. I asked my parents for one while I was in primary school, but they couldn’t afford it at the time, so I had to wait until I was older. Eventually, I received my first bike as a gift when I was twelve.

제안: Remove filler words and make the contrast clear with a topic sentence followed by brief reasons and an example. Use linking words (e.g., however, because, therefore) to structure the response and introduce a specific example or statistic if possible. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Bikes were once very popular in my country, but they are less common now. This is because more people use cars and buses, which are faster and more convenient for long distances; for example, many commuters now prefer motorbikes or buses for work travel.

× Umm, I actually wanted to have a have a bike.

✓ Umm, I actually wanted to have a bike.

This sentence contains an accidental word repetition ('have a have a') which is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Remove the duplicate 'have a' to make the sentence grammatical and clear. Suggestion: read aloud to catch repeated words and edit to keep only one instance.

× Umm, my first bike was given to me when I was in.

✓ Umm, my first bike was given to me when I was in primary school.

The original sentence is incomplete, missing the ending phrase that indicates the time ('when I was in' is unfinished). This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Complete the clause with the intended stage (here 'primary school') to make the sentence grammatical and clear. Suggestion: always finish time clauses (when I was in + [place/stage]).

× bikes used to be very popular in my country in the past, but they're not as popular as before anymore, uh, because transportation, like other ways of transportation have been introduced to people.

✓ Bikes used to be very popular in my country, but they are not as popular now because other modes of transportation have been introduced.

The original contains redundant and awkward comparative phrasing 'not as popular as before anymore' (combining 'as before' and 'anymore') and an awkward noun phrase 'ways of transportation'. This is a problem with comparative/adverb placement and word choice (IDs 20 and 13) but primarily a sentence structure/comparison clarity issue (ID 26 / 25). Use 'now' instead of 'as before anymore' and 'modes of transportation' or 'other modes' instead of 'ways of transportation' for natural English. Also change the contraction 'they're' to 'they are' if preferring formal clarity; both are acceptable.

× So a lot of people prefer faster, quicker, uh, ways of going to different places.

✓ So a lot of people prefer faster ways of getting to different places.

This sentence uses two near-synonymous modifiers 'faster, quicker' redundantly and the phrase 'ways of going to' is awkward. This is a style/word choice and sentence structure issue (ID 26 / 13). Use one adjective ('faster') and a natural verb phrase 'getting to' to improve fluency. Suggestion: avoid redundant modifiers and use common collocations (e.g., 'getting to places', 'travelling to places').