Bike— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more coherent and correct factual slips (teacher vs parents). Start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitation and filler words, and add one or two concise supporting details using linking words. Also correct word choice (e.g., say “ride” not “write”) and keep under five sentences.

예시: Yes, I did. When I was eight my parents bought me a pink bike, and the first time I tried to ride it I fell off. However, my parents patiently taught me how to balance and pedal, so I learned to ride confidently within a few days.

제안: Make your response more direct and organized: begin with a clear opinion sentence, then give two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid repetitions and tense errors (e.g., “bought” not “buy”). Use concrete examples and numbers if possible.

예시: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. Firstly, they are affordable, so many families buy them for children; secondly, they are practical for short commutes to school. For example, when I was eight my parents bought me a bike to travel the three-kilometre route to school.

× Yes, of course. Uh, I remember that when I was 8 years old, my parents bought me a bike, a pink bike and the first time I rode this bike I fell off.

✓ Yes, of course. Uh, I remember that when I was 8 years old my parents bought me a pink bike, and the first time I rode it I fell off.

Run-on and redundancy: combine clauses with proper punctuation and pronoun use. Use 'bought me a pink bike' (no extra comma) and replace repeated noun 'this bike' with pronoun 'it' to avoid redundancy. Also add a comma before coordinating conjunction 'and' joining two independent clauses. Suggestion: keep past simple consistently for remembered past events and use pronouns to avoid repetition.

× But my parents uh, after that umm, teacher taught me how to write uh, confidently.

✓ But after that my parents and my teacher taught me how to ride confidently.

Sentence structure and conjunction problem: original omits connector between 'parents' and 'teacher' and uses 'write' incorrectly (probably 'ride'). Correct by adding 'and' to join two subjects and placing 'after that' before the subjects. Use the verb 'ride' in past simple 'taught' and adverb 'confidently' after the verb phrase. Suggestion: identify intended meaning and use proper conjunctions and verb choice; keep past tense consistent.

× Yes, I think it's really common in our country because of it, affordable prices for most people to buy for their kids, uh, to go to school in a short commute.

✓ Yes, I think it's really common in our country because of its affordable prices, which make it possible for most people to buy them for their kids to commute to school.

Incorrect use of pronouns and sentence structure causing unclear reference and tense consistency. 'Because of it, affordable prices' is ungrammatical; use 'its affordable prices' to show possessive. Also clarify subject of 'buy' and correct noun reference ('them' for bikes). Use a relative clause 'which make' to explain effect. Suggestion: use clear possessive forms and relative clauses to connect ideas and ensure pronoun references match their antecedents.

× For example, when I was, uh, eight or nine, yeah, I remember that my parents buy for me a bike.

✓ For example, when I was eight or nine, I remember that my parents bought me a bike.

Tense error: 'buy' should be past simple 'bought' to match the past time expression 'when I was eight or nine' and 'remember' referring to past event. Also remove unnecessary fillers and place words in natural order ('bought me a bike'). Suggestion: ensure verbs match time expressions; use past simple for completed past events.