Study— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence and add one brief detail using a linking word. Avoid unnecessary words like “currently” if context is clear and replace awkward phrasing with natural collocations (e.g., “looking for an internship”).

예시: I’m a student and I’m currently looking for an internship in finance. Because I want practical experience, I’ve been applying to companies near my university and preparing my resume.

제안: Clarify meaning and use correct vocabulary. Give a direct topic sentence with the university name and your major, then add one short supporting detail. Correct grammar: use “study at” not “steady at,” and say your major clearly.

예시: I study at Mallon University, and my major is software engineering. I chose this program because it combines programming and problem-solving, which I enjoy.

제안: Organize the answer with one clear opinion sentence and two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition (don’t repeat “library”) and correct word choice (use “spaces” not “spades”).

예시: Yes, it’s a very good place to study. For example, it has well-equipped libraries and quiet study spaces, and moreover the campus is peaceful with many trees and gardens which helps me concentrate.

제안: Give a direct answer about changes you want and provide one or two specific, realistic improvements. Avoid vague phrases and repetition. Use linking words (e.g., “however,” “for example”) to make your points logical.

예시: I would like a few changes to improve facilities. For example, I would add more quiet study rooms and better career services because that would help students gain knowledge and find internship opportunities.

제안: Provide a clearer plan: state whether you will continue studying or focus on work, and give one specific goal and reason. Use correct terms (e.g., “finance student”) and avoid fragmentary speech.

예시: I’m a finance student and I plan to start internships after graduation to gain practical experience. If things go well, I may pursue a master’s degree later, but first I want to be financially independent by working.

× Currently I am a student who is looking for the internship job.

✓ Currently I am a student who is looking for an internship.

The phrase 'the internship job' is unnatural and uses an unnecessary definite article; 'internship' alone or 'an internship' is correct. Also 'internship job' is redundant. Use 'an internship' to indicate any internship opportunity in this context.

× I'm steady at Mallon University, special life in sour engineering major.

✓ I'm studying at Mallon University, specializing in software engineering.

'Steady' is the wrong word; the correct verb is 'studying'. The preposition 'at' is correct for institutions. 'Special life' should be 'specializing' and 'sour engineering' is likely a misspelling of 'software engineering'. Use present participle 'specializing' to indicate a current focus.

× Definitely it is a good place, uh, because it has resources uh, for studying like library, such as library like this.

✓ Definitely, it is a good place because it has resources for studying, such as a library.

Sentence has redundant phrases ('like library, such as library like this') and awkward pauses. 'A library' needs the indefinite article. Remove duplicated expressions and rephrase for clarity: 'resources for studying, such as a library.'

× And the environment is really good. There are a lot of trees and garden and a lot of spades uh, to study.

✓ The environment is really good. There are a lot of trees and gardens and many spaces to study.

'Garden' should be plural 'gardens' to match 'a lot of'. 'Spades' is the wrong word; 'spaces' is intended. Use 'many' with plural countable noun 'spaces'. Also combine into clear sentences.

× Yeah, I would like to study anywhere. Not exactly, umm, if I get a lot of knowledge and a lot of opportunity, uh, I would like to study anyway.

✓ Yes, I would be happy to study anywhere. If I can gain a lot of knowledge and opportunities, I would be willing to study anywhere.

Original is fragmented and unclear ('Not exactly' and 'anyway' conflict). Replace casual fillers and clarify the conditional idea using 'if' to show the condition, and use 'opportunities' plural and consistent wording.

× Not a silly place that yeah, I would like to learn new things.

✓ I don't want a poor study environment; I want to be in a place where I can learn new things.

'Not a silly place that yeah' is informal and ungrammatical. Provide clear contrast: 'I don't want a poor study environment' and state the positive desire. This corrects sentence structure and meaning.

× Not quite sure, I am financial student so I would like to walk in my future and I would like to learn and what experience from the future job uh because I don't want to depend on my parent.

✓ I'm not quite sure. I am a finance student, so I would like to plan my future career, gain experience from future jobs, and become independent from my parents.

Several errors: 'financial student' should be 'a finance student' (word choice and missing article). 'Walk in my future' is incorrect; use 'plan my future career' or 'pursue a career'. 'What experience from the future job' is ungrammatical; use 'gain experience from future jobs'. 'Parent' should be plural 'parents' if referring to both, and use 'become independent from my parents' for clarity.