Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Improve clarity and fluency by removing unnecessary words and correcting small grammar errors. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one brief supporting reason. Avoid repetition (e.g., saying "happy music" twice) and unnecessary fillers.

예시: It depends on my mood. If I'm in a good mood I usually choose upbeat, happy music to match my energy, but when I'm feeling down I prefer slow, sad songs because they help me reflect.

제안: Make sentences more concise and correct small word-choice/grammar issues. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, 'for instance' or 'also'), and give one specific example of when upbeat music helps you. Avoid awkward phrases like 'Our beat'.

예시: Yes. Happy, upbeat music often boosts my energy and mood; for instance, I listen to lively pop when I exercise because the rhythm keeps me motivated and improves my focus.

제안: This answer is clear and relevant. To increase coherence, begin with a concise topic sentence, then link the details with a reason or example (use 'so' or 'therefore'). Add a short specific detail about what you learned to show depth.

예시: Yes, I took a few guitar lessons a couple of years ago. I learned basic chords and simple songs, so I can still play a few tunes now whenever I have free time.

제안: Very natural and well-structured. Tighten a couple of short sentences into smoother connected ones. Use a linking phrase ('however' is good) and give one specific example of a challenging task that requires silence to make the answer more vivid.

예시: Definitely. Music is part of my daily routine—I play it in the background when I'm tidying my room or walking because it lifts my mood; however, when I'm writing an important essay I prefer silence or very soft instrumental music.

× It really depends on my mood, what music I would wanna listen to you.

✓ It really depends on my mood what music I would want to listen to.

The informal contraction 'wanna' is nonstandard in formal speech and 'to you' is incorrect here. Also the structure should use 'want to' followed by the base verb 'listen' and omit the extra 'you'. Use 'want to' (verb + to + base form) rather than 'wanna' for clear grammar and register. Suggestion: Replace 'wanna' with 'want to' and remove the stray 'you'.

× If I'm happy, I would obviously listen to happy music and if I'm feeling gloomy that day, I would prefer sad music.

✓ If I'm happy, I will obviously listen to happy music, and if I'm feeling gloomy that day, I will prefer sad music.

The sentence describes habitual or likely actions in present/future situations, so the modal 'will' (simple future) is more appropriate than 'would', which often indicates conditional or imaginary situations. Suggestion: Use 'will' for real future or likely responses to current states.

× Our beat and cheerful songs can make people feel excited, energetic and optimistic.

✓ Upbeat and cheerful songs can make people feel excited, energetic, and optimistic.

'Our beat' is incorrect here; the intended adjective is 'upbeat' meaning lively tempo. 'Our' is a pronoun that does not fit. Suggestion: Use the adjective 'upbeat' to describe songs.

× Personally, I enjoy listening to happy music while I'm studying exercising.

✓ Personally, I enjoy listening to happy music while I'm studying or exercising.

Two gerund activities should be joined with a conjunction. The original omitted a connector between 'studying' and 'exercising', causing a run-together phrase. Suggestion: Insert 'or' (or 'and') between the gerunds.

× Although I wasn't professionally trained for a very long time, I really enjoyed learning the basics.

✓ Although I wasn't professionally trained for very long, I really enjoyed learning the basics.

The phrase 'for a very long time' implies duration that contradicts 'wasn't'; 'for very long' is the usual negative construction. Suggestion: Use 'for very long' after negative forms.

× It was a fun hobby and I still like to play occasionally whenever I have some free time.

✓ It was a fun hobby, and I still like to play occasionally when I have some free time.

Using both 'occasionally' and 'whenever' is redundant; 'whenever' implies frequency. Also add a comma before 'and' to join independent clauses. Suggestion: Use 'when' instead of 'whenever' or remove 'occasionally'.

× I like having it on in the background while I'm doing things like organizing my room, walking, or even studying.

✓ I like having it on in the background while I'm doing things like organizing my room, walking, or studying.

The list items should be parallel; 'even studying' is fine but 'even' is unnecessary. Remove 'even' to maintain parallelism. Suggestion: Keep list items in the same form without extra adverbs.

× It creates a pleasant atmosphere, keeps me in a good mood.

✓ It creates a pleasant atmosphere and keeps me in a good mood.

This is a comma splice: two independent clauses joined only by a comma. Use a conjunction 'and' or a semicolon. Suggestion: Add 'and' to connect the clauses.

× However, while I'm tackling something really challenging, I prefer silence or soft music.

✓ However, when I'm tackling something really challenging, I prefer silence or soft music.

Using both 'however' and 'while' can be acceptable, but 'while' often indicates simultaneous actions; 'when' is clearer for conditions. Suggestion: Use 'when' to express preference under that condition.