Headphones— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one brief reason with a linking word. Avoid sentence fragments and combine short fragments into complete sentences.

예시: Yes, I often wear headphones when I'm in public places such as trains and libraries because they help me concentrate and block noisy surroundings.

제안: Clarify vocabulary and give a specific type. Use correct words and a short reason with a linking word. Avoid repetition and incomplete sentences.

예시: I usually use wireless earbuds because they don't have any cables, so they're very convenient when I'm commuting.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence and explain the reason with coherent linking. Use complete sentences and correct grammar; avoid fragments like 'And my sound.'

예시: I use headphones in public places such as trains and libraries because they help me concentrate and keep external noise from disturbing me.

제안: Be specific and grammatical. State the condition first, then give clear reasons with linking words. Replace unclear phrases like 'enjoyed lost sound' with precise expressions.

예시: I usually don't wear headphones at home because I don't need to block out noise, and wearing them for a long time is uncomfortable.

제안: Use a full, grammatically correct sentence and give one or two clear reasons. Explain what 'not suitable' means (size, fit, pain) and avoid unrelated words like 'Heart.'

예시: Not really — headphones are uncomfortable for me because I haven't found a pair that fits my ears properly, and they start to hurt after wearing them for a while.

× Yes, I use them when I'm in the public space like trains. And library.

✓ Yes, I use them when I'm in public spaces like trains and libraries.

The original has a sentence fragment 'And library.' and awkward phrasing 'the public space'. Combine into one sentence and use plural 'spaces' to match multiple examples. Ensure parallel structure 'trains and libraries'.

× I often use health bugs because there has no code, so it's very convenient for me. I use.

✓ I often use wireless earbuds because they have no cords, so they are very convenient for me.

'Health bugs' is likely a wrong word; use 'wireless earbuds'. 'has no code' is incorrect: plural subject requires 'have' and the noun should be 'cords' or 'cord'. Also 'it's very convenient for me. I use.' is fragmented; combine into a single clear sentence and use correct pronoun agreement ('they are').

× I use them when I'm in the public space, such as trains and libraries because I concentrate. And my sound.

✓ I use them when I'm in public spaces, such as trains and libraries, because they help me concentrate and block out surrounding sounds.

The original contains fragments 'And my sound.' and unclear clause 'because I concentrate.' Revise to explain purpose: 'they help me concentrate and block out surrounding sounds.' Use plural 'spaces' and combine clauses for clarity.

× I don't use them at home because I don't need to block background sounds and I enjoyed lost sound and it is not comfortable for me to wear.

✓ I don't use them at home because I don't need to block background sounds, they reduce ambient sound, and they are not comfortable for me to wear.

The sentence uses incorrect tense 'enjoyed lost sound' and awkward phrasing. Use present tense 'reduce ambient sound' and consistent pronouns 'they'. Also join clauses with commas to avoid run-on sentences.

× No, wearing headphones is not comfortable for me because I don't have a suitable headphones so my ear. Heart.

✓ No, wearing headphones is not comfortable for me because I don't have suitable headphones; they hurt my ear and cause discomfort.

'a suitable headphones' mixes singular article with plural noun; use 'suitable headphones' without 'a'. The fragments 'so my ear. Heart.' are unclear; replace with 'they hurt my ear and cause discomfort.' Use a semicolon or conjunction to connect clauses properly.